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Scooter Person Asks Us To Stop Being Racist Against Scooter People

If there's one lesson we all must learn, it's thatpeople who ride around on scooters are people too. Granted, they have lost the basic human ability to walk, and would not have survived the world at any point in history except right about now, but genetically speaking, they are human. According to blog Jesus ethics, we must be nice to these people, for the more advanced scooter models now have Internet access and a WebTV keyboard built in, and thus these people can yell at us via e-mail.


FROM: [redacted]puppylove@gmail.com

TO: tips@wonkette.com

SUBJECT: Wonkette you should be ashamed

I Am SO DISAPPOINTED THAT THIS WAS POSTED BUT EVERYONE IS NOT AWARE OF WHEN ONE SHOULD REALLY THINK ABOUT WHAT IS BEING POSTED AND HOW IT mAY mAKE ONE FEEL

Personally Karen I am SHOCKED that you isolated those in scooters into your political views when you do not even know someones politcal views Which this year has been turmoil in many peoples hearts I never discuss politics as everyone knows it is the Golden Rule but this infuriated me about the scooter people with the lardbottoms that can not drive them etc

FYI-when I go to museums Disney world large museums European tours many times i take my scooter that mind you I paid for myself NOT THE GOVERNment

God willing you will never have to know what it feels like to have too use a scooter and I pray people will see the real me through the scooter but sometimes it is what it is and when things like this pop up it reminds me of the shallowness of how deep people are willing to really see someone and for that I am sorry

I would appreciate some caution and not putting all of us who use scooters as a pawn for political convictions!!!!!

i plan to contact wonkette

Haha, she called Ken "Karen." Maybe? It's sort of hard to understand.

Either way, we now must invest in groundbreaking new technology for the future of our nation: transparent scooters! It is time for this bigotry against scooter people to end, and the only way to do that is if non-scooter people are able to see through scooters! A million scooter people shall drive their scooters on Washington! They are not just a pawn in our evil game of "having political convictions!"

We plan to blog about this e-mail.

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While the year 2018 will be remembered for a lot of (mostly terrible) things, it should also go down in history as the year two entirely different women got married to ghosts. Most recently, a lady named Amethyst Realm (of course) made headlines by claiming that after having had sex with at least 20 different ghosts, she had finally settled down with one she met on a flight to Australia. As one does.

But before Amethyst Realm, there was Amanda Teague, a former Jack Sparrow impersonator who was very obsessed with Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean, and who in January announced that she had married the ghost of a 300 year-old pirate named Jack Teague. Teague claimed that Jack Teague had been a black Haitian pirate who at one point had been left at the altar, and had been executed for high treason. She also claimed that they had sex -- including a little pregnancy scare -- and that he once bought her a coffee maker.

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Time for another episode of Poppy's Bad Tweets, wherein we answer the eternal question, DOES COMMANDER TWITTER THUMBS HAVE A POINT, OR IS HE JUST SMOCKING CRACK?

(Spoiler alert ....)

Yeah, About That NO COLLUSION...

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