Trump

Can Rush Limbaugh And Ben Ferguson Please Put Their Yucky Trump Boners Back In Their Panties? Thx.

Who wants to hear some frumpy Republican men talk about how masculine Donald Trump is? HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

We really didn't think we were going to have to write a follow-up on weird gross Rush Limbaugh's weird gross comments about how to tell the children what Pete Buttigieg is doing when he kisses his husband onstage. (He is kissing his husband. Grow up.)

But alas, we do, because Rush Limbaugh went and made it grosser, because he got his stinky boner involved. (Not sure if Viagra was needed this time.) And he's not the only one either. Rightwing weird gross guy Ben Ferguson also got his stinky boner involved.

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Sex

Put Some SPICEY In Your Lover's Sexxx Panties, With A Sean Spicer Sexxx Panties Valentine's Video!

That'll be $199, sir.

Hello, everyone, please make way to your bunks so you can have some privacy, as the exclusive internet-only offer in this blog post is going to titillate you in the bathing suit area.

Here is a preview:

Giphy

Ohhhhhhhh ZOINKS!

That's right, it's former screaming lying White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer (yes, we used to have one of those), who went on to a several-week-long career as a forbidden sexual dancer on the "Dancing With The Stars" program, and he is selling some special Valentine's Day videos.

You know, for your lover.

You know, in case you haven't boned in a while.

And you definitely aren't interested in breaking that dry spell this Friday night.

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Sex

Utah Politicians Don't Think They Need Prisons Full Of Sister Wives

This is interesting!

In 1846, after being chased out of several states due to their controversial practices, Brigham Young led a group of 148 intrepid Mormons from their Illinois settlement out west, to stake out a place where they could practice their religion in peace. And they found it — in the Great Salt Lake region that would later become the state of Utah. But not for like 50 years. You see the United States didn't want to let Utah become a state, because of all the polygamy. "Sure! Have your religion where you wear special underwear, you can't drink coffee and you get your own planet after you die! We're cool! But you're not getting extra wives, even if it means you get a bigger planet after you die!" (Full disclosure: I am not totally clear on how the planet thing works.)

Eventually, the Mormons gave in and not only made polygamy illegal but also made it clear that it was no longer a tenet in their religion ... and they got to be a state. Since then, polygamy has been illegal, despite the fact that it obviously still goes on. Like with the FLDS and that show on TLC. But it's not just banned, it's a full on felony that will get you up to five years in prison and some hefty fines. It's actually more strict in Utah than in any other state in the country — simply living with an additional "spiritual wife" that you are not even legally married to is a crime.

But on Monday, members of the Utah Senate Judiciary, Law Enforcement and Criminal Justice Committee unanimously voted to approve a bill making polygamy an infraction with a maximum $750 fine, as opposed to a felony. It will now go to the state Senate for a full vote.

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Sex

CPAC's Hottest Sexxx Play This Year Not Shame Secret Grindr Hookups, Allegedly!

Just kidding, the sad closet case Grindr hookups at CPAC will probably still be hotter than this limp turd.

Fire up your bathing suit regions, CPAC, because for the first time ever, you are going to get a theatrical drama sexxx show!

That's right, one night only, get your tickets now, or get your tickets at the door, or drop some quarters in a guitar case to see if you can get the actors to do it again later at 10 the next morning in the parking lot, because Dean Cain and Kristy Swanson (Wingnut TV Superman and Original-Not-As-Good-As-The-TV-Version Buffy) will be bringing their surely Tony-worthy performance of Secret Boner Society In My Pants: The Musical! to the Broadway stage Off Broadway stage off the highway next to the rest stop stage CPAC stage on Friday, February 27!

OK maybe that is not the real title, but we wanted to say that one because ours is better. Actually it is called FBI Lovebirds: Undercover, and it is not a musical, but rather just a dramatic reading of the texts and congressional testimonies of former FBI officials Peter Strzok and Lisa Page, who are definitely absolutely Public Enemy No. 1 to the MAGA dipshit set, because of how they sent some texts while in the employ of the FBI that indicated they may not personally like Donald Trump very much. Also they were boning, extramaritally.

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