Stop bothering them.

Today the chair and vice chair of the Senate Intelligence Committee, Republican Richard Burr and Democrat Mark Warner, held a press conference to give a "progress report" on the state of the Trump-Russia investigation. BREAKING NEWS, the headline out of this "progress report" is that there is no headline besides they will be done with their dadgum investigation when they are done with their dadgum investigation, now STFU.

The Washington Post explains there was a bit of controversy over whether this would be a "progress report" or an "interim report," noting that it seems Burr is feeling the heat from the dumber Trump-loving segment of the GOP to wrap up this damn investigation, since everybody knows the president has clearly stated many times, "No Russia, No Russia, You Are The Russia." Case closed, so can the GOP please get back to its true mission, which is fucking hard-working Americans in the ass?

WaPo linked to a Politico report about how unhappy and paranoid and stupid Trump loyalists are about the Russia investigation. Arizona GOP Rep. Andy Biggs, a Trump idiot, says three investigations in Congress is "TOO MANY." Politico quotes an Arizona GOP idiot lady from the RNC who says GOP leadership in Congress is behind all these witch hunt investigations into Trump, because they just can't handle the fact that Donald Trump is the rightfully elected orange moron boy king of America. That's gotta be it.

Another braindead Republican, this time a committeeman from Nebraska, 'splained that the "average person" in Nebraska has concluded the Russia investigation is a buncha bullroar. "That's certainly my conclusion," he added. We were not aware the "average person" in Nebraska had been granted a security clearance on intelligence related to anything outside of top secret cow farts, but OK.

The point is that Trump dead-enders don't want Republicans in Congress investigating Trump, because they don't love America and also they are GOP whores.


As for news that emerged from the presser, as we said, there wasn't much. Here's video of Senator Burr saying the investigation has definitely "expanded," which is sure to make the tinfoil hat genius-dick brigade we quoted above very upset:

One notable thing from the presser was when Burr said the committee's investigation into the totally-not-debunked Steele Dossier (you know, the one with the hooker pee and the Trump treason) had sort of "hit a wall." Burr alleged that the "committee cannot really decide the credibility of the dossier" without understanding "who paid for it, who were your sources and sub-sources" (PFFFFFFT), and begged Christopher Steele, the spy what authored it, to please please PLEASE come talk to them.

Burr and Warner said they feel pretty satisfied with their understanding of a few things at this point. They support the conclusions of the intelligence community in its assessment of Russian interference in the 2016 election. Burr seemed to say the weird April 2016 meeting at the Mayflower Hotel, where Trump gave his first big boy foreign policy speech, and which was attended by the Russian ambassador, was probably a big nothing, but reminded everyone that if new information emerges about it, so be it!

Burr said the committee is satisfied with what it knows about James Comey's memos and his firing, but neglected to share exactly what that is, before saying those are probably better questions for the Justice Department. That's a criminal obstruction of justice matter against the president, so we're going to guess it's probably more in special counsel Robert Mueller's wheelhouse anyway.

As to the question of whether the Trump campaign colluded with Russia, Burr said, "I'm not even going to discuss initial findings, because we haven't any." They have MILLIONS MORE DOCUMENTS TO READ and MILLIONS MORE PEOPLE TO INTERVIEW, you guys, so stop nagging them! He added later that the "issue of collusion is still open," and that his committee will not be providing any kind of "temporary finding."

As for Senator Warner, he emphasized that Russian interference in the 2016 election was not a one-off thing, that it's not limited to America, and that it will happen again. He noted his annoyance that it took the Department of Homeland Security a year to reveal that 21 states' electoral systems were targeted by Russia.

And that's about it! The investigation continues, because Richard Burr and Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan and Dead Ronald Reagan are obviously doing Republican conspiracies to keep Donald Trump from Making America Great Again, even though the Russia investigation is totally fake and there is nothing to see here. On that note, here are some headlines of Russia stories we haven't had a chance to cover this week, due to how everything is terrible with Puerto Rico and mass executions in Las Vegas:

FAKE NEWS, ALL OF IT! Just like it's FAKE NEWS that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called Donald Trump a fucking "moron," because that is what he knows to be true in his heart.

Onward and upward, Senate investigators! Wouldn't want Robert Mueller to win the race and throw all these fuckers in jail and make you look dumb and slow and bad at races, would you?


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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