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The unflushable Scott Pruitt has poked his nose out of the bowl again to remind us that Ryan Zinke will never break his record. The Wolf of Whitefish may have successfully murdered the environment for fun and profit, but for sheer audacity, numbers of scandals, creative scamming, and tawdry personal entanglements, Pruitt will always have him beat. Does Ryan Zinke have a used Trump hotel spunk mattress? I think fucking not!

So what's Lil' Scotty done this time? Well, after he got a 91-day extension on his homework, he finally submitted his public financial disclosure report. And it is SPECIAL. Turns out he's taking great wads of cash for his legal defense fund from billionaire donors.

Just how big was that wad?

Someone handed Pruitt $50,000 cash to pay his lawyers to defend him against charges that he took a sweetheart apartment deal from a guy who lobbies the EPA, stole government time by having his employees buy him lotion and go house hunting, fired whistleblowers, hired his pals from Oklahoma for no-show jobs, pressured lobbyists to give his wife a job, and the dozen other scandals which we have already forgotten? Cool, cool.


Did Pruitt actually use the cash to pay his lawyers? Because it looks like Pruitt is still on the hook for somewhere between $115,000 and $300,000 in legal fees, since the Democratic Oversight Funtimes hearings haven't even started yet..

Here's hoping Mrs. Hendricks, the multi-billionaire owner of ABC Supply Co., has another million rattling around the bottom of her purse for the former EPA Administrator.

Awwww, we're just funnin'! Mrs. H is always there to help out a fellow Gipper in trouble. She gave $5 million in 2015 to Scott Walker's presidential PAC, and another $5 million in 2016 to an anti-Hillary super PAC that supported Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson, earning her a spot as an economic advisor to the Trump Campaign. And Hendricks knows how to build her wealth by avoiding personal income taxes. So, cheer up, Scoots, with a Sugar Momma like that, you're probably in the clear! You'll be back to coal rolling like a carefree kid in no time.

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And Ryan Zinke will have to get up pretty early in the morning if he wants to unseat Pruitt as the undisputed King of Grift.

YOU'RE NUMBER ONE! AT BEING NUMBER TWO!

[Pruitt Disclosure / WaPo]

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Sadly, Mrs. H has rebuffed requests for wads of cash from Yr Wonkette. Won't you be our Sugar Momma? Seriously, Rebecca's in a fuckin' MOOD.

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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The producers of your favorite live-action Jack Chick pamphlet, "God's Not Dead" -- you know, the one where the Hercules dude plays an evil philosophy professor who tells all of his students on the first day that they are no longer allowed to believe in god? As all secular professors do? -- have come out with a thrilling new movie, all about how abortion is bad or whatever.

The movie tells the "true" story of Abby Johnson, a former Planned Parenthood clinic worker turned professional anti-choicer. Johnson has been a darling of the forced birth circuit ever since she made up ridiculous and provably false reasons for quitting the Planned Parenthood that was about to fire her for being bad at her job.

Basically, she claims that Planned Parenthood was pushing her to make more abortions happen so they could reel in more dough, and also that she witnessed (for the first time ever!) an ultrasound-guided abortion and saw the baby move from the light and then immediately realized that what she was doing was wrong.

The thing is, however -- no ultrasound-guided abortions were performed on the day she said it happened, and the only reason there was an uptick in abortions at her clinic was because they started offering the abortion pill on a daily basis (and had previously only been performing surgical abortions every other Saturday).

As you may have guessed, the movie does not address any of these things. It also looks very, very bad.

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Ever since Ruth Bader Ginsburg successfully underwent surgery for lung cancer, conservative sites and message boards have been trafficking in a ridiculous theory that she is actually dead and that there is some kind of Weekend at Bernie's-esque conspiracy to pretend she is still alive.

Now, one would think that her recent public appearance at a concert held in her honor would have put this to rest. Alas, it did not. Rather, the "researchers" (as they hilariously call themselves) determined that the concert was actually her funeral.

No. Really. That was a thing.

I admit that I gave this a lot more thought than I should have. Like, how did they think this would go? How long did they imagine this would go on for? Why would they risk having a full on funeral concert, open to the press? Wouldn't they just have not bothered to have a funeral at all? And what did these people think was going to happen when it was announced that she died for real? Or did they think that we were going to pretend that she is immortal and thus never announce her death? It's so confusing!

Being very up to date on the "RBG is secretly dead!" nonsense, I was very curious about which way the "anons" would go with this when they announced her return to work on Friday. They did not disappoint!

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