MIT Developing Shrink-Ray. Steve Martin To Sue.
You fucking love science!
From a tiny sub packed with scientists in Fantastic Voyage to miniature Rick Moranis in Honey I Shrunk the Kids and most recently with Antman going to the quantum realm in the Avengers movies, shrinking shit to small size has been a mainstay of sci-fi for years. And now, my pals down the road at MIT have moved us a step closer to that reality. One might say, "one small step." #rimshot
So, it's not exactly DIRECT miniaturization of objects. The scientists who came up with the process call it "implosion fabrication" and it's more like 3D photocopying with the shrink setting on your machine set to 1/1000. How does it work? I'm glad you asked!
Our Friend The Carbon Molecule!
2018 was a record year. We can stop it in 2019 with the Green New Deal!
Time for another look back at the state of our species' attempts to save itself from itself, and the news is ... oh, lordy, kids, it's ugly, is what it is. The downer stuff: 2018 set a new record for worldwide emissions of carbon dioxide, and the USA has a president whose excellent brain tells him science isn't real, because he thinks plastic in the oceans somehow has something to do with global warming. But let's not lose hope, either, because polling indicates the vast majority of Americans -- 78 percent -- agree that climate change is real, and that we need to take action to keep the planet livable. Hell, even a large majority of Republicans (64 percent) now agree that climate change is real, as opposed to just 49 percent three years ago. It is almost as if they are believing their lying eyes! Mind you, those are ordinary people, not the ones in Congress. Please refer to the Upton Sinclair line about how hard it is to get someone to understand when their salary depends on not understanding it.
2018's Top Ten Science Stories Of Science That You F*cking Love!
You Fucking Love Science!
2018 was a year full of amazing discovery and advances, but sadly one in which the Trump administration also took shots at science, rolled back all kinds of science-based regulations and frankly just pissed the fuck off anyone who cares about critical thinking. Honestly, I guess maybe I can't be too upset that a guy who initiates flat out evil policies against immigrants is also anti-science. He's just an equal opportunity anal weasel. But enough about the pendejo. Let's get to the science! You fucking love it!
The Sh*tshow Must Go On! Wonkagenda For Fri, Dec. 28, 2018
Trump throws another tantrum, and Democrats plan for next year. Your morning news brief!
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Maybe Mexico Won't Pay For It? Wonkagenda For Wed., Dec. 19, 2018
Trump's not so proud to shut the government down anymore, and Facebook gave away all your shit. Your morning news brief!
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
The Top 25,467 Open Investigations Into Ryan Zinke, Can't Imagine Why He Just Up And Quit
New guy to be just as awful but less flamboyantly grifty.
Ryan Zinke suddenly resigned as secretary of the Interior on Saturday, citing the many "vicious and politically motivated attacks" launched against him by people who just hate America. (Like his own department's inspector general, and the Republicans who until January will rule Congress. OK, sure, and the incoming Democrats, who have this silly idea that endless travel scandals and hinky-looking land deals are worth investigating.) The Associated Press got its ink-stained hands on a copy of Zinke's resignation letter, which certainly offered a few surprises. For one thing, while he's been accused of iffy land deals to open a brewpub, this letter shows he's also adept at running a whinery. (GET IT? #DADJOKES?) At least now maybe he'll finally learn how to fly fish right.
US Teams Up With Russia, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait To Defeat The Climate Once And For All!
Environment, like journalists, officially deemed expendable.
We knew something might go a little screwy with the UN's big climate conference in Poland when we saw it would be sponsored, in part, by one of Poland's biggest coal companies. And no, that announcement didn't include the company pledging to put itself out of business. Now the US has joined the governments of Russia, Saudi Arabia, and Kuwait in watering down one of the central points of the summit, a joint statement on October's report from the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC). In essence, the world's top three oil-producing nations (plus Kuwait) are officially brushing off the report's call for serious action on climate within the 10-year timeline left to head off even more severe global warming.
