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Senate Dems Throw Elizabeth Warren-Shaped Bone To Annoying Liberal Base

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The Huffington Post reports that popular populist Sen. Elizabeth Warren will assume a new leadership role in the rump Democratic caucus.


She will be "crafting the party's messaging and policy" in a "new position created specifically for her," which is a notable departure from what happened the last time a position was created specifically for her and Richard Cordray filled it instead, how rude!

There's no word yet on what the new position will be called, so we'll just go with Tribune of the Plebs.

Warren was an energetic and popular surrogate for Democrats in the 2014 midterms, which, no, did not go so well, but that's hardly her fault. She drew enthusiastic crowds in territory that's hostile to Democrats, demonstrating that maybe speaking and acting like a Democrat if you are a Democrat is a good move for Democrats?

When reporting on Warren's elevation, Bloomberg News noted:

"The move to include Warren in leadership -- working with Schumer -- reflects the main point of tension for Democrats as they try to recapture the Senate in two years: Their activists want to rein in Wall Street’s influence and their candidates need Wall Street’s money to compete."

That ship has sailed, though, and bon voyage to it: Republicans got "some 70 percent" of Wall Street's contributions this cycle, down from a 50/50 split as recently as 2010.

To paraphrase history's most effective drunken asshole Winston Churchill, you can always count on Democrats to do the right thing -- after they get their brains beat in with votes and all the money dries up.

[HuffPo / Newsmax / Bloomberg / CNBC]

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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