Senate Intel Committee Wants To See All Of Trump Team's Russian Sexts RIGHT NOW

Bet these two send some sexts.

A few days back, we became just a mite annoyed because it seemed like the Senate Intelligence Committee, which was supposed to be the "grown-up" one that actually took its job of investigating the Trump Russia scandal seriously, was in fact dicking around like a common Devin Nunes. It came down to how Senator Richard Burr of North Carolina, a Republican dick-noggin Trump supporter, wouldn't even sign subpoena requests for documents related to the investigation. Moreover, the committee was only barely hiring staff to help with the investigation, and the whole thing was just UGH!

But maybe a little public shaming has convinced Burr that he should at least vaguely make it look like he's doing something, so the committee is asking all the Trump team to please hand over whatever candygrams, Snapchats and XXX SEXTS they've exchanged with their Russian pals. The New York Times reports that they are asking nicely, so that if Trumpers do not comply, they can bring down the loving subpoena hammer and force them.

The Senate Intelligence Committee, seeking to accelerate its broad investigation into Russian meddling in the presidential election, has asked a number of high­-profile Trump campaign associates to hand over emails and other records of communications and dealings with Russian officials and businesspeople.

The requests, made in letters sent by the committee in the past 10 days, are a preliminary step and open the way to subpoenas for anyone who does not comply, said two officials with knowledge of the Senate investigation. They said Senator Richard M. Burr, a North Carolina Republican who is chairman of the committee, was prepared to compel the Trump associates to turn over their records.

He had fuckin' better, lest he end up being #complicit in the scandal, if he isn't already.

We'll see how the White House responds to this, since they've been a complete pain in the ass about Rep. Elijah Cummings's requests for documents on the hiring and vetting of LITERAL ACTUAL FOREIGN AGENT Michael Flynn for the position of national security adviser. Our guess is that the White House has a shitload to hide, therefore they ain't wanna turn over no documents.

Our guess is that the White House also won't like the Senate Intel Committee's requests for all the co-ed naked Skype sessions Trump and his BFFs have had with literally every Russian spy who ever lived, because it will make them look guilty as shitfire.

Of course, it's likely many of their communications with the Russians were done top secret-like, and thus will not be available in their AOL free trial You've Got Mail-boxes.

The Times reports that letters were sent to fedora-wearing weirdo Roger Stone and conspiracy theory weirdo Carter Page (who thinks Hillary is doing #Pizzagate to his civil rights), as well as Paul Manafort and Michael Flynn.

Stone literally cannot wait to turn over whatever information he has, because he is one of the goons who wants to testify in order to clear His Good Name, which he apparently thinks exists. He says the only contact he's ever had with the Russians was with the hacker Guccifer 2.0 on Twitter, and he's already told us all about that, so what's the fuss? We just hope the Deep State doesn't murder him again before he has a chance to give up the goods.

Meanwhile, Carter Page is being a weird queen, as usual, saying OK fine, he'll turn over whatever nakey pictures he's been exchanging with Russian intelligence, but he knows whatever he shares, the FBI probably has SO MUCH MORE on him than he could provide, due to how they've been illegally monitoring his communications with a completely legal FISA warrant:

In an email, he said, “Although I will help in any way that I can, please note that any records I may have saved as a private citizen with limited technology capabilities will be minuscule in comparison to the full database of information which has already been collected under last year’s completely unjustified FISA warrant.

Yeah OK, cupcake. They were only able to get a FISA warrant because they had evidence you were doing Bad Things, and the FISA judge agreed.

All these dicks are supposed to respond to the request by May 9, and if they say "yeah whatever," they are expected to hand it all over by May 19. If they do not comply, they will either be in Big Trouble Mister, or they will suffer no consequences, because Richard Burr has decided to be a pussy again.

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[New York Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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