His boss needs to join him.
Tennessee House Speaker Glen Casada's chief of staff Cade Cothren resigned Monday night, and it wasn't just because he'd allegedly tried to frame a black student activist. It turns out Cothren has a repulsive history of sending racist and sexist text messages. He's also made gross advances toward former interns, lobbyists, and campaign staffers. He's a full deck of House of Cards.
The text messages are from 2014 to 2016. Cothren was the House Republicans' press secretary at the time, so in theory he should've known a better way to communicate with people. Cothren also seems to think three to five years ago is the distant past.
COTHREN: I'm just not the same guy that I was several years back. I was young and dumb and immature. There's no excuse for it at all, and I'm not trying to make excuses, but I can tell you that I have changed since then... While I'm not proud of who I was in the past, I am proud that, with God's grace and a strong support system, I've been able to achieve so much in the years since.
We normally believe that "existence precedes essence" but Cothren's actual existence is putrid and slimy. Texts show that Cothren requested oral sex and nude photos from interns like he was using a pervert's GrubHub. He told a lobbyist that he'd be up for sleeping with an older woman (charming). He also asked an intern about her underwear and orgasms. He could've just called a phone sex line, but he probably enjoyed exerting his dominance over women in the workplace. He's an asshole is all we're saying.
It was previously set to go into effect May 3.
Back in February, the Trump administration announced that it would be making the global gag rule on abortion truly global by implementing it right here in the United States. The new rule will bar family planning centers that refer patients to abortion providers from receiving Title X funding. The $286 million will instead be given to "faith-based" groups like Obria that, uh, pretty much just provide pregnancy tests for people who apparently don't know you can get pregnancy tests at the dollar store, and tell people about the rhythm method and adoption, for people who are somehow unaware that those things exist as well.
It's bad. It's ... it's really, really bad. And it's set to go into effect on May 3.
But (PHEW) we may be granted a reprieve. Late on Tuesday night, after hearing arguments from Planned Parenthood, the American Medical Association, and a coalition representing 20 US states and the District of Columbia, US District Judge Michael J. McShane, an Obama appointee, announced that he would grant a preliminary injunction against the new rule. The judge also granted a preliminary injunction against another stupid new rule that would prohibit Title X family planning centers from being housed in the same place as abortion providers. He says he will issue a formal opinion soon.
Via The Oregonian:
DICK, I RECKON!
AIN'T THIS JUST ALWAYS THE WAY?
You're a young-ish gay bro with a smokin' hot body, and you've gone to Coachella with your young-ish gay bro friends with smokin-hot bodies (you are WeHo gays, because of course you are). Your shirts are off, you're glistening with sweat as you grind to the music, maaaaaaaybe there are some illegal drugs coursing through your veins and some poppers in your fanny pack for later, and before you know it somebody puts a picture of you on the internet with your tongue in some dude's mouth and your hands down his pants. Whatcha lookin' for in there, young-ish gay bro with the smokin' hot body? Buried treasure? Or maybe just D-I-K? (Not gonna lie, we have been in similar situations.)
Did we mention you are Aaron Schock, former anti-gay congressman from Peoria, Illinois, the quote-unquote "metrosexual" dude who resigned in disgrace in a corruption scandal and proceeded to be indicted in 2016 on 24 counts? (The one who you -- different "you," Editrix Rebecca "you," not the Aaron Schock "you" -- had thought was already out of the closet and didn't understand why this was a post, and you were like "why is this a post, Evan, dude isn't even in Congress anymore, so, he kissed a guy, big fuckin' whoop" and THEN you realized that oh, that bitch has been lying this whooooole time, and in fact was still "metrosexual" and "straight" and "a big fucking gaybasher" up until now:thirty? -- Ed.)
Well, far be it from us to say people shouldn't have second chances, or that there's anything wrong with throwin' hips with a gay bro of the same gender -- or several in the same weekend! -- but on the same day when the first legitimately openly gay presidential candidate is being mocked by protesters dressing up as him and BEATING JESUS CHRIST (because that's what gays do!) and screaming at him about Sodom and Gomorrah, we kind of give a shit.
Smile, Aaron Schock, you seem to be on candid camera!
Class, Tucker Carlson has issues again.
