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Sex Detective Tipper Gore Doesn't Believe Ex-Husband Groped Massage Lady

News

The tabloids would have you believe that Al Gorewanted some masseuse person to touch his genitals one time years ago, but a respectable magazine, People, does not believe this, as they heard from one of Tipper Gore's friends that she doesn't believe it happened. "And they also say Al had an affair with a Tennessee Titans cheerleader one week," the "friend" is quoted as saying, though nobody has said that, nor would we believe that, unless this is a BIG SCOOP that will come out soon with hott deets.


Also revealed: The now-separated Gores were recently seen "doing lake stuff," according to this person, so make of that what you will. Wait, don't! Gross!

Not revealed: who this "friend" is. But it is probably Al Gore himself, trying to provide himself spousal cover for his massage groping and trying to make us believe he could land himself an NFL cheerleader. [People]

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I was in D.C. last week for the first time since Donald Trump proved that our electoral process is silly. It feels like Vegas now with all the images of Trump around. Then I remembered he has the same job as the guy in the Jefferson Memorial. I tried to rationalize it in my head: Jefferson had unprotected sex with enslaved women. Trump reportedly has unprotected sex with adult film stars who can more or less come and go as they please. I suppose that's an improvement.

But how did we get here? How did our institutions fail us? It's not so much that Trump is an unqualified, racist radish head. He's also ridiculously corrupt.

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How can people be THIS BAD at their jobs?!?!? Did the State Department's social media team really schedule a live discussion of "traveling with kids" while the media is showing babies snatched at the border and imprisoned in cages?

OH. MY. GOD.

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