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Hooray!


Oh, is that too harsh? Are you some kind of child who thinks mass shootings aren't going to happen again and again and again, unless our country drastically makes a change? OK, you do you, and the rest of us will look at the results of Senate Republicans' latest shot at pretending to look like they're doing something in the wake of a mass shooting.

Are you surprised that eight days after 49 Americans were murdered in the largest mass shooting in American history, and after a 15-hour filibuster from the Democrats begging that we do something, ANYTHING OH MY GOD ANYTHING, to reduce gun violence, that Republicans didn't feel like doing anything? Pffffft, you must have fallen off the wrong side of the turnip truck next week, or at least you're new here.

Here are the Democratic measures that did not pass in the United States Senate Monday night, just like they didn't pass after San Bernardino, because Republicans like sucking the NRA's cock more than they like preventing people from being killed by guns:

  • The Feinstein Amendment, sponsored by California Sen. Dianne Feinstein. It basically would have let the attorney general refuse to sell guns to somebody they have a "reasonable belief" might do terrorism with them. It would also have automatically blocked people on the terror watch list from buying guns. USA Today explains it's often known as the "No Fly / No Buy" amendment, but that it could also have applied to people not currently on the "No Fly" list. Itty bitty kudos to Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-NH) and Sen. Mark Kirk (R-IL) for voting with the Democrats on this one. It failed by a vote of 47-53, because apparently most Republicans want to sell guns to ISIS.
  • The Murphy Amendment, sponsored by Connecticut Sen. Chris Murphy. It would have required background checks on ALL GUN SALES, closing the "gun show loophole" by requiring the same background checks at gun shows and online as in Brick 'N' Mortar, Mom 'N' Pop Ye Olde Gun Shoppes. Such a simple fix a toddler could understand it. That is, if the toddler isn't currently playing with his parents' guns while his daddy is watching the NRA's Wayne LaPierre piss himself on the TV. The tiniest kudos go to Republican Sen. Mark Kirk (IL) for breaking ranks with his party on this amendment, and a pox on Democratic Sens. Jon Tester (MT), Joe Manchin (WV) and Heidi Heitkamp (ND), for voting with the GOP. It failed 44-56, because it is NO FAIR.

And here are the Republican-sponsored half-ass measures that also did not pass (both failed 53-47), because they are kind of bullshit and could even make things worse:

  • The Cornyn Amendment, sponsored by Texas Sen. John Cornyn. This is a weeny-fied weasel version of Feinstein's amendment that says if somebody on the terror watch list tries to buy a gun, a three-day investigation would automatically commence. If the government failed to find anything terror-tastic about the person in those 72 hours (which is SUCH a long time, if you think about it, like Friday seems SO FAR AWAY YOU GUYS), yippee, they get the gun!
  • The Grassley Amendment, which, as we explained Monday, sought to maybe sorta kinda make the National Criminal Instant Background Check System (NCIS) a little better, with some extra funding and exciting incentives for states to make sure the government's databases are really good. Also would have allowed the government to actually study the causes of mass shootings. But actually expanding background checks and closing the gun show loophole? HAHAHA, no that's not American! And what if a Bad Guy gets a "Good Guy" (with no red flags) to buy him all the guns? Well good job for being so clever, Bad Guy!

In response to the Senate's latest failure (oh we SAY that, but again, they're probably sending up SO MANY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS RIGHT NOW!), presumptive Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton posted this on Facebook:

For his part, Donald Trump tweeted the following about a half an hour before Hillary's Facebook post, but still well after the Senate votes failed. But he was busy at the time, you see:

And that is how things are in America right now, the end.

[Dallas Morning News / Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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