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Senate Burns, Bush Issues Emergency Decree

A series of "suspicious fires" in the Dirksen and Hart Senate buildings has everybody all freaked out, because we all know what happens after the arson in the lawmakers' headquarters.

A total of four garbage-can fires were set (and extinguished) between 10:45 a.m. and 2 p.m. today, Capitol police said.


"They are suspicious in nature," Sgt. Kimberly Schneider told the Washington Post. "We are working to see if these are all connected."

Wow, that's some good police work! What would possibly lead a career law enforcement officer to think such totally different events as FOUR GARBAGE CAN FIRES IN SENATE OFFICE BUILDINGS could possibly be connected?

Oh, and they were all in bathrooms, we think? Was Senator Diaperman trying to burn the evidence?

Over at The Capitolist, terrified Hill staffers expressed their fear and concern by posting pictures like this:

Write an anonymous Capitolist commenter:

it could have been code pink, or the god hates fags church, or the rush limbaugh fans, or even brittney spears. the point is we need to start doing something about the retarded people in this country before they burn down all of our bathrooms. final sollution, anybody?

Yes, we should do something about the retarded people in this country.

'Suspicious' Fires Put Out At Senate Offices [Washington Post]

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