Silly Oklahoma Christian, You Are Supposed To Burn The Witch, Not Behead Him
OMG there's been another religiously motivated beheading (fine, near-beheading) in Oklahoma!
In Stillwater on Wednesday, 21-year-old Isaiah Zoar Marin had been watching a whole bunch of YouTube videos about Christianity, when apparently, the Spirit of the Lord drove him to take literally the infallible word of God in Exodus 22:18: "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live."
According to an affidavit by Isaiah's brother, Samuel Marin, Isaiah did what any Bible-believing Christian would do: He picked up "a large black sword" that was in the apartment (really, what tastefully decorated student apartment doesn't have one of those?), started swinging it around, and then stabbed his 19-year-old acquaintance, Jacob Andrew Crockett, in the chest because he suspected that Crockett was a practitioner of witchcraft. As one does. Police said that Crockett's body had nearly been decapitated.
Following the alleged murder, Samuel ran from the apartment -- an understandable instinct after allegedly watching his brother stab someone to death -- but Isaiah followed him and tried to reassure him that he “would explain why he killed Jacob from letters he would write while he was in prison.” According to Samuel, Isaiah and that Crockett boy had a history of disagreements about Crockett's sinful behavior and that Jacob and his brother “were practicing witchcraft and Isaiah had strong Christian beliefs.”
Jesse Crockett, the victim's brother, told police Isaiah was "a “heavy drug user” and “religious zealot,” but that's just the sort of thing a witchcraft-doer would say to smear a good Christian, isn't it? It remains unclear what specific things the Crockett brothers did that set off Isaiah's witch-finding senses. Considering this is Oklahoma, it could have been anything from having expressed a fondness for the Harry Potter franchise to serious demon-summoning such as that practiced while playing Dungeons and Dragons.
Isaiah Marin was arrested about a mile away, carrying "a large knife" and covered in blood; a police spokesman said that Marin had been fantasizing about killing "four or five people," but only managed to eliminate the one witch.
Now, don't worry, this beheading is utterly unlike the other recent beheading in Oklahoma, where a guy was fired from his job and then killed one woman and tried to kill another. That killer, Alton Nolen, was a Muslim, so it's absolutely clear that his violent rage was the result of Islam and its culture of violence. Isaiah Marin, on the other hand, is merely an unbalanced person whose violent actions went completely against the peaceful religion to which he swore allegiance, so there's no comparison, really. It would be wrong to say that Christianity led him to do murder, just as it wopuld be wrong to say that Islam and all Muslims aren't responsible for Nolen's actions. Besides, ISIS, right? We must note that, horrific as this crime was, it is nothing compared to the murderous behavior of ISIS in Iraq and Syria. Perspective, people.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.