Hello Wonks! Welcome to the Sunday Rundown. With Christmas Eve upon us, I figured it's time for one last good ol' "Christmas Carol" style haunting for the wicked people of the political shows. Can't guarantee that they'll turn a new leaf and help people, but we certainly can make them fear the Christmases yet to come.
We begin with the chair of the House GOP conference and daughter of real life Grinch, Wyoming congressperson Liz Cheney. Appearing on CBS's "Face The Nation" with Margaret Brennan, the daughter with Dick Cheney's dark Sith powers and nepotism was asked about one of the many shortcomings of the Republican Party: Women.
Probably not, knowing you.
This is a terrific story, starting with the white suburban women doing Indivisible and moving on to the young people of color doing amazingly creative voter reg and engagement. It is worth your time for you to CLICK.
Black Voters Matter, a regional network engaging rural black communities in the South, instructs volunteers to knock on every door on the block, not just the ones on the walk list, and bring up local issues rather than stump for a particular candidate. When organizers learned that black parents in Pensacola, Fla., were angry about the lack of minority representation on local school boards, Black Voters Matter urged voters to the polls. Black turnout in the Democratic gubernatorial primary helped deliver the party's nomination to Andrew Gillum, who may become Florida's first black governor. "Once you can get them to turn out, they'll vote for Gillum," says Cliff Albright, co-founder of Black Voters Matter. "But the thing that got them to show up is those local issues."
Sometimes getting attention requires getting creative. Jolt organized a quinceañera at the Texas capitol building in Austin to protest a state immigration law, and has spent the past year hosting monthly parties featuring traditional Latin American food to register Latino students to vote. The goal is to reach people like 21-year-old Henry Aguirre, who was parked near the tacos at the Jolt party in Dallas. Aguirre didn't vote in the 2016 election. Now he's trying to atone for his apathy, registering more than 100 voters since Labor Day. "I feel like I wasn't completely living up to being an American," he says, "because I wasn't voting."
You can donate to Black Voters Matter here and Jolt here. Don't worry about the VoteGoat, Tom Steyer's picked up the tab for that one. And as always, you can click the handy donation widget RIGHT HERE to throw money at the world's greatest website, Wonkette.com. (We are probably just going to send it on to Black Voters Matter or Jolt, or maybe we will use it for nice wine, there is just no way to know.)
This week has been a lot to deal with.
How are you doing today? Are you drinking enough water? Have you gotten enough sleep? Are you able to step away from your computer or television screen, or at least look at something on your computer or television screen that is not Brett Kavanaugh related? Good! Do that! At least for a little bit.
Christ, is it already time for another Wonkette Manifesto?
Have you seen that chart posted above? The very good one? The one that gets posted on your Nana's Facebook all the time, that shows exactly how biased and factual websites are? Of course you've seen that chart! It is a fairly decent chart, with only 174 or so errors! If not, LOOKIT.
Well, bad news, Wonkette has recently been added to it and ... um ... we don't think they actually read Wonkette for long enough to understand what is going on here at this dick joke warblog/mommyblog about recipes and sex that talks about politics sometimes. Do you see where they put us? In that bullshit place to the left of The Intercept and just north of Louise Mensch when it comes to #ScienceFacts? The fuck, bro?
Don't answer that if you're gonna be a dick about it.
Hello my loves, it is that time of the month when we remind you that without us YOU WOULD BE DEAD OF CRYING. We know this because you tell us literally every day, "Wonkette, without you I would be dead of crying," when you send us money. BUT! That is only about one percent of you, our readers, who are putting their money where their cryholes are, and WE NEED MORE READERS TO PONY THE FUCK UP. Without money we can not pay our fulltime staff a living wage (and health insurance even!) to call the "president" ever-more-creative versions of "syphilitic," and we could not pay our ever-growing roster of awesome freelancers -- WHOM YOU LOVE -- to bring you news and opinion about all the horrible things in the world, but sort of funny sometimes so you don't kill yourself more than like once a day.
Last month you guys did great; we even had a thousand dollars left over -- which means for the year Wonkette is only down $16,000 -- and $40,000 lifetime -- but don't worry mama consolidated the company credit cards and they'll be paid off in only three years and now there's so much more credit card left to fill up again, so that's ... neat? Fuck it, it's how Trump would do, except for the part where we pay it off. Debt, everyone! It's magical!
