Shed Brain Cells From The Comfort Of Your Own Hotel Room With The Marjorie Taylor Greene Covid-19 Workout!

Hot Mess

Incoming House Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene has gone to Washington and is already hard at work on her glutes. Saturday, the QAnon conspiracy supporter and “Who is crazy?" Final Jeopardy! answer shared a video of herself working out like your recently divorced friend on Instagram.

A quick reality PSA: There's currently a global pandemic that makes sweating and breathing heavily in a confined space less than ideal. Gyms were shut down as a public health measure, not because liberals want everyone soft and unable to run from Cory Booker's vegan socialist army.

Here's how full of shit Marjorie Taylor Greene is: She claims that “in DC, NOTHING is open because of Democrat tyrannical control." That's not true. There are multiple gyms open in DC right now, though I still wouldn't advise going unless you want to look extra ripped at the open casket funeral your loved ones can't attend.

There's even a CrossFit a mile and a half from the Capitol. Greene just has to make an appointment, so decent people will know to stay away. You can tell from the horrid carpeting that Greene is in a hotel, which is a business that's obviously open. She could use her own hotel gym from 5 am to 11 pm.

Instead, Greene chose to demonstrate a perfectly safe alternative to working out publicly. She's gone full Jane Fonda. (I watched the fuck out of her videos as a kid.)

Greene's workout music of choice is Lil Wayne, which is on brand because he's a Trump supporter. It probably pleases him to know he's contributed to the firm calf muscles of a woman who compared Black Lives Matter to Neo-Nazis and the Ku Klux Klan. Greene also think gangs "control" young Black and Hispanic men and tell them not to go to school or move out of the projects, where all the young Black and Hispanic men live.

Green is performing to a packed crowd of cuckoolanders. She's demonstrated zero interest so far in actually helping anyone from her district. She just wants to cater to their bigotry and cultural resentment. People like Greene insist that tyrannical Democrats, not COVID-19, are why Americans can't see their relatives at Thanksgiving. If that were true, they should at least thank us.

Some argue that we should ignore Greene as simply a professional line stepper. However, some conservative Democrats really believe that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's mere existence cost them races in Republican-leaning districts. So, logically, making Greene a household name should equally damage Republicans in swing districts ... unless that's all bullshit excuses from losers.

However, the Republican electoral strategy doesn't involve going out of their way to avoid offending Democrats. Republican politics are entirely base centered. That seems to pay off for them. When the GOP finally acknowledged that Steve King was too racist for prime time, it still didn't cost them Iowa.

Greene is the know-nothing, conspiracy-obsessed future of the GOP. She is no less unhinged than the outgoing president, so let's not sleep on her or we'll end up with the first CrossFit Racist President.


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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).


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