If you are a man or a lady of letters, and are also versed in all internet traditions, you are likely aware of the famous satirical online web essay "Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?" It's a monologue from The Onion, in the voice of a man who is just really fine with gay guys, he's just fine, but he's not gay, which leads to the conundrum in question. It's just that "wherever [he goes] these days" -- locker rooms, cruising spots in the woods -- he'd be just shooting the breeze, and before he knew it, a homosexual was sucking his cock! The narrator ends by saying that he really doesn't want to do this, but if it keeps happening, he's going to have to teach those homosexuals a lesson by fuckin' them right in their gay butt!
We wanted that great work of internet to be on your mind as you watch this video of Tucker Carlson talking about Pete Buttigieg last night. The words in all caps below the video are the actual words he said, and the clip is only eight seconds long, but luckily, it's looped, so that you may watch it for the rest of your natural life, if you so choose:
THEY WANT TO CONSUME HIM LIKE A HEARTY STEW.
EVERY LAST DROP OF BUTTIGIEG.
THEY'RE ALL IN.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez apparently has the day off from living rent-free in Tucker Carlson's disturbing psychosexual fantasies, and the role will be played by her understudy Pete Buttigieg dressed up for Halloween as a can of Slutty Dinty Moore Beef Stew.
It doesn't actually sound like a very hot club.
Oh good, we have another story from the genre of "look at these sad Trump idiot staffers, who can't even eat 12 KFC Double Downs or find a boning partner on Tinder without being lightly made fun of or denied sex or LITERALLY MURDERED BY ANTIFA." Every so often we find a sad story like this, about how unlike staffers from every other administration (yes including the Republican ones), who had normal lives and lived close to the White House in the same neighborhoods every other administration's staffers did, Trump's people are SAD and DEJECTED and REJECTED and SHUT UP, WE ARE NOT EITHER SAD, AND WE DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO BE IN YOUR CLUB ANYWAYS!
They live in their own neighborhoods, down there around the Wharf and Navy Yard, because those are gauche and nondescript blank slates, just like they are. And for real, nobody will sleep with them, because Tinder is a "swipe left for Trump people" zone in DC, and we imagine all their screennames are MAGACOCK45 anyway, and that's kind of a dead giveaway.
And now Politico -- of course it's Politico -- has gone on another Cletus Coitus Safari into the mysterious hinterlands of the "45 Club," which is the hottest club for disaffected Trump staffers (WHO DIDN'T WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU ANYWAY). Also it does not have an address. And to be clear, this particular article isn't about how they're All Dressed Up With Nobody To Fuck, we are just assuming that is still their status quo, and as evidence, we'd like to point to Stephen Miller's latest immigration crackdown, which just probably wouldn't be happening if Trump folks were getting laid.
This post isn't remotely about Mitt Romney fucking. OR IS IT?
Everybody put on your favorite magic Mormon underpants, because it's time to go to Utah and let somebody what is not your lawfully covenant temple-married spouse RIP THEM OFF AND THROW THEM INTO THE GREAT SALT LAKE, because the governor of Utah has legalized all the fucking, even with people you are not wedded to. That's right, Romney family! You guys can do extracurriculars if you want now!
(Remember, Mittens, it's not the size of the car that counts, but the motion of the car elevator!)
So first there was HB40, which legalized sodomy and adultery in Utah. (See? EXTRACURRICULAR BUTT STUFF, Romneys! It will be your favorite!) And then there was SB43, which legalized fornication. And Utah Governor Gary Herbert signed 'em all!
Get ready for the Supreme Court case we've all been dreading.
Ever since beer-liking sex creep Brett Kavanaugh managed to get himself appointed to the Supreme Court, we have lived with the knowledge that, soon, a case challenging Roe v. Wade will make its way to the Supreme Court. We have lived with the likelihood that it will be overturned.
This week, Kentucky instituted two new laws regulating abortion, which, combined with other anti-abortion laws, will have the effect of effectively banning the procedure throughout the state.
The first new law passed on Wednesday night bans abortions sought after a fetal diagnosis. So if you go to the doctor and the doctor says "Your child is going to be born without a brain and will live for only a few hours in excruciating pain before dying," and you think to yourself "Gee, that seems like a pretty terrible thing to put a child through!" and then want to get an abortion, you cannot do so. With a law like this, Kentucky will really be giving Mississippi a run for its money in the infant mortality rate department.
