Donate

Scotty May Leave, but His Talking Points Will Live On

briefingbanner.gifScott's last briefing? A lot like the rest of them, but everyone was being a little bit nicer. His first answer was an almost poetic blend of nearly every talking point he's been given over the last two years and cherry-picked economic statistics. Anyone have a rush transcript? We can't even remember the question, but his lengthy response made us fall in love all over again. Then: BREAKING NEWS: PERSONNEL CHANGE! ...to be announced later.


He was beset by Russian cell phone ring tones and weird foreign press questions -- if we were Press Secretary, we would only call on the foreign press. Funny accents and non-sequiters! "Did you even notice that outside world does not criticize you as much as your maybe deserve?" Well, Russian guy, that's a very interesting question.

My successor will do a great job, blah blah blah, wish him the best, looking forward to working with you, etc. Oh, Scott. When people kept bringing up polls, he seemed to suggest that their response will be to stage more photo-ops. "Our greatest asset is the President." We think he's repeating that fucking Note memo from yesterday -- it was leaked from Scott, not from Snow!

"Best of luck on the lecture circuit."

"I will miss all of you as well -- individually, at least."

"It's your last two-part for me."

Then, suddenly, some sparks! And it's about PAT KENNEDY! YES! Best question of the day. Was that Bill Sammon? He was positively DRIPPING WITH DISDAIN. "YOU'RE HIS SPOKESMAN" -- uh, no, Bill, that's not actually true. But we are as SHOCKED and APPALLED as you are!

More foreign press: "Greatest Press Secretary ever," they declare! Yay! Scotty and the Foreign Press are BFF! Have a kick-ass summer, Scott!

A few more boring minutes, then Scotty has his thank yous. He thanked the Situation Room, but we don't think he meant Wolf. He thanked the entire Press Office by name -- we think an orchestra arrived half-way through to make the music swell. And now on to the big Firing Someone Announcement. It's been fun.

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc