Have you heard of the foreign policy experts "Diamond and Silk"? They are big Trump supporters and they go on Fox News all the time, which means once Donald Trump decides to "YOU'RE FIRED!" Secretary of Defense James Mattis (by being too scared to actually fire him to his face, so on Twitter) they will probably get the job. Or if UN Ambassador Nikki Haley decides to nope out of this shit once and for all, Diamond and Silk will get that job. Hell, if we end up with a Supreme Court vacancy (heaven forfend) or Trump gets TOO MAD at Saint Jefferson of Butterscotches, attorney general of the United States, Diamond and Silk might get those jobs too. The point is they are QUALIFIED.

To see what experts they are, one only needs to look at Friday morning's "Fox & Friends," where they explained the process whereby Russia got its very first nuclear weapons just a few years ago, because Hillary Clinton emailed Russia some nuclear weapons, with her emails:

“I think and we think that Hillary Clinton reminds us of a nasty sore that’s rotten to the core that really won’t go away,” Diamond said, as Silk said “That’s right” to punctuate her every point.

“And listen, I think it’s time for her to go somewhere and be quiet,” Diamond continued. “If she’s going to be on the national platform, or on her little platform, she needs to talk about her dirty deeds. How she paid for that fake dossier to try to undermine President Trump during the election. How she sold 20 percent of the uranium to Russia and now Russia have nuclear weapons. And you know that uranium is bomb-making material.”

That is absolutely definitely for certain how it happened. And don't try to tell us about the so-called "Cold War" or the "Cuban Missile Crisis" or anything else like that, because Russia didn't even know what nuclear weapons WERE before that day in 2010 when Hillary Clinton woke up and said "I want to do Uranium One today, and then maybe some yoga." And for God's sake please don't try to remind us that no uranium was actually exported to Russia at all.

You laugh. We laugh. And then we all cry a little bit. But the sad truth is that this is not all that far from the conspiracy theories Fox News peddles every single day. Does the shit Sean Hannity pulls out of his pantyhose on a nightly basis make more sense than this theory of Russia acquiring nuclear weapons, promulgated by Secretary of State Silk and chairman of the joint chiefs of staff Diamond? Does their theory make any more sense than the actual Uranium One make-believe "scandal" Fox News reports on all the time? No, it does not.

And perched upon his bed at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, President Executive Time most likely watched this clip this morning, and we would not at all be surprised if he tweets that a new special counsel is needed to find out why Hillary Clinton gave Russia its first nuclear weapons ever, in 2010, because that is DISGRACEFUL, but meanwhile all the FAKE NEWS MEDIA wants to talk about is the Trump-Russia Democratic hoax, which was made up by Democrats, when everybody agrees, even the Democrats, that it's been proven there was no collusion, no collusion, the only collusion was between the Democrats and Russia to buy a fake dossier that said mean lies about Trump, something something something DID YOU KNOW THE F-35 AIRPLANE IS LITERALLY INVISIBLE?

America is so fucking great again.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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