Scooter, While Still Unindicted, No Longer Puttering With Same Elan

A loyal reader writes in that Das Scooter has been spotted on a pair of crutches. Alas, there appears to be no photographic confirmation of this at present. Nevertheless, aforementioned loyal reader supplies yet more irresponsible speculation surrounding the Plame case, to wit:


Top 5 reasons Libby on crutches

5. Tried to take out frustrations on family dog and got bitten.

4. Got frustrated and kicked office safe after learning combination changed.

3. Tripped down basement stairs while carrying documents to home shredder.

2. Transparently faking injury in hopeless sympathy plea.

1. Twisted ankle in shower portion of prison orientation tour.

A good start, but we have--in no particular order--more after the jump

-Clumsy effort to revive Vin "the Chin" Gigante faked-insanity strategy; plans to greet inquiries in court with the reply "Crutches? What crutches?"

-Veiled message to Judy Miller that her legs will be next

-Coded "lame duck" message to president Bush

-Not injured at all; just irrepressibly proud of new custom-made all-aspen crutches

-Waiver given to future cellmate was in fact "coerced"

-Turns out not as easy to outrun bailifs as he had thought

-Harriet Miers with a tire iron in the parking garage

-Was going to do the hideous-surgery-one-glove Michael Jackson thing, which apparently goes over well with juries, but there wasn't time

-Poignant evening of farewell lovemaking with Vice President Cheney went horribly wrong when they adopted "scissorlock" position

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