We don't want to alarm you, but websites are falling down dead all over the place, because the digital ad industry is loathsome and corrupt. That's why we depend solely on YOU to fund us. Fuck those guys, breaking your browsers and not even paying for the privilege. Let's go from one percent of our readers funding us to 10 percent. Click the donation widget, choose an amount, make it "recurring" if you can, and then CLICK THE PART ON THE BOTTOM where you choose whether to do it via credit card or Paypal. (If you are my mom, you just learned this week that all your $2 tips for Evan NEVER WENT THROUGH because you didn't know to click the payment part. CLICK THE PAYMENT PART.) Hate the internet and want to send a paper check? You can do that at Wonkette, Box 361, Polson MT, 59860. We are working our way through our thank you notes; expect one (MAYBE) in 2019.
Be the change you want to see in Wonkette! Keep us in servers and writers and roadtrips to kiss you and buy you beer! THE BABY NEEDS MORE PEPA PIG TOYS (no she doesn't, but she does need "food"). Have you gone to get your wallet yet? How about now?
DO IT. PRESS THE BUTTON. PRESS IT AGAIN. SEND ALL THE MONEY. VIVA WONKETTE. YOU CAN DO IT. OH MY GOSH YOU JUST DID IT HOORAY!
Didn't that feel delicious? IT DID.
gimme some o' that sweet sweet honey
Hey kids! What did you do this summer? This is the look I get when I'm not really listening, and just waiting for my turn to talk again. So, that is super cool, guess what I did! Yup, that's right, I became a beekeeper! Did you want to hear all about my bees, and their activities, their travails, and the super sweet and sticky goo they poop out? (Bee Fact #1 - Bees do not "poop" out honey, they puke it out of a special stomach called, uncreatively, a honey stomach.) You do, gre... what? Yes, actually, I am going to keep doing that, I don't fucking care if you don't like my Bee Facts. This is Wonkette, I can swear, and I don't have to care about what you think. Now, where was I, oh yeah, ...You do? Great! Let me tell you all about it, in exhaustive detail, replete with photographs and videos! Ladies and Gentlemen, and also you regular Wonkette readers, I give you...
Home on the Prairie
This is it. It ain't much to look at, just a couple of brood frames sitting up on an old Craftsman table saw stand. It lives in the far corner of our acre here at Wonkette World HQ. It sits up on a stand because we get skunks in our yard, and it has a rock on it because we sometimes get high speed winds off of Flathead Lake. But my bees seem to like it. It is their first permanent home.
See ya wouldn't wanna be ya!
HEY FUCKERS. I AM GOING ON VACATION, STARTING NOW, AND I AM LEAVING YOU FOR NINE ENTIRE DAYS IN A ROW.
Unless you're in Seattle (see you Saturday, 4 to 7 p.m. at Discovery Park!) or Bellingham (Sunday, 2 to 5 p.m. at Sunnyland Park!), or Spokane (Sun., Aug. 19, 2 to 5 p.m. at Audubon Park!). But the REST of you sluts I will not be seeing at all!
You will be in the capable hands of Evan, supported by Dok, Dom, Robyn, $5F, Stephen and Wonderbitch. (OH! Stephen AND DOK will be in Seattle too! You should probably ride your bike to the train to the bus to the park and see us!) But that is not important. What is important is: WHAT HORRIFYING NEWS STORY IS GOING TO FORCE ME TO LEAVE MY ISLAND, GET ON A BOAT, AND GO TO THE INTERNET CAFE ON THE OTHER ISLAND?
And bring them to me.
Sup fuckers? Mama needs to get on the open road and water, and this time, that means SEATTLE, BELLINGHAM, and SPOKANE, WASHINGTON, YOU SHALL HAVE THE PLEASURE OF US.
Sometimes you feel shitty for reasons other than Donald Trump.
Given the state of affairs in the world, it is sometimes hard to tell whether you just feel shitty because things are shitty, or because there is something actually wrong with you. In my case, it's both. I am an iron-deficient anemic who often tends to forget about that for months on end -- and then I suddenly end up wondering why I am lethargic and tired, why my hands and head are all tingly, why I can't concentrate for shit, why I'm horribly depressed and why I keep chewing ice all the time. Actually, that last one is usually the point where I realize "Oh hey, that's not actually Donald Trump's fault. Maybe you should take your freaking iron pills?"
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