Shaq's Slam Dunk Twitter, And The Metamorphosis Of The Very Hungry Clinton
Harlem GlobegringoWILLIAM JEFFERSON CLINTONstopped by Z Burger in Tenleytown to pick up a light snack. And what did he order? "A double burger, onion rings, french fries, an apple pie milkshake," a piece of chocolate cake, ice cream, a pickle, Swiss cheese, some salami, a lollipop, a slice of cherry pie, a sausage, a cupcake, a watermelon and a gigantic green leaf. Then he spun himself aGREASY, DEEP-FRIED COCOONand hours later, voilà!BILL THE BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY...
Guess who was in town Monday night, and guess who didn't care, in the slightest? Yes, critically acclaimed '90s genieKAZAAMmade an unannounced visit to the White House, in hopes that he could grantPRESIDENT OBAMAthree wishes, and maybe play a quick game of knockout or PIG? Denied! Poor dejected Shaq confided in his Twitter, "The white house wouldn't let me in, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy." OhMEGHAN? Woo-hoo! We know someone you should meet ...KAZAAM! ...
Old frumpy floppy diskBILL GATEShas too many friends, on the internet, so he had to deactivate his Facebook account, before it exploded. As is often the case, Bill couldn't pick out his real friends from the 10,000 "friend" requests he had. Bill has left Facebook?NO!Say goodbye to the photos of iPersonSTEVE JOBSdrawing dicks all over a blacked-out Bill, with an iSharpie ...
Thirsty Thursdays! Tomorrow, remorseless cop killerBARACK OBAMAwill drink beer, play Xbox and "chill" with Cambridge buttinskyJAMES CROWLEYand professor-homeownerHENRY LOUIS GATES. But what kind of brews should they "bro out" with? Gates enjoys Natural Ice but Crowley is more of aMILWAUKEE'S BESTkind of guy. Of course, Barack Obama only drinks Corona -- or any Mexican beer, Negra Sotomayordelo is fine -- with a dollop of Dijon mustard. Diplomatic beer crisis! Luckily Georgian peace doveJIMMY CARTERhas brokered a deal that satisfies all parties.BUSCHwill be served! Slow down, Jimmy. Save some Nobel Peace Prizes for the rest of us.
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