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KISSES GOODBYE


Sure, Anthony Scaramucci's a fuckwit, but we thought he was our kind of fuckwit. You know, the kind that gets loaded and says, "I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock!" He's that asshole you go to lunch with once a year to remind yourself to be grateful for your own wonderful husband. Just never let him pick up the tab, though, or he'll start thinking it's a date! You know, a run-of-the-mill jerk. After he spilled the beans to Ryan Lizza at The New Yorker and got fired from his sweet White House gig, we thought, "Well, maybe that guy will land on his feet. He can be like a Mo Rocca of the right."

NOPENOPENOPE!!!!

Did you just give a reacharound to every rightwing Holocaust-denying loon? How fucking desperate are you for retweets, Ant'nee?

Now don't get your yarmulke in a bunch, Wonkers, because Mooch's social media manager Lance Laifer has a perfectly logical explanation. This isn't a dogwhistle to the Nazi nutjobs! How could you think such a thing! It's a history lesson. Because The Mooch is service-y like that.

You see, he saw this Anne Frank costume online:

And he felt some feelings.

If he was being honest, he was actually Other (write-in) with no emojis at all!

So he hatched a plan to raise awareness by putting historical facts up for a vote. AS ONE DOES. Lance was definitely going to drop some knowledge on that 21% who said less than 1 million Jews were killed during the Holocaust. He had the link for Deborah Lipstadt's TED talk on Holocaust denial on speed dial, yo! But then the SJWs got all PC on him, and he had to take it down. Suck it, snowflakes!

Maybe tomorrow you'll get over your PMS and appreciate the awesome quizzes Lance has prepared for you.

ALLEGEDLY on that last one. We do not know if Anthony Scaramucci was on a bender.  Also he is not going to fire that guy Lance Laifer, because oh hey look, Scaramucci, a MEDIA PROFESSIONAL, has finally responded after six hours. He's going with the Holocaust education promotion angle too:

He saw that Anne Frank costume and got all verklempt. Some of his BEST FRIENDS are Hebrew Americans! So, we're cool now, right?

Congratulations, Lance! Looks like you get to keep your very good "job" after all!

[@ScaramucciPost, until they delete their account]

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

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[Washington Post]

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