Sexual Politics: How Not To Be A Male Stripper

There is a movie out, people say it is very good, it has Channing Tatum in it and whatnot, maybe we will see it, that's cool. That is not really "political," we guess, but there is nothing on the entire Internet today, like, "jobs report" REALLY? Romney being pro-vacation? Blah blah blah boring thing? Well, sexual politics it is! And male strippers, because why not.

Here is a thing about male strippers, a secret that people do not want you to know: male strippers are super gross. Nobody likes it when they waggle their weenises in people's faces. Nobody likes it when they stick their sweaty sweaty butts on a girl's boobs. A girl's boob set does not have pleasure receptors for having a butt on it. Your editrix was at a party recently, and there was a male stripper, and it was horrifying. A) he wasn't attractive, with the Roid Acne and the sweaty crack and the weak chin, but that shouldn't even be the point, poor guy. B) He would sit the ladies down in a chair and then bounce on them like he was doing calisthenics, and ladies are not made that way. There were a couple of old gay fellows at the party. "You're gay!" said we. "Do you like that?"

The old gay fellows did not like it either.

So here, for all the male strippers in the world, is how you should be a male stripper.

1. Don't put your butt in people's faces.

2. Stop jackrabbiting your pee-pee about.

3. Here's an idea! Instead of sitting the girl in a chair, make her stand up, and then sort of sway at her and smell her neck a bunch, real slow-like.

4. You could even put her hand on your pectorals!

5. Probably leave most of your clothes on.

And also try to be more attractive.

Do those five things, male strippers, and girls will stop hiding behind other girls and loudly saying "EW" when you are doing your special horny dance with the fringey stuffed pecker-sock and making it bounce bounce bounce next to a girl's mouth. BECAUSE GIRLS DON'T LOVE PAYING MONEY TO BE RAPED IN THEIR MOUTHS.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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