Snake Oil & General Woo

Bam! Rush Limbaugh Totally Cured Of Stage 4 Lung Cancer By Trump-Loving Preacher!

Well this is definitely true.

Rush Limbaugh, as you probably know, has terminal cancer. I don't think it's right to say it's some kind of karma for him being a horrible person, as that would be a pretty big insult to all of the non-horrible people out there who have died of cancer and are nowhere near as evil as Rush Limbaugh, but I sure as hell will not miss him when he's gone.

But according to Christian Prophet/Kamala Harris Sex Dream Haver Lance Wallnau, the reason Rush is dying is not just because, you know, cancer, but because he was cursed by witches. Probably the same witches who did a spell on the entire country to make us all think racism and sexual assault are real problems we should care about. (Clearly not a very effective spell considering the large percentage of people it didn't work on.)

Also because the prayers of the 20 million people praying for Limbaugh have just been straight up weaksauce. They are all bad at praying, Wallnau says. Because if they were good at praying, like he is, Rush would be totally cured of cancer by now.

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Snake Oil & General Woo

James Randi Outed Some Truly Heinous Frauds, And For That We Should All Be Grateful

The Amazing Randi died this week at the age of 92.

Magician and professional skeptic James "The Amazing Randi" Randi died this week at the age of 92 — without ever having given away a million

Although the One Million Dollar Paranormal Challenge ended in 2015, Randi had promised for years to give a million dollars to anyone who could offer any actual proof at all of the kind of supernatural phenomena he was known for debunking — psychic powers, telekineses, spoon bending, faith healing, ghosts, dowsing, remote viewing etc. — under rigorous scientific conditions. Despite thousands of applicants, no one ever passed. And many, like "psychic" Sylvia Browne, a cold ass bitch known for telling the families of missing children that their kids were dead when they would later turn out not to be, refused to be tested.

Browne was emblematic of the people Randi set out to debunk. Unlike some other professional atheists and skeptics we could name, his thing wasn't making people feel or look stupid so much as it was taking down those who took advantage of others and tried to swindle them in one way or another.

"People who are stealing money from the public, cheating them and misinforming them — that's the kind of thing that I've been fighting all my life," he said in "An Honest Liar" — a 2014 film documenting Randi's experience in coming out publicly as gay so late in life.

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Snake Oil & General Woo

GOP Rep Accuses Wife Of Witchcraft

Rep Clay Higgins' wife had a premonition about jack booted thugs coming for them and stealing their food!

For the past few years, many on the Right have been fantasizing about Donald Trump enacting martial law and arresting all of the Democrats for sacrificing children to Satan and then drinking their blood or whatever. It's been scheduled to happen on multiple occasions, and each time, the prophesies have failed. Mostly because it's like super hard to just will these kinds of things into existence.

But now, with the possibility of a Biden presidency looming on the horizon, Conservatives have once again started fretting about the jack booted thugs who are going to come to their house and take their freedoms, just like they never did during the Obama administration.

This time, however, it's kind of serious, because of how Rep. Clay Higgins' wife has psychic powers. Higgins, you may recall, is the former of the Captain St. Landry Parish Sheriff's Office in Opelousas, Louisiana, where he made a series of extremely batshit "Crimestopper" videos. These bizarre videos catapulted him to a seat in Congress, where the Second Amendment lover threatened to murder a bunch of black militia members because he believes in people having guns but, you know, not like that. Not when they're not white people. He also once, uh, recorded a very awkward video inside a reconstructed gas chamber at Auschwitz.

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coronavirus

Trump Actually Just Having (Possibly Fake) 4D Chess Coronavirus, Supporters Say

It's all a ruse to accomplish ... something.

Late last night, it was announced that both Donald and Melania Trump tested positive for COVID-19. That is a fact. It is also a fact that he has been traveling around, holding large, crowded rallies at which no one was wearing a mask and mocking Joe Biden for not doing the same. It is also a fact that at the debate on Tuesday night, his family sat in the audience not wearing masks. It is also a fact that he has been insisting for some time now that the coronavirus is not as dangerous as scientists say it is and that everything should just open up and go back to normal again. That we don't need mail-in ballots because everything is totally fine and safe. He has said that coronavirus can be almost immediately cured by taking hydroxychloroquine and zinc. He said nothing to correct his son Eric, who claimed that the whole pandemic was a hoax that would magically disappear after the 2020 election.

His supporters have believed him. Even when Herman Cain died, they believed him. Probably even when their own relatives died, they believed him.

As you can imagine, Trump testing positive has created something of a conundrum, especially for his more conspiracy-minded supporters — many of whom actually believe that the whole thing is a hoax that the Left created in order to force them to participate in a satanic ritual by wearing masks. What satanic ritual? We don't actually know. But apparently it is super important to all of us.

Because I care, I thought I would check in on his people, to see how they are handling this. Surprisingly well, as it turns out! Because they believe, for one, that he is an incredibly healthy person, and healthy people, they believe, don't die from COVID-19. They also believe that, if he does have it, he will be able to swiftly cure it with hydroxychloroquine and will be better in a day.

Some of them, however, believe that he doesn't actually have it and that he is faking it as part of the 4D chess that he plays, for a variety of reasons.

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