Memorial Day 2021: This Year Maybe The Summer Won’t Suck

Throw something on the grill and enjoy!

Memorial Day honors military personnel who have died in the service to the United States. It's not a time when you'd dare take a knee during the National Anthem or kiss up to the troops just days after blocking an investigation into a domestic attack on the Capitol. But Republicans are gonna do the last one anyway because they all had their shame removed on an outpatient basis.

House Rep. Conor Lamb from Pennsylvania preemptively suggested that the GOP sedition caucus go stuff it.

Monday is Memorial Day. As a veteran, I'd like to ask that these 35 Senators just stay home. No more BS speeches about those who gave their lives.

The mother of a veteran who gave his life just begged for your vote, & you turned your back on her & all of us.
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Raise Less Corn, More Hell

Getting better all the time.

Here is your presumably 10th rendition of Mi Mamacita Communista, or Things My Mother Taught Me, which I first wrote for May Day 2008, shortly before the country found its mind and elected the smart nice Black guy, and started serializing I guess in 2012, when I bought this joint. Some different things have happened since then! I no longer think Stalin was hilarious, and it turns out Daniel Ortega is not that awesome of a Nicaraguan president, so that's upsetting. But after last year's rendition featured "global pandemic" and "President Trump," well, once again the country has found its mind. It only ever takes absolute world-on-fire catastrophe to set a slim majority straight.

And the things, they are getting better. A weekend — 17 weekends? — ago, I went to Detroit for my little brother's college graduation from U of M. At some point, my hard Berner brother looked at me, and with a Tucker Carlson golden retriever face, asked, unprompted: "Becca: Joe Biden .... GOOD????"

So far, God willing and the creek don't rise.

Love your mother — and your brother.

And so today is May Day! We can have — or heave! — a cocktail for the working man. We can put on Our Marching Zapatos of Ocupado Justice! We can do lots and loads of things! But me, I'm missing mi mamacita communista. She didn't die or anything, she just retired and moved back to Oklahoma, where they still (unaccountably) haven't burned her for a witch.

These are things my mother taught me.

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Move Over, Cardi And Lil Nas. James O'Keefe Is The REAL Sexxxxy Maker Of Sexytime Music Videos!

Sex jam of the summer right here.

Rightwing Project Veritas dildo lube boat idiot James O'Keefe has been going through a thing lately.

He got perma-banned from Twitter. (They had already perma-banned Project Veritas a couple months back.) He said it was because he EXPOSED CNN. Twitter said it was because of all the lying and fake accounts. He said he is going to SUE TWITTER for all the DEFAMES! Twitter shook in its boots. He's also suing CNN for something or another, we don't know.

Yesterday saw what we guess is the REAL opening salvo in O'Keefe's new war against Twitter and also the WORLD.

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Rep. Adam Kinzinger Glad Y'all Know What Garbage-Asses His Cousins Are Now

This is a self-care post.

Quick follow-up on a story we told you about last week, of the very mean and terrible letter GOP Rep. Adam Kinzinger's cousins sent him to let him know he is DISOWNED and BAD for turning his back on their one true lord and savior Donald Trump. It was handwritten, in a font called Extreme Grandma Cursive, and it revealed that God (the letter underlined things a whole lot) was VERY DISAPPOINTED in Kinzinger, because in denying Trump like a common Peter denying Christ, Kinzinger had "joined the 'devil's army' believing in abortion." (He is anti-abortion. It's one of the actual problems with him.)

So, so sad! the letter wailed. Kinzinger had not only lost the respect of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, but also Tucker Carlson and Lou Dobbs and Greg Kelly and Laura Ingraham and Sean Hannity and Mark Levin and (now dead) Rush Limbaugh!

We headlined our story "Sorry about your family, Adam Kinzinger," not only because we received a similar letter one time from a family member, but also because we thought it was really exemplary of what's happening in lots of families these days. It didn't start with Donald Trump waddling down that escalator in 2015 and declaring war on America, but that was an inflection point. Some might argue it started with Fox News poisoning an entire generation of white conservatives' brains. Some might say it started even before that, with the onset of Rush Limbaugh (who is still dead), which generally coincided with when the batshit campaign to rebrand the Clintons as murderous fraud tyrants metastasized out of Arkansas and onto a national stage.

Anyway, Kinzinger went on CNN this morning, and said he's glad y'all got to read his cousins' letter, though he was not the one who leaked it. We figured he had, but he says actually the New York Times got it because one of his cousins sent it to "so many people out of so much anger" that eventually it just wound its way there. Oh, the perils of copy/pasting literally everyone on your Extreme Grandma Cursive screeds!

In the interview, Kinzinger gave some good advice, we think, to people who might be experiencing similar things in these heady times of seemingly sane people becoming brainwashed into the cults of Fox News, Trump, and now even more batshit stuff like QAnon.

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