As the ACLU points out, the Kentucky legislature and Governor Matt Bevin have yet to meet a ridiculous anti-abortion law they don't like.
This is just the most recent effort by Gov. Matt Bevin of Kentucky and other politicians to push abortion out of reach. Bevin has forced two other clinics to stop providing abortion, resulting in EMW in Louisville being the last remaining abortion facility in the state.
Bevin tried to close EMW in 2017 by threatening to revoke its license, claiming that there were technical deficiencies with EMW's hospital transfer agreement, such as the "wrong" person at the hospital signed it. There is no medical reason to require a transfer agreement in the first place, and Bevin's administration was nit-picking EMW's agreement to try to shut it down. We sued, and a federal district held that the state's attempts to shut down the clinic were unwarranted and unconstitutional. Undaunted, Kentucky has appealed, so we are still fighting these efforts.
The Kentucky Legislature also passed a law in 2017 that requires doctors to show patients seeking an abortion the ultrasound image and describe it in detail, even over a patient's objection. We challenged the law and a court held that it was unconstitutional, but Kentucky appealed that decision too. Another law passed in 2018 effectively bans abortions after approximately 15 weeks of pregnancy; we challenged that law, too, and the court stopped the law from taking effect while it is being litigated.
The second law, passed on Thursday night, bans abortion after six weeks -- which is often before a person even knows they are pregnant.
Isn't that illegal? It sure is! Roe guarantees the right to abortion up to viability, or 24-25 weeks. The legislators who passed this law are well aware of this. They want the law to be challenged in court. They want to take it all the way to the Supreme Court, as they (quite reasonably) believe that it will result in Roe being overturned.
There are those that say it is almost inevitable that it will be overturned and who are already preparing for a post-Roe world (like me), and those who say it will never happen because John Roberts will magically decide to not be terrible about this. Either way, we're gonna find out who's right pretty soon.
Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you. Click below to tip us!
Yeah, it's shocking.
Hey, remember that fun time when federal prosecutors made those National Enquirer editors admit to engaging in an illegal scheme to violate campaign finance law by buying up stories of then-candidate Donald Trump's roving pecker to make sure that that voters never saw them? Well, guess which propaganda firehose also caught the story on the Stormy Daniels payoff and killed it to benefit candidate Trump?
Good reporting, kiddo. But Rupert wants Donald Trump to win. So just let it go.
That's from last week's blockbuster New Yorker article by Jane Mayer on the uholy feedback loop between Trump and Rupert Murdoch's Whitesploitation network. FoxNews.com reporter Diana Falzone spent six months working on the Stormy Daniels payoff story, and by October of 2016, just a month before the election, she'd it nailed down. She had emails between Michael Cohen and Keith Davidson, Daniels's former attorney, and had even seen the hush agreement. But her editor Ken LaCorte killed the story, allegedly to benefit the Trump campaign, and then Fox made sure to bury it in a non-disclosure agreement when Falzone sued the network in May of 2017 for retaliation and gender and disability discrimination.
But nothing stays buried forever, at least not when there's a Democratic majority in the House of Representatives. And as Falzone's lawyer Nancy Erika Smith suggested on Ari Melber's show, a congressional subpoena overrides a contractual NDA. Hint hint.
Class act, this one.
This has not been a good week for Fox News. There was the Jane Mayer article in the New Yorker about how the station is deeply in cahoots with Donald J. Trump to the point of being obvious propaganda. There was Judge Jeanine Pirro trying to suggest that the fact that Rep. Ilhan Omar wears a hijab means that she is devoted to Sharia Law and thus opposes the Constitution (which is particularly interesting in light of the fact that Pirro is herself a Catholic, and for many years the line on Catholics was that they were too loyal to the Pope to be loyal to America). Then there was Tucker. Tucker being worshiped by white supremacists, Tucker defending child rapist Warren Jeffs, Tucker saying a bunch of racist shit, Tucker saying he wanted a racist president, etc. etc.
All the controversy has led to many advertisers deciding that they may not want their brands associated with such people. Several have decided to take their dollars elsewhere. Given that the MyPillow guy cannot singlehandedly support the station on his own, Fox will be having a special emergency pitch meeting to Madison Avenue executives in hopes of keeping more of the advertisers they still have and perhaps reaching new ones. They plan to highlight the "real news" portion of their programming, which at this point is close to non-existent, as well as the fact that they are the most watched cable news network in the nation.
