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Chinaman Not The Preferred Nomenclature, Trump. Wonkagenda For Tues., Feb. 26, 2019

Michael Cohen has 'EARTH SHATTERING' news, Trump trying to steal Uncle Sam's purse, and 9/11 first responders need our help. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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News

TO INFINITY! Wonkagenda For Wed., Feb. 20, 2019

Trump's NSC caught going nuclear, a space farce, and more Russian fuckery. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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News

Love Your Children Well. Wonkagenda For Thurs., Feb. 14, 2019

Manafort FUXXORED, snakey Republicans throw tantrums over guns, and Fox tries to hide an anti-Nazi documentary. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat, and happy Valentine's Day! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Congress

Trump's Billionaire Pal Tom Barrack Defends Saudis' Peculiar Institution: Journalist Murder

Sorry, westerners, you just wouldn't understand.

Trump's billionaire pal Tom Barrack has THOUGHTS on Saudi Arabia. After his star turn organizing the most expensive presidential inauguration ever PERIOD -- so expensive that there are now four pending criminal investigations to figure out how the hell they managed to spend $107 million -- Tom Barrack is here to tell you filthy colonialists to butt right out of the Kingdom, thankyouverymuch.

Not for nothing, but the killing of Jamal Khashoggi did not take place "in Saudi Arabia." In fact, the Saudi government lured the Washington Post reporter to its consulate in Istanbul, where a team of assassins Skyped in to let their bosses back home listen in while they murdered him and dismembered his body. Which is totally fine, see, because America has high rates of incarceration and gun violence. So, we're good, right?

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popular

Pecker Moved On Saudis Like A Bitch, But He Just Couldn't Get There

SAD!

How deep in the shit is the National Enquirer? Deep enough its parent company AMI explicitly asked the Justice Department whether they needed to register as lobbyists for Saudi Arabia under the Foreign Agents Registration Act. When Paul Manafort, Rick Gates, and Michael Flynn got busted for not copping to all their dirty work for Russia, Ukraine, Turkey and God only knows who else, Trump's buddy David Pecker had a major OH, SHIT moment. Because he'd just published a 97-page mash note to Saudi dictator Mohammed bin-Salman, and SDNY was already crawling all over him for the campaign finance scheme he cooked up with Trump's fixer Michael Cohen. The last thing he needed was to get charged with violating FARA. So he sent the DOJ a letter that said something like ...

Suppose a media company that mostly farts out stories of questionable veracity about celebrities being pregnant/cheating/descended from UFOs decides to publish a 97-page, full-color, ad-free love letter to the Saudi Crown Prince right as he's coming to America. We're, like, totally desperate for cash, and that guy MBS could front us $100 million without even blinking. So we printed up 200,000 copies of that nonsense and parked them at checkout counters, where we pretended that people were seriously going to fork over $13 to read about some dictator from NOT AMERICASTAN. Anyway, we solicited articles from one of MBS's trusted courtiers, and we let those guys review our puff masterpiece pre-publication. Which we lied about to journalists, LOL! But it's not like they ordered us to do any of those things in advance. We're not lobbyists, we're just whores. And is that so wrong?

OKAY, FINE we made all that up. But we read the redacted opinion letter the Wall Street Journal just dug up on the DOJ's website, and we're pretty sure we weren't that far off.

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News

Trump V. Beto: No Contest. Wonkagenda For Tues., Feb. 12, 2019

Trump takes on Beto, you're not getting a tax refund, and David Pecker's little Bonesaw. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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News

ANOTHER Government Shutdown!?! Wonkagenda For Mon., Feb. 11, 2019.

Trump demands WALL (again), everyone is still talking about Jeff Bezos's dick pics, and so much more. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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News

Trump's Nixon Moment. Wonkagenda For Wed., Feb. 6, 2019

Democrats refuse to stand for Trump's American carnage, Stacey Abrams is PERFECT, and Robert Mueller is following the rubles. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today!

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News

Pomp And Circumstance. Wonkagenda For Tues., Feb. 5, 2019

Law enforcement looks at the shady 'naug, Dr. Ronny Jackson is making his comeback, and DC gets ready for the SOTU. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today!

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News

Something's Coming. Wonkagenda For Fri., Feb. 01, 2019

Trump falls asleep in history class, Cory Booker announces his 2020 run, and net neutrality shenanigans. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Elections

OK, MAYBE There Was Collusion.  Wonkagenda For Thurs., Jan. 17, 2019

ALLEGEDLY drunk Rudy Giuliani denies his denial, Michael Cohen ALLEGEDLY paid $50,000 to be an internet sex symbol, and Trump to re-start Star Wars. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Russia

'I Served Them Massive Amounts Of Fast Food.' Wonkagenda For Tues., Jan. 15, 2019

Trump gorges himself on cheeseburgers and pizza as his shutdown enters Day 25. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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News

President Sh*tmouth. Wonkagenda For Tues., Jan. 8, 2019

Trump to make TV worse with prime time address, and the government shutdown gets worse. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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News

The Sh*tshow Must Go On! Wonkagenda For Fri, Dec. 28, 2018

Trump throws another tantrum, and Democrats plan for next year. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Post-Racial America

Christmas At Ground Zero. Wonkagenda For Mon., Dec. 17, 2018

Rudy Giuliani is funnier when he's (ALLEGEDLY) drunk, and Stephen Miller's spray-on hair threatens to shut down the government. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here are some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Russia

Trump Inauguration Invited To Trump Criminal Investigation Party, WOOHOO!

Most corrupt White House ever. PERIOD.

COME BACK, SPICEY! America needs you to tell us how Trump had the biggest criminal investigation into a presidential inauguration ever. PERIOD! This time we promise to believe you.

Okay, Wonkers, we just worked our way through the Wall Street Journal and New York Times stories on criminal investigations of the Trump inauguration and super PAC, and something is very rotten in Denmark. But this stuff is complicated, and it's Friday, and hell, it could very well be indictment-thirty, who even knows! So let's break this down Top Five Style and see if we can flag some of the hinkiest bits of this stinker, 'kay?

1. Michael Cohen: The Gift that Keeps on Giving

Safe bet that if you ever had a conversation with Michael Cohen, he recorded it and the special counsel is listening to it right now. Federal prosecutors in Manhattan opened an investigation into Trump's yuuuuuge inauguration in part based on one of the Cohen tapes, the Journal reports:

In April raids of Mr. Cohen's home, office and hotel room, Federal Bureau of Investigation agents obtained a recorded conversation between Mr. Cohen and Stephanie Winston Wolkoff, a former adviser to Melania Trump, who worked on the inaugural events. In the recording, Ms. Wolkoff expressed concern about how the inaugural committee was spending money, according to a person familiar with the Cohen investigation.

Really? They needed a tape to tell them there was something suspicious? Obama raised $50 million and had Beyoncé and Bruce Springsteen. Trump raised $107 million for Toby Keith and Tony Orlando. You do the math!

As for Ms. Wolkoff, she's probably having a fun time splaining how she and her company, which was incorporated approximately eight seconds after Trump won the election, managed to net more than $26 million on a party that no one attended. Maybe she'll get her BFF Melania to dispatch her PR flack to shit tweet about firing the New York prosecutors. Since that's a thing now.

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