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She's His Daughter! She's His Sister! She's A Complete Stranger Actually! The Mixed-Up Life Of Rep. Steven Cohen

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What is not to love about Tennessee Rep. Steve Cohen? He's a fun guy! He hits on Cyndi Lauper, because YOLO. He dances to rap! He will sweat through that shirt and give exactly zero fucks! Steve Cohen is fuckin' feelin' it, y'all!

And then there was that time he was caught publicly twittersmooching some fresh young babe, and he was like OH. Think I'm a dirty old poonhound? Well guess what, she is my SECRET DAUGHTER BOOM!

So. About that.

But amazingly enough, Rep. Cohen never had proof that Brink was his daughter.

"I knew her mother a long time ago," Cohen said. "I Googled her one night, and saw that she had given birth to a beautiful young lady, and I kind of went back to nine months before, and that was a time when we were involved."

Victoria's mom took no part in this story, but says she has a good relationship with Victoria. But there was never any hard proof - like a DNA test – that Cohen was her father until now.

CNN obtained DNA from Victoria, and John Brink - the man who raised her - and from Rep. Cohen, who didn't want to appear on camera for this story.

The results showed that Cohen was not Victoria Brink's father - and that John Brink was.

So Victoria Brink never actually came to Cohen and was like, Luke you are my father? Instead he just started (PROBABLY DRUNKENLY, BECAUSE FACEBOOK) looking up old flames one night and DECIDED one of them had birthed his baby?

And the daughter was like I GUESS YOU ARE RIGHT?

And then CNN "obtained" DNA from Victoria and the man who had raised her as his child, because of how she was his child? Did they follow them to Starbucks and scoop their cups out of the trash, Law & Order styley? We are going to go with "sure why not."

Also after that Cohen perved on a reporter asking him about it.

He is basically like all those conservatives think Old Handsome Joe Biden is. What is not to love?

[CNN]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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