Conspiracy Theories

Wonkette At The 'Movies': The Wonderful World Of Satanic Panic Propaganda

Also this is your open thread!

As much as we all laugh about all of the QAnon people and their nonsense now, there was a time when belief in murderous Satanic Cults doing all kinds of bizarre and abusive things to people (especially children) was relatively mainstream. In the 1980s and ‘90s, as you probably all know, the Satanic Panic swept America and people were very inclined to believe some very impossible things.

While the FBI came out with a report in 1992 explaining that Satanic Ritual Abuse was definitely not a real thing and that there were not, in fact, legions of underground Satanic cults eating babies and programming women to be sex slaves, it did take a while for it to fully sink in.

In the meantime, there was a whole bunch of super strange Satanic Panic propaganda — much of which is now available for your viewing pleasure on YouTube.

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Snake Oil & General Woo

Don't Go Taking STI Curing Advice From Jim Bakker!

It will turn you blue!

Here at Wonkette, we are never afraid to be servicey. As you may recall, I am one of those weirdos who does like an 87 step Korean skincare routine involving a whole lot of snail mucin, and so I do consider it part of my sacred duty to inform people when a thing is really bad for their skin!

And one of those things is ingesting colloidal silver.

Televangelist Jim Bakker is going around telling people that instead of going to the doctor and getting some antibiotics, they should be curing their sexually transmitted infections with his "Silver Solution," claiming that it "kills every venereal disease there is." Why all of these very holy and righteous people who watch Jim Bakker would have any STIs, we cannot even begin to guess. Aren't they all supposed to be married or abstinent? Could it be that they have the same amount of non-marital sex as everyone else, but just didn't get any sex-ed in school?

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Snake Oil & General Woo

Why Are All These People On Fiverr Selling Spells To Make People Millionaires?

Just think about it for a second.

On Monday, the Daily Mail ran an article about the appearance of several accounts on Fiverr offering to prevent or cure people of Coronavirus, with magic spells and what have you. While those offers have since been taken down from the site, the fact that they even existed in the first place should be concerning. As should the fact that QAnoners are encouraging people to drink bleach to cure it.

When I went over to Fiverr to check out the now-deleted coronavirus spells, I discovered that the site actually has an entire section devoted to "Spirituality and Healing" on which people are still making some pretty bizarre claims and asking people to pay them (sometimes a lot more than $5) to use their magic powers to do all sorts of things.

Here's one offering telepathy services!

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Local News

Former IA Gov Tom Vilsack Wins $150,000 Powerball Prize. That's It. That's The Headline.

Reading this post doesn't actually improve your chances to win the lottery.

Last week was a complete disaster for the Democratic Party specifically and the state of Iowa in general. However, one Iowa Democrat did come out the other side in good shape. Iowa lottery officials announced Monday that Tom Vilsack claimed a $150,000 Powerball prize at the lottery headquarters in Clive, Iowa. Vilsack was mayor of Mount Pleasant, Iowa, and later served in the Iowa Senate. He was governor of Iowa for eight years before serving as Secretary of Agriculture for the entirety of Barack Obama's presidency. That's all very nice, but it's nothing compared to scoring 150,000 big ones in the lottery.

When accepting his winnings, Vilsack made sure to talk up all the positives of legalized gambling.

VILSACK: Occasionally when the Powerball gets above $250 million, I think, "What the heck?" You know, you can dream, like everybody else. And I also know that the chances of me winning anything are next to none and so the money is going to go to education or veterans or the state fund for natural resources or infrastructure, or all the good things that the lottery does. So, I figure it's a good contribution.
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Conspiracy Theories

Four-Year-Old Child Dead After Mom Takes Flu-Curing Tips From Anti-Vaxx Facebook Group

'The doc prescribed tamiflu I did not pick it up.'

Four-year-old Najee Jackson Jr. of Colorado died this week from the flu. A child's death is tragic under any circumstances, but in this case it is especially heartbreaking because it probably could have been prevented had the child's mother not been taking bad advice from "Stop Mandatory Vaccination," a 139,000-member Facebook group known for spreading misinformation about health care.

Before Jackson Jr. was even formally diagnosed, the whole family had been showing symptoms — for which their doctor prescribed Tamiflu, an antiviral commonly prescribed to flu patients. His mother, Geneva Montoya, told the anti-vaxx group about this, noting, "my 4year old had a febrile seizure at only temp of 102. The doc prescribed tamaflu I did not pick it up" Previous posts in the group by Montoya also showed that as far back as 2017, she had been refusing to give her family the flu shot.

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Mormon Doomsday Novelist Claims Ghost Of Dead Wife Hooked Him Up With Mom Of Missing Kids

This just keeps getting weirder.

Lori Vallow — aka the Mormon Doomsday Cult Mom — was ordered to show up to court in Idaho on Thursday with her children, Tylee Ryan and J.J. Vallow, who haven't been seen since this fall. Shockingly enough, she did not make it. It is not known whether she returned to Idaho or if she has remained in Hawaii where she has been living with her new husband, Mormon doomsday novelist Chad Daybell, since November.

It's... a lot of a lot.

There's also a new development, of sorts, in the case, and somehow it is no less bizarre than everything else going on with these people.

Kauai landlord Jeani Martin says that on November 7, the couple showed up unannounced at her house about renting her master bedroom, claiming that God had led them there. You know, because God is a big HGTV fan and has very strong opinions on real estate. Does not miss an episode of "Property Brothers," that guy.

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Dead Psychic Still Scamming Grieving Relatives FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE

Both spooky and shady!

When psychic medium Sylvia Browne died in 2013, there were still multiple upcoming tour dates listed on her website. While I would certainly never cheer anyone's death, because that's gross (even if she was an awful human being who told the parents of Amanda Berry and Shawn Hornbeck that their children were dead when they weren't), it was a fairly satisfying moment.

Earlier this month, Derek Acorah, another psychic known for telling parents of missing children that those children are dead (and also for doing a Michael Jackson seánce on live TV), died from complications of pneumonia. You may know him from such shows as "Most Haunted" and that one episode of “Doctor Who" where they thought everyone had come back from the dead as "ghosts" but actually they were Cybermen from a parallel universe.

But like the spirits he's claimed to be able to speak to, lo these many years, death is not keeping Derek Acorah down. In fact, up until this weekend, his website was still offering text message "readings" from Derek for £3 ($3.90) for those who wished to receive his help to contact their deceased loved ones. Each follow-up message cost £1.

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