Senate Intelligence Committee Shoves Subpoena Up Michael Flynn's Ass

It was time for a new Michael Flynn picture.

OH HEY QUICK UPDATE. Looks like Donald Trump's petulant firing of FBI Director James Comey might be having the opposite of its intended effect, because the Senate Intelligence Committee is steppin' up its game on the Trump-Russia investigation, y'all! First off, we learned this week that the committee was working with the Treasury Department's financial crimes unit (FinCEN) to track down documents related to Team Trump's possible financial crimes, whether or not they are Russia-related. And now? IT'S SUBPOENA TIME, BABY!

Last week, we reported that the committee submitted requests for documents related to contacts between several members of the Trump team (Roger Stone, Carter Page, Paul Manafort and literal actual foreign agent/fired national security adviser Michael Flynn) and the Russians. At the time, Republican committee chair Senator Richard Burr signaled that if these assholes don't cooperate, he's totally prepared to subpoena them.

Well, guess who's not cooperating right now? DING DING DING, it is Michael Flynn, who is probably too busy investigating the non-existent basement of the Comet Ping Pong in Washington DC, looking for signs of #Pizzagate. And guess whose ass just got subpoenaed by the Senate Intelligence Committee? DING DING DING, it is Michael Flynn!

The Senate intelligence committee Wednesday issued a subpoena to former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn for documents regarding his interactions with Russian officials.

The subpoena comes after Flynn's lawyer, Robert Kelner, alerted the panel that he would not provide documents in response to their April 28 request.

UH OH! Does this mean that, instead of Burr being intimidated by Trump's wanna-be strongman firing of Comey, the good senator from North Carolina got a fire lit up under his ass? WHOA IF TRUE!

This is a marked change from last month, when reports came out that the Senate Intel Committee, which started out SO WELL, was just cold dicking around, because Richard Burr was too busy yanking his crank to sign subpoena requests. Good job, Richard Burr, for changing your behavior!

Even scary dead-eyed Republican Senator James Lankford of Oklahoma, who also sits on the Intel committee, says AYUP, that dingbat Russian spy disobeyed our author-i-tah, therefore we threw a subpoena at his dumb face for a "large number of documents":

"He didn't turn those documents over, so we have subpoenaed those documents," Lankford said. "We do expect them to be delivered to us."

Wonkette commends Senator Lankford for being good at life for the first time ever, and encourages him to be good at life some more!

So! Will the Senate Intelligence Committee continue to act right? We don't know, and there's too much news to report today, so you'll have to discuss that in the comments, which are not allowed.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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