They may have a little trouble doing that, given that there has been yet another dump of Tucker Carlson's comments from the Bubba The Love Sponge show -- in which he, once again, appears to get very excited about the prospect of sex with underage girls.
The year was 2007, and a young lady named Caitlin Upton had just made a damn fool of herself on national television when, in the Miss Teen USA pageant, she answered a question in a not-very-smart way.
Washington Rep. Brad Klippert REALLY wants to put kids on the sex offenders registry for sexting.
This Monday, legislators in the Washington state House passed legislation meant to decriminalize teen sexting. Currently, the law charges teens with felony distribution of child pornography, a conviction that can and has put them on the sex offenders registry for the rest of their lives. According to Representative Noel Frame, 50 minors have been charged with distributing child pornography since this became the law in 2017.
Is it stupid for a teenager to send a dick pic? Sure it is! But it's not a thing that should land someone on the sex offenders registry for the rest of their lives. Putting anyone on it for something like this undermines the entire purpose and legitimacy of the registry, which is meant to protect people from offenders who pose an actual danger to them. There is an obvious difference between someone who is a rapist or a child molester and an idiot teenager who sends a picture of her boobs to her boyfriend. Being on the sex offenders registry limits where someone can work, where they can live, so if you're going to put someone on it, it really better be for a damn good reason.
Via The Stranger:
Frame's bill would prevent kids from being charged with a felony for possessing naked photos of themselves. Minors sharing naked photos, however, could be charged with a simple or gross misdemeanor if the person in the photo is between 13 and 17-years-old. Distributing images of kids 12 and under will still be a class B felony.
Frame argues that the bill is designed to educate kids, decriminalize possession so that they can come forward and report exploitation, and implement reasonable accountability measures for when they're sharing photos in a way that could potentially harm other kids. Existing laws around malicious distribution and harassment will still be in place, Frame says, so kids who share photos on a revenge-porn tear will still be subject to those statutes.
Seems fine enough, right? Well, not according to Republicans in the House, who urged legislators to support an amendment to the bill proposed by school resource officer and Pentecostal preacher (natch) Rep. Brad Klippert.
North Carolina really knows how to pick 'em.
GOP congressional candidate Stony Rushing -- the dumbass gun range owner endorsed by Mark Harris in the Republican primary for the do-over election for North Carolina's district nine seat -- certainly has a fascinating history, as detailed by Judd Legum at Popular Information. The Boss Hogg-cosplaying county commissioner is a fan of conspiracy theories, and accuses Democrats of being ultimately responsible for the election fraud scandal that caused the state Board of Elections to order a new election, even if all the cheating was done by Republican operatives. So it shouldn't be the least bit surprising to find Rushing has a seriously stupid little dirty tricks game in his own past. How did you guess it involves the family-values Bible humper getting caught up in a sex affair? He even admitted that much in a sworn deposition, so ain't no "allegedlys" about it.
Who Among Us Hasn't Sold Hoohoo-Peener Pics Of Our Sister And Jeff Bezos To The National Enquirer For $250K?
With friends like these ...
If Jeff Bezos's wandering dick winds up taking out Trump, it will be the surprise ending we all deserve. We elected a tabloid president who likes to play footsie with murderous Saudi dictators. Trump's pals at the National Enquirer also like to rub up against the Saudis and their giant money bags. Enquirer publisher David Pecker seems to have bollixed his attempt to neutralize America's richest man, possibly in an attempt to suck up to Saudi prince Mohammed bin Salman and Donald Trump. And now Jeff Bezos is reportedly threatening to bring the whole sordid edifice crumbling down with a "90-page investigative report that will make the case that the Enquirer published the Bezos exposé to curry favor with Saudi investors." U-S-A! U-S-A!
Vanity Fair's Gabe Sherman has been talking to Lauren Sanchez's brother Michael since the story broke in January. When last we left the Trash Twins, Michael Sanchez had been confirmed as AMI's source for both the texts and the photos of his sister and her boyfriend Jeff Bezos. Although he was originally coy as to who might have leaked the texts, Sanchez had previously insisted to Sherman that he didn't send pictures of his sister's crotch to the National Enquirer.
"I'm not saying I didn't do something. [...] Until I go under oath, what I can tell you now is that ever since April 20, when I met Jeff, my only goal has been to protect Jeff and Lauren."
Jail is where he belongs.
If it can be said that "all good things must come to an end", then surely, so too can it be said that, "all bad things will eventually go fuck themselves." Or something. Things end all the time; there are deaths, cancellations, even shunnings; there are breakups, separations, divorces, and often people simply just choose to leave. But sometimes that choice is taken from people, sometimes that choice isn't even offered, because sometimes the Chicago Police Department arrests your ass on multiple sexual assault charges because Avenatti's busy ass got ahold of the sex tape you made with an underage girl victim. Because these days, the things you do on the "Down Low" get put on Front Street, then all of a sudden... life comes at you fast.
If you recall, Kelly recently threatened to sue Lifetime for producing the documentary Surviving R. Kelly, and unfortunately for him, his reaction to the film is likely what spurred the investigation into his sex cult, and led to his subsequent arrest. The self-ownage in this caper delivers a sweetly intoxicating and purely delightful schadenfreude, I must warn you now... When you watch the video of him being arrested, if you look at his face, you'll be absolutely fucking giddy from the sad clown look on his mug.
Seriously, boys, think with the big head!
What the hell is the richest man in the world doing with this pack of Jerry Springer rejects? We're just a simple East Coast elitist, but we cannot fathom why a guy who can buy a Renoir with his lunch money would get mixed up with the Trash Twins in this tabloid shit. But we do appreciate the break from President Sundowner and the downfall of democracy, so double glove it, kids -- WE'RE GOIN' IN!
Since Jeff Bezos dropped his Medium post accusing the National Enquirer of trying to sextort him, possibly at the behest of Saudi Arabia, the Amazon CEO has been largely silent. His girlfriend Lauren Sanchez has also had the sense to keep her mouth shut. But her brother, Trump-loving "talent" agent Michael Sanchez -- call now to book such luminaries as Carter Page and Scottie Nell Hughes! -- will not shut the fuck up.
According to Sanchez, Bezos has two trusted advisers: international security expert Gavin de Becker and ... Michael Sanchez, talent agent to the dopes! Because OBVIOUSLY. While de Becker counseled his client to use discretion to protect himself, Sanchez advocated playing ball with The Enquirer.
"Lauren calls it a cockfight," Sanchez told Vanity Fair's Gabe Sherman:
Over the last year, he said, he served as an unofficial adviser to the couple as they discussed what would happen if their love affair leaked. "They were talking marriage," he told me. "The three of us had discussed before that, at some point, this was going to be a scandal. My advice was, let's get to the other side. Our analogy was always that they were landing a 747. I told them, 'You're both pilots and you've never landed a 747, but that's what we're trying to do here.'"
Jeff Bezos is ... Ted Striker? And Lauren Sanchez is ... Elaine? OH NO, THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO BLOW ROC!
Airplane 2 - She's gonna have to blow the computer. Guess what: the computer likes it! www.youtube.com
Their parents must be so proud!
If you had Jeff Bezos's dick as the First Amendment hero of 2019, then order us a double of whatever you're having, because we did not see this one coming at all. Okay, here's where we stand as of Monday morning -- one of two batshit crazy things must be true:
- Either Jeff Bezos's girlfriend Lauren Sanchez conspired with her brother Michael to leak her own half naked selfies to the National Enquirer; or
- Michael Sanchez is the worst person in America not currently serving in the White House.
Last night, The Daily Beast confirmed that Michael Sanchez was, in fact, the source of texts and emails between his sister and Bezos leaked to The National Enquirer. You know, in case there was anyone left who hadn't worked that one out after the Enquirer's lawyer Elkan Abramowitz went on ABC's "This Week" and told George Stephanopoulos:
ABRAMOWITZ: What happened was the story was given to The National Enquirer by a reliable source who had been giving information for years prior to the story. It was a source that was well known to both Mr. Bezos and Miss Sanchez.
STEPHANOPOULOS: Was it Michael Sanchez?
ABRAMOWITZ: I can't discuss who the source was. Just -- it's confidential within AMI, so I'm not going to answer who the source was. It was somebody close to both Bezos and Miss Sanchez.
©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc