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Scott Walker's Got This Whole 'You Didn't Build That' Uproar Figured Out

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Barack Obama's "somebody else made that happen" speech last week -- in which he essentially said that government helps create the conditions for markets to thrive -- has now, in the hands of Mitt Romney, been molded into this much grander thing: "To say what he said is to say that Steve Jobs didn't build Apple Computer or that Bill Gates didn't build Microsoft or that Henry Ford didn't build Ford Motor Company or that Ray Croc didn't build McDonald's or that Papa John's didn't build Papa John's Pizza." If one of those things doesn't look like the others, well, look, Papa John's throws a good fundraiser. But the point stands: Obama thinks some DoT bureaucrat built the computers and hamburgers because he hates the private sector. Is that it? Let's let Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker explain this with a more lucid comparison to Noah, a character from the novel The Bible.


There are several hundred great responses to this on the Twitter, but Josh Barro's "The ark was never built" about takes care of it. Oh, what's that, angry responder, you heard about a piece of wood discovered at Mount Ararat, and you think that that is from Noah's animal boat? That was mostly just a piece of wood. In any event, we're glad to hear that the principled Scott Walker won't be offering a dime in government resources for disaster preparedness and response.

Wait, we're wrong! Noah's Ark actually was built... thanks to massive tax breaks offered by the Kentucky state government. Noah knew how to hustle local governments in a race-to-the-bottom tax competition, alright. He was our greatest American.

[Scott Walker, image via tipster "that guy"]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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