Hold your horses, United States Senate! You'll get your chance to do an impeachment trial of Donald Trump before you know it, after the House of Representatives holds one thousand amazing (for us) and painful (for Trump) hearings and votes to impeach the motherfucker already. We promise.

The Senate Foreign Relations Committee accidentally held an impeachment hearing on Wednesday. It wasn't supposed to be an impeachment hearing. It was supposed to be the confirmation hearing for Trump's next ambassador to the land of borscht and Igor, Trump's own mother Russia, which he loveth like it's his real dad. Trouble is, the nominee, Deputy Secretary of State John Sullivan, is actually kiiiiind of a Deep State career State Department guy, and as such, he said some things we are bettin' Big Treason in the White House is not happy about.

Sullivan just kept sayin' BAD STUFF (good stuff), like for instance, that it would be not be "in accord with our values" if a president told a foreign country to investigate his political rivals. This came in response to a question from Democratic Senator Bob Menendez:

You guys, Donald Trump DID THAT CRIME. He is getting impeached for it!

Sullivan said he didn't know about the whole quid pro quo thing, where Trump was literally withholding almost $400 million in congressionally appropriated military aid to Ukraine in order to extort President Volodymyr Zelenskiy into announcing investigations into the Bidens on CNN. He knew there was a hold on that aid, though! But he didn't know EU Ambassador Gordon Sondland and Ukraine special envoy Kurt Volker were part of the "three amigos" demanding investigations into the Bidens, because he was not there that night, OK? He most certainly did not TELL THEM to do that!

Asked where their instructions came from, Sullivan said, "I don't know."

Once he knew of their activities, had he made "any attempt to find out?" asked Sen. Chris Murphy (D-Conn.).

"Since I learned of it in September, I have not," Sullivan said.


A perturbed Menendez said Sullivan was doing a "see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil"-type thing, constantly saying he didn't see nothin', your honor, HONEST. Chris Murphy, meanwhile, was not pleased with the lack of curiosity Sullivan showed toward such things.

Menendez asked Sullivan if he was aware of Trump committing any other crimes asking foreign powers to investigate his political rivals, and Sullivan said he didn't know of any. We guess Sullivan didn't see Trump on the White House lawn whistleblowing his own dick and confirming that he wants China to investigate the Bidens. That happened!

Sullivan also confirmed for Menendez that he knew Rudy Giuliani was working a dark-side shadow crime policy outside of official channels to remove Ambassador Marie Yovanovitch, though Sullivan agreed she had done nothing wrong, because she was standing in the way of the corruption Trump, Giuliani, and his team of Chucklefucks wanted to commit in Ukraine.

MENENDEZ: You were aware that there were individuals and forces outside of the State Department seeking to smear Ambassador Yovanovitch, is that correct?


MENENDEZ: And seeking to remove her, is that correct?


MENENDEZ: And did you know Mr. Giuliani was one of those people?

SULLIVAN: I believed he was, yes.

Sullivan added, "My knowledge in the spring and summer of this year about any involvement of Mr. Giuliani was in connection with a campaign against our ambassador to Ukraine." He even got the SEEKRIT DOSSIER of right-wing conspiracy theory bullshit Rudy G. sent to the State Department, but he thought it was crap, so he passed it off.

Sullivan confirmed that he was the one back in March to tell Yovanovitch she was getting the boot for zero fucking reason, stating to the Senate that she had done her job "admirably and capably." However, he also said that when a president "loses confidence" in an ambassador, it's his right to fire them. Of course Trump "lost confidence" because the biggest dipshits in America, Ukraine, and elsewhere were filling his head with conspiracy theories about Yovanovitch.

SULLIVAN: When the president loses confidence in the ambassador — right or wrong — the ambassador needs to come home.

Even if it's just Crime Time at Trump's house, we guess.

We're not saying Sullivan was all smart during his hearing, or that Trump has necessarily picked a good person to be ambassador to his homeland Russia. In one exchange, Menendez and Sullivan discussed the White House and State Department's efforts to keep State officials from testifying before Congress, which isn't going so well anymore for them. Sullivan actually cited with a straight face that dumbfuck "CONGRESS IS NOT MY REAL DAD!" letter from White House counsel Pat Cipollone, which literally all lawyers who aren't Trump-fluffing sycophants have been LOLing at ever since it came out, as part of the justification for ignoring those requests.

As the AP reports, though, Sullivan said very reassuring things about fighting Russia's election attacks and incursions into Ukraine and whatnot, so Trump can't be totally happy:

Sullivan is the lead U.S. official in talks with Russia on counter-terrorism and strategic security. He testified that if confirmed he would be "relentless" in confronting Russia over its election interference, hostile moves against neighbors such as Georgia and Ukraine, human rights abuses and violations of arms control agreements.

That's nice!

Look who's mad:

Uh huh.

So based on all this, will John Sullivan's nomination survive, or will Trump pull it?

We dunno but TICK TOCK, JOHN SULLIVAN, it was fun while it lasted, now go fill out an application at Starbucks for the holiday season, because you might need it.

[Salon / AP / Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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