baby has a upset

This is supposed to be a post about how Kellyanne Conway and Steve Bannon are riding in on white horses to defend the honor of the raving dumpster fire in the White House, which has recently had its feelings hurt and its brain function called into question by Bob Corker, the GOP senator from Tennessee and the chair of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. But why should we write about that when President Doy Doy Doy Doy Doy! is perfectly capable of defending himself?

YOU SEE WHAT HE DID THERE? (Besides how he's baby-tweeting about Corker and hasn't said word fucking one about how there are Americans dying in the California wildfires?) You might be thinking Trump woke up on the illiterate side of the bed this morning (much like the other mornings) but NO, YOU'RE WRONG! Trump did a clever made-up spelling of "little" and he put an apostrophe at the end for no reason! How creative! Bob Corker will surely think twice next time he thinks about exchanging zingers with the master!

Anyway, since we mentioned them, Kellyanne Conway and Steve Bannon are out there being mewling, authoritarian fuckheads about Corker's comments, which included a tweet about how the White House is obviously an adult daycare with one client named Trump, followed up by a New York Times interview where he called Trump a liar, said every day in the White House is an exercise in making sure the baby is fed and has his rattle so he doesn't accidentally nuke the moon, and that he's worried Trump is actually going to fumblefuck us into World War III. (As to Trump's suggestion that Corker "was made to sound a fool" because he didn't know the interview was being recorded, LOLOLOLOLOL OK Trump, whatever you think your 80 IQ followers need to hear.)

Here's Conway on "Fox & Friends," authoritarian-splaining the things, via the Washington Post:

Host Brian Kilmeade teed it up nicely, saying, “What a demeaning tweet at the president.”

“Well it is, and world leaders see that,” Conway responded. “We’ve all worked with Senator Corker over the years. We thank him for his service, but I find tweets like this to be incredibly irresponsible.”

She added: “It adds to the insulting that the mainstream media and the president’s detractors — almost a year after this election, they still can’t accept the election results. It adds to their ability and their cover to speak about a president of the United States, the president of the United States, in ways that no president should be talked about.”

Oh for heaven's sake, Conway, get a grip. People talk about him in ways no president has ever been talked about because he BEHAVES like no other president has ever behaved, by which we mean he takes a golden diarrhea shit on the sanctity of the office of the president of the United States each and every day he continues to occupy it. In other words, he started it. In other words, America is a counterpuncher, and when Trump punches America, America punches back. In other words, fuck you.

Conway, of course, thinks the media should be required to say nice things about Trump, and that when the media reports unkind things about him, that it's "unpatriotic." Kellyanne Conway doesn't "America" very good, does she?

Now, Kellyanne Conway is a dick, but Steve Bannon, that guy who got fired from the White House and thinks he got a promotion because he's a blogger now, is having a CONNIPTION. He was firing gin from all his pores when he went on the "Sean Hannity Trump Buttplug Hour," where they may or may not play with Trump-shaped buttplugs (dunno, we don't watch that shit), DEMANDING that Bob Corker RESIGN RIGHT NOW for the crime of NOT BEING NICE TO TRUMP, because Steve Bannon is a leaking anal fissure who doesn't know or care that the Senate is part of a separate, coequal branch of government.

You need to watch Bannon's face when he says all this, because it's funny when that little pussy is angry:

"If Bob Corker had any honor or decency, he should resign immediately," Bannon told host Sean Hannity on Fox News' "Hannity" on Monday night. [...]

Corker, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) and the rest of the "globalist clique on Capitol Hill has to go," Bannon told Hannity.

Oh go suck a bag of dicks, Bannon, and when you're done with that, you're probably invited to suck Bob Corker's dick too, assuming the polite senator would deign to let some dirty, gin-soaked blogger affix his chapped lips to his Down Theres. (Doubtful.)

Bannon also says he's going to help primary EVERY REPUBLICAN SENATOR, except for Ted Cruz for some reason (Rebekah Mercer still has feelings for him). Maybe he's worried Ted Cruz's dad will assassinate him or something if he does, haw haw, that joke will never not be funny.

So who wins the contest for doing sick burns to Bob Corker? Meh, fuck 'em all.

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[Washington Post / The Hill]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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