Have you ever wondered to yourself, "Self, how can you be more better at failing life, like Sarah Palin?" Of course not, but someone in the publishing world figures there issome self out there, a-ponderin' where Palin found the inspiration to quit all the things, fail all the stuffs, drunk-stutter all the words, and have all the accidental out-of-wedlock grandbabies. So here you go, America, here is your book of biblical Hot Takes, from Alaska's greatest grifter queen:

In Sweet Freedom, Sarah Palin invites you to draw strength and inspiration from 260 meditations based on guiding Biblical verses. You are not alone in your doubts and anxieties—we all bear the burdens of everyday stresses, and for most of us, our concerns spread beyond our selves to our families, communities, and country. But Palin shows that with abiding faith, and by opening ourselves to the truths that have saved mankind for generations, we can thrive—and experience true freedom.

Leather is classy as fuck, yo

It's also available in leather (ball gag sold separately) and as an audiobook, for those of her children who are bad with the word-reading, which is -- say it with us, it's mandatory -- OH, ALL OF 'EM KATIE!

Unfortunately, there are no reviews of the book yet, although customers who have pre-ordered it also bought Palin's earlier "works," a hard-covered rat turd by Ted Cruz, and oh sweet Joshua Harold Christ, Bill O'Reilly's psychotic historical fiction, Killing Reagan.

Well, actually, there is one review: Bristol's ghostblogger is real tingly about it.

Will you let me brag about my mom a bit?  In addition to being a former Governor, the first female GOP Vice Presidential candidate, and a great mom and grandmother, she’s a best selling author.

I’m so happy to announce that she’s got a new book out, like none that she’s ever written.  It’s called, "Sweet Freedom: A Devotional."

[Description of the book from Amazon, since Bristol's ghostblogger hasn't had a chance to listen to the CD yet.]

Doesn’t that sound, well, inspirational?

We know it's unfair to judge a book by its cover, but in this case, it seems safe to assume we'd be more inspired reading the directions on a box of ex-lax®. Frankly, the thought of Palin lackeys searching Bing for Bible quotes she can read aloud on a book tour -- until, pursuant to Palin custom, she quits the tour halfway through -- to then say "freedom" and "liberty" and "Obama sucks" make us want to take a whole box of ex-lax®.

We didn't know it was physically possible for Sarah Palin to become even lazier in her grifting, but collecting a bunch of words she didn't write, slapping her face on it, and calling it a book is an impressive new low. Grift on, grizzly mama, grift on.

[Bristol's "blog"]

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Photo by Daniel Stockman, Creative Commons license 2.0

It's Sunday, and that means it's time for a break from the ongoing grind of awfulness out there. Let's dive into some cool, funny, thoughtful stuff to fortify ourselves before we get back to the daily madness, shall we?

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After watching President Arty McDeals twist in the wind for a month, IRL politician Mitch McConnell finally decided to throw the mook a lifeline. Despite constant screaming about women with duct tape over their mouths, Trump is getting blamed for the shutdown and even his own supporters are starting to turn on him. So Ol' Yertle summoned Mike Pence and Jared Kushner to his chambers for some #RealTalk.

"Tell Donald that he has to offer something so it looks like the Democrats are the ones who won't compromise." He said. (Probably.)

"That's great," squeaked young Jared (allegedly), "Democrats are desperate. We've got them right where we want them." McConnell blinked hard.

"No, Jared," he probably said. "They're not going to take the deal. We'd have more luck getting Mexico to pay for it. The point is to offer something silly so they turn us down, and then we try to convince the public that the shutdown is Democrats' fault."

"I don't get it," said Jared (allegedly), as Mother's boy Pence furrowed his brow and sighed through his nose. (Not allegedly, it's his signature move.)

"I know," Mitch might have said. "Believe me, I know."

Which is how President Teleprompter wound up giving a MAJOR ADDRESS yesterday offering to hold off on deporting some of the Dream Act kids for a hot second if Democrats will just give him $5.7 billion for WALL and let him expel future child arrivals without a hearing. Trump himself rescinded protections for up to a million immigrants brought here as kids as soon as he took office, but he'll let some of those hostages go if Democrats will just give him cash for that WALL that Mexico is "indirectly" paying for. Heck, he'll even let 300,000 people who fled war and natural disasters and put down roots here over decades to stay a little longer, if that's what it takes. He plans to deport them all in three years anyway, or else use them for another round of hostage negotiations. (If we re-elect That Orange Idiot, spit on the ground/sign of the horns/God forbid.)

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