Usually when we tell you a story of "Senate's Dumbest Republican did X," it is because human cheese curd Wisconsin GOP Senator Ron Johnson went on "Meet The Press" and spat out Russian and Fox News propaganda that sounds dumber than anything Donald Trump said on his very perfect phone call with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy.

Or because he's trying to send subpoenas for a big boy investigation into Hunter Biden in the Senate, based on debunked bullshit and Russian Propaganda.

Or because he, himself, seems to be all the way up his ass in Trump's Ukraine scandal.

Or because he literally believes there was a secret society at the FBI hellbent on taking down Donald Trump, based on a jokey "secret society" text message between two FBI officials who were fucking and also sent each other jokey text messages.

Or ... Look, the point is that Ron Johnson, a human Wisconsin cheese curd, is actually dumber than a Wisconsin cheese curd. And he has thoughts on coronavirus. Why aren't we talking about the good coronavirus stories? You know, the ones where the people who got it didn't die?

Not kidding:

"One thing the press has not covered at all is the people who have really recovered," said Senator Ron Johnson of Wisconsin, a Republican ally of Mr. Trump's. "Right now all people are hearing about are the deaths. I'm sure the deaths are horrific, but the flip side of this is the vast majority of people who get coronavirus do survive."

Why yes, Mr. Johnson, that is mighty unfair of the lamestream media not to talk about the heartwarming and silly side of coronavirus. (Except that there actually are articles all over the place about people who have had it and then lived to tell the tale. This one from the L.A. Times will particularly make you roll your eyes, or at least the shitty headline will.)

And it's true, there are lots of people who have had coronavirus and survived! When you are watching the scary news and they say the mortality rate is around three percent, or whatever percentage they are giving that day, it's kind of baked into the story that there are 97 percent who do not experience "mortality" when they get coronavirus. You fucking dumb shit.

Hell, here's one from the New York Times where one person who gets it survives and the other one doesn't, so hey, they're telling #bothsides, Senator Johnson!

Anecdotally, we can report EXCLUSIVELY MUST CREDIT WONKETTE that we are hearing from friends in New Orleans who are pretty sure they actually already had the corona about a month ago, during the Mardi Gras season. And they're fine! Of course, the flip side of that is that in Memphis, where we live, the confirmed cases we have so far came from Mardi Gras, and if/when those people infect more vulnerable people, they could die. So our pals' "we already had this" theory could be very much correct, and we're glad they're OK!

Of course, among all those who survive coronavirus, there are also people who don't have healthcare and are going to end up with massive bills from lengthy ICU stays, and people who end up with sustained lung damage, and there are also the coronavirus-related stories, like about kids who rely on school for free lunch programs and now are worried where their next meals are going to come from because of school closures, Senator Johnson, but sure, whatever! Look on the bright side! Of the global pandemic that's killed thousands and is multiplying exponentially each day!

In conclusion, here is Ron Johnson talking about how the Trump administration is just doing a really good job, because they're not under-reacting, but they also know how not to over-react. (You know, by telling Americans the truth about what's really going on or making a real fucking plan for testing or by letting states expand Medicare to take care of their populations, we guess. Those would be total life-savers over-reactions.)

We say this with every fiber of our currently social-distancing being: Go fuck yourself, Ron Johnson.

You dumbass motherfucker.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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