I Like Money. You Like Money Too? Wonkagenda For Wed., Dec. 5, 2018
Michael Flynn flips, Trump ruins Christmas, and North Carolina gets crazy. Your morning news brief!
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Does Donald Trump Appeal To Men With Peener Insecurity? NYU Did Science To It!
Real science, plus dick jokes.
In one of the more intriguing bits of science we've seen lately, a couple of New York University researchers have done a brief study exploring whether Donald Trump's calculated expressions of machismo just might have attracted a lot of male voters who may actually be less than fully confident in their masculinity. Basically, the study looks at Google search trends for terms that might indicate worries about masculinity, and correlates that with areas of the country that went to Trump in 2016. Whatever larger studies may be generated from this seminal project, the researcher should prepare to get some very angry hate male mail from the Internet Flying Monkey Brigade, since Trump supporters are VERY MANLY, FUCK YOU, SHUT UP.
Trump Can't Stop Fiddling With The Rockets In His Pocket
The Space Force is like a multi-billion dollar turd that won't flush.
Earlier this week we got to see an internal memo from October written by the head of Trump's National Space Council asking the Department of Defense for "analysis and recommendations" on how the Space Force should be set up. Apparently the logistics of cutting and pasting assets from all five branches of the military has proved way more complicated than the administration thought, and they're worried it might be just another failure on Trump's expanding list of boondoggles. But the rational warhawks in the Pentagon (DEEP STATE!!1!) don't seem to be on board with Trump's intergalactic MAGA agenda, and they keep fighting back with rules, and bureaucracy, and bullshit.
After the administration admitted it needed an adult, the DOD reportedly gave the White House a list of options to consider that range from "Lost In Space" to "Starship Troopers," per Defense One ...
EPA Head Stumped By Question About 'Clean' 'Air'
Also dumps on the climate report, probs because he's a coal lobbyist.
Scott Pruitt's replacement at the Environmental Protection Agency, acting Administrator Andrew Wheeler, is turning out to be exactly the bureaucrat you'd expect a former coal industry lobbyist to be: a pretty smart guy who knows how to lie his ass off with a smile on his face. At an energy forum sponsored by the Washington Post Wednesday, Wheeler was simply full of provable untruths. But because he's less flamboyantly incompetent than his predecessor, Wheeler didn't sound like a crazy person who had his expensive security detail drive him all over Washington looking for just the right brand of moisturizer.
Wheeler is a bland little man in an ugly suit doing horrible things, and it would be a mistake to laugh him off just because he said kind of a dumb-sounding thing when he was asked by WaPo reporter Juliet Eilperin to name three policies his agency had put in place that have resulted in cleaner air and cleaner water. Wheeler replied, "I'm not sure I'm going to be able to give three off the top of my head."
And yet he managed to name three things, hooray he wins! Problem is, not one of the things Wheeler named have done jack shit to actually clean the air: One is mere vaporware -- a proposal to do something in the future -- and the other two items will actually increase pollution, especially emissions of greenhouse gases.
Let's review the tape!
President Goodbrain Smarts Very Thinkfully About Climate Change, Science
Earth can't be getting hotter because he's sundowning.
The "president" of the United States sat down for a 20-minute interview with reporters for the Washington Post, and reading the transcript, we really think he's getting even more word-salady than ever. Of course he lies and doesn't seem to know what he's talking about, but even the lies and ignorance seem to be spewing out much more incoherently than usual. Yr Doktor Zoom is not an MD, so we can't say he's losing his grasp on reality -- how can you lose what you never had? But even his crazy is sounding crazier, as we see in his strange, extended bloviage when he explained why he had little use for that major report on climate change his administration tried to bury in the Black Friday shopping frenzy last week.
Right! What's All This 'Green New Deal,' Then?​
Hold on, this isn't the least bit silly. Carry on, then.
