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She says what everyone else is thinking!


Get ready! It's time to put on your berets and put your fingers together to snap snap snap for the brave poetry stylings of the one and only Sarah Palin, here on Doof Poetry Jam!

As you well know, Ms. Palin recently published "Sweet Freedom," a book of "devotionals," which is like a chapbook but for people who are into Jesus in an Evangelical way. But she doesn't just want her words to reach those who have purchased this book -- no, she wants to spread them across the land. Which is why she has graciously started posting them on her website, to the delight of fans of outsider art everywhere.

Her latest masterpiece, Cry Me A River, evokes the style of the great Scottish poet William McGonagall, and the pathos of a young Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings, while pondering the eternal dilemma of man's inhumanity to man in a way, I dare say, not so profoundly articulated since Burns' Dirge. It helps if you read it in your mind in the voice of Laurie Anderson speaking through a vocoder:

So I wasn’t overly sympathetic. Can you blame me?

I was talking to a young lady who was devastated after a Facebook comment dissed her appearance.

“Umm, they didn’t like your new ‘do’?” I feigned understanding. “How many Facebook followers you got there?”

“Three,” she said.

OhDearLordJesusSpareMe.

Big hurts and little hurts, we’ve all got ’em.

I won’t bore you with my own bumps and bruises, but a wealth of “Palin stuff,” true or not, paraded before the world, seemingly on a regular basis, gives me experience to help others persevere.

God can use indignities for His purposes! One way to survive is to keep your perspective. Kissing a firstborn goodbye – off to war; cradling a newborn struggling with special needs; preparing for a teenager’s pending motherhood; governing the nation’s largest state; and campaigning for vice president of those states…all at once, Lord? This, while ruthless rumormongers felt big by making others feel small.

How to handle all that?

My “sufferings” are minuscule compared to others: those who have lost a family member in military service, or lost a child, or who are single moms with no supportive family to help them.

It’s hard for all of us to keep perspective. But one way to gain perspective is to get out there and help other people.

Sweet Freedom in Action

Today, volunteer for people who are really hurting, hurting worse than you are. Don’t dwell on anything out of your control – especially don’t worry about what people say about you. Give it all to God. And, darling Piper, ignore Facebook slights about your purple hair.

TWIST, it is about her daughter. Bet you did not see that one coming, especially after the jab about only having three Facebook followers. The lesson to be learned here, clearly, is that if Sarah Palin can do hard stuff even while people are making fun of her for saying dumb things and being genuinely the worst, and other people can survive other stuff, we can survive anything, including someone saying something about our hair. Either that or Sarah Palin is not interested in hearing about your dumb problems, oversensitive teenage girl she gave birth to! Some really raw stuff there, I must say.

In another verse published this week, Palin explores the ways in which she has seen the best Christian mind of her generation (her own) destroyed by yoga pants.

I so often say, “Sweat is my sanity!” But could that mean I’m letting workouts take the place that should be filled by God?

We need balance between body, mind, and soul – and of those three, the soul is by far the most important. No other thing, even a good thing like exercise, should come before our relationship with God. God is found in prayer, not in neon lace-ups and stretchy pants.

Sweet Freedom in Action

SWEET FREEDOM INDEED. God is never, ever in our pants. Except that one time that he was in that lady's pants so he could impregnate her with himself. Hasn't done it since though, that any of us know of!

Of course, as we would expect, Sarah is unafraid to take some bold political stances in her poetry as well, and in "Islamic Jihadism Is Evil Incarnate," she does just that.

…what kinds of things happened to me in Antioch, Iconium and Lystra, the persecutions I endured. Yet the Lord rescued me from all of them. In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted….

2 Timothy 3:11-12

Who’d rather read, “The godly shall never suffer persecution”? Me. But we do. So did Christians in the time of the apostles. And they are suffering now – around the world, but especially under the lash of Islamic terrorism.

Who, just a few years ago, could have imagined the so-called Islamic State – or ISIS, or ISIL, or Daesh, or whatever you want to call it – appearing on the scene and literally crucifying Christians, including children; or that they would brag about beheadings; or that they would be committing mass executions of Christians? That’s evil incarnate – but the big-dog media don’t like to talk about it, and neither do liberal politicians.

And that’s only one strand of Islamic terrorism. There’s al Qaeda and there are other jihadist movements, all of which are dedicated to the extermination or subjugation of Christians. There’s a global war against Christianity in the name of Islam – and a lot of us don’t even know about it, because the lamestream media don’t think it’s newsworthy.

She speaks the truth. All I ever read about ISIS in the big-dog media, et al. are fluff pieces about their latest bake sale or beauty pageant. Never a gosh darn thing about how they do bad stuff or how we should stop them from doing bad stuff. One would hardly know that they are a terrorist organization of any kind!

Now, sure -- some might say "She is bad at words and sentences! None of this makes any sense!" -- but, as one who spent the 1990s in a coffee shop, I can assure you that the best poetry is poetry that makes no sense because it is far too deep for any of you to understand. Who says conservatives don't get art!

[SarahPalin.com]

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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