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SarahPAC Handing Out Princely Sums To Everyone (Except Nikki Haley)

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Hey, you guys, SarahPAC, remember that thing? The institutional arm by which our gal Sarah was going to extend her influence across the face of the Republican Party? Well, it's sure made somesweet YouTubes, but what else has the PAC done with the, let's see, $916,000 it received in the mail, in wadded-up $10 bills, soaked with tears and rage-spittle? And why are Sarah and Nikki Haley only BFFs in non-monetary ways?


Here are the large amounts of cash that Sarah has handed out to her Chosen Candidates:

  • Joe Miller, who is running against Lisa Murkowski in the Republican primary for Alaska Senate: $5,000. (Remember when Sarah beat Lisa's terrible corrupt old dad in the Republican gubernatorial primary in 2006? Ha, that was the only good thing she's ever done.)
  • Terry Branstad, a boring ex-Iowa governor who wants to be governor of Iowa again: $5,000. WOW WHAT A WEIRD BORING ESTABLISHMENT PICK WHY WOULD SARAH WANT TO HAVE ANY INFLUENCE OVER THE GOVERNOR OF THIS STATE?
  • Carly Fiorina, who is insanely wealthy and would use $2,500 to wipe her ass: $2,500.
  • Sharron Angle, who probably just robbed Sarah at gunpoint: $2,500.
  • Nikki Haley: $0, but she got support on Sarah Palin's Facebook page, which is more valuable than the finest silk from the Orient.
  • "Consulting fees for grassroots and communication, media, national and foreign affairs, and coalitions consulting": $210,000.
  • "Additional spending went toward air travel, car rentals and lodging, postage and mailings, and cell phones."

Anyone who has experience setting up PACs, please contact your editors in regards to the creation of WonkettePAC post haste. We will endorse only the most hilarious candidates and will spend no more than 45 percent of your donations on "air travel" (private jets), "car rentals" (awesome muscle cars that we will drag race down New York Avenue), "lodging" (hotels in Vegas), and "cell phones" (pagers for our drug-dealing sideline). [AP]

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And now for some very serious TUT TUTTING! It's time again for Republicans to make sad words about President Treason McTraitorpants selling out the country. This time they are seriously concerned, nay even deeply troubled, that Donald Trump would stand next to Vladimir Putin and pretend the Russians didn't hack the 2016 election. These patriotic Republicans are shocked, SHOCKED! Well, not, like, upset enough to do anything about it -- not with a fascist carpooler to jam into the Supreme Court. But they've got tweets, so it's all good!

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Republicans are in a pickle. Midterms are coming up and the party in the White House usually loses seats in those elections. It doesn't help their chances that their guy Donald Trump frolics through fields holding hands with self-made Russian dictator and coincidental poisoner Vladimir Putin, who our own justice department believes attacked our mostly free elections and our true national monument, the Internet.

If you're as old as I am, you'll recall that back in the 1980s, the whole Republican brand involved not trusting the Ruskies, and they were especially disappointed when Kevin Costner turned out to be one in No Way Out. Now, the current Republican president is talking like some kind of crazy commie lib, bashing the FBI and giving the benefit of the doubt to a former KGB agent. During an interview Sunday where he wore a hat with "USA" in big letters on it, presumably so someone could easily return him if he got lost on the field trip, Trump went so far as to call the European Union a "foe" of his country, which if you believe his hat is supposedly the United States not Russia.

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