Senate Democrats Succumb To Lamest, Most Comical GOP Fantasy Since Forever

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Hmm, don't recall many Democratic Leaders complaining during the 2008 campaign about Barack Obama's explicit plan to shut down Guantanamo Bay, the obvious implication being that those with viable charges would be transferred to American (and a few European) prisons to face trial, while others with no charges would be released (and tracked!) in order to restore Law, which no one ever said would beeasy but hey, free society, deal with it. We even recall these Democratic Leaders clapping and agreeing! They clapped and agreed again on Obama's second day in office, too, when he signed an executive order to shut it down! So why did the Senate vote 90-6 today "to prohibit funding to transfer, release, or incarcerate detainees detained at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, to or within the United States," like a bunch of sallies?


Apparently the federal Supermax prisons are unsafe! Someone should look into that, no?

“Guantánamo makes us less safe,” the Senate majority leader, Harry Reid of Nevada, said at a news conference where he laid out the party’s rationale for its decision, which is expected to be voted on this week. “However, this is neither the time nor the bill to deal with this. Democrats under no circumstances will move forward without a comprehensive, responsible plan from the president. We will never allow terrorists to be released into the United States.”

Jesus, Obama's plan is coming out tomorrow, can you just wait like FOUR SECONDS before admitting that you agree with this magical Republican comedy video?

Hey Dick Durbin, please respond to 90 of your colleagues in grown-up language (Arabic):

Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Ill.) was one of the six Senators backing Obama's cornerstone campaign pledge...

Arguing for the $80 million for the prisoner transfer--out of $91.3 billion Defense supplemental spending, Durbin said U.S. corrections personnel already handle dangerous prisoners "every single day."

"The reality is that we're holding some of the most dangerous terrorists in the world right now in our federal prisons," Durbin said from the Senate floor.

Ha ha why are they debating this nonsense? Maybe the CIA learned via Enhanced Interrogation Techniques that The Terrorists (anyone held at Gitmo, for any reason) all have super powers -- death lasers and Gambit-style explosive playing cards and the like -- and they can only be contained by the natural electro-magnetic force field surrounding Gitmo, where they film the reality television show Lost.

Bring them to DC! They can incarcerate them in this very federal prison, where Wonkette rents its office. And hold tours, for money! What a boon to "Summer Tourist Season" that would be. Set it up like the Haunted Mansion ride at Disney Land: you get into creepy, Addams Family-style cabooses pulled around the prison by chains, everyone's having fun, hologram ghosts appear to be sitting in your lap, ha ha ha, and then at the very end, fucking Khalid Sheikh Mohammed hops out of a trap door, into your caboose, shouts "BOOGITY BOOGITY BOO," and slits your throat.

Maybe an Indiana Jones theme would be better? The details can be hashed out later.

Or they can live in our homes, who cares, just tie 'em to a lamp with a piece of twine. Twine's a respected, durable product. Goddamnit.

Democrats in Senate Block Money to Close Guantanamo [NYT]

Senate blocks Obama's Guantanamo closing plan [Lynn Sweet]

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