When January arrives and a new Congress is sworn in, get ready to hear a whole hell of a lot about the "Green new Deal," a proposal spearheaded by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and endorsed by likely Speaker Nancy Pelosi. What the hell is it? At the moment, it's a proposal for a proposal: combine job growth and tackling climate change with the modest goals of nothing less than eliminating poverty AND transforming the US energy economy to 100 percent renewable power generation by 2030. We're talking Moon Shot plus New Deal plus Manhattan Project here, and yes, it's audacious as fuck!
As it happens, it's also not pie in the sky. Difficult, sure, but far from impossible. Its 10-year target falls inside the window necessary to keep at bay the absolute worst effects of projected climate change, as laid out in the UN's most recent report on what needs to be done to keep the planet habitable for large mammals like Jeff Goldblum, Malala Yousafzai, the readers of Wonkette, and yes, even Donald Trump. If he hopes to see 2030, though, he should actually follow his doctor's advice and stop polluting his personal ecosystem with Big Macs. As with climate, some damage can't be undone, but healthier habits are needed right now.
The push for a Green New Deal is timely, given the Trump administration's failed attempt to bury last week's quadrennial National Climate Assessment, which warns we can still keep from completely shitting the planetary bed, but we'll need to do more than simply get twisty lightbulbs. Big action is needed, and the goals of the Green New Deal are pretty fucking big. Prepare to have your minds blown (and then recycled):
Trump Has Fun New Climate Strategy: Tell The Truth, Then Completely Ignore It!
Attention must be paid.
The US government released an important new report on climate change Friday, and there's exactly one bit of good news here: Nobody in the Trump administration tried to alter the report or tell the team of scientists for the National Climate Assessment to present a rosy scenario. Instead, as the New York Times pointed out yesterday, Trumpworld seems to be pursuing an even ballsier strategy: Let the scientists issue their factual assessment of the damage that will be done by continued emissions of greenhouse gases, fine, like anyone cares. And then the Trump government will just go ahead and promote more coal mining, roll back limits on emissions, and let the planet become warmer and warmer, because fuck science and fuck you. Why bother bending the facts when it's easier and more profitable to simply ignore them? Fox News and Trump voters don't need any more convincing, after all.
The report itself reflects, yet again, the scientific consensus: Climate change is already here, it's caused by human activity, and unless we make significant changes to the way we use energy, it will get worse and worse. The first two sentences of the first chapter are about as blunt as you can get, in terms of both the danger and the need for action:
Earth's climate is now changing faster than at any point in the history of modern civilization, primarily as a result of human activities. The impacts of global climate change are already being felt in the United States and are projected to intensify in the future—but the severity of future impacts will depend largely on actions taken to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and to adapt to the changes that will occur.
Our Planet Sucks So Bad That Space Aliens Flew By And Didn't Even Stop for a Bathroom Break
You fucking love science!
Almost a year ago, the first space object confirmed to be from another star system blew by us, and while the science community was pretty jazzed, most people were too concerned with Brexit, the United States turning into a dictatorship, and the disaster that was Justice League to pay much attention. They named it Oumuamua, because the University of Hawaii discovered it. The name translates as "visitor from afar arriving first." Just be happy it wasn't my alma mater, UC Berkeley, that discovered it, because it would be called FuckStanford instead. That translates as "we wish buffoonery and hijinks in a friendly competitive way to our esteemed rival across the bay."
Now, people who know, aka scientists, keep telling me it's an asteroid. I mean, sure, it seems like it should be one, but it sure as hell does not look like or act like one. Cigar shaped and the length of four football fields?
Karen Meech of the Institute for Astronomy in Hawaii said this about the odd visitor:
'Russia, If You're Listening...' Wonkagenda For Tues., Nov. 20, 2018
Ivanka's email problem, Trump doesn't want to #SupportOurTroops, and the military bails from the border. Your morning news brief!
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Newsletter
©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc
