See, This Is Exactly Why We Need a Constitutional Amendment Outlawing eBay
Loudon County contractor John A. Andrews II laid to rest a controversy over the authenticity of an American flag he purchased on eBay said to have been flown atop a construction crane at the Pentagon in the wake of the 9/11 attacks. Andrews had two Boy Scouts and a Loudon County Boy Scouts commissioner cut the stars out of the flag and burn it in two metal drums filled with burning oak logs--a method, the AP reports, that "followed one of several methods outlined in Scout protocol."
Come again? When did the Boy Scouts get into the destroying-the-symbols-of-our-liberty business? Wait, we know: It must have been during that brief interval when the government made them accept homosexual scoutmasters!
The story only gets stranger. It appears that the construction company originally associated with the flag's alleged provenance claims it never flew a flag at the Pentagon rebuilding site. What's more, it doesn't even have a crane from which it never flew the alleged flag. Nevertheless, the seller of the flag is suing the construction company for the difference between the previous high bid on Old Glory and Andrews's $25,000--some $346,000. Because, you know, if you immolate something, you need to pay at least six figures for it to get any sort of good flame going. It's right there in the Boy Scout Manual. -- HOLLY MARTINS
Purported Pentagon Flag Burned to End Controversy [AP, via CNN]