So Long, Suckers
You see what a week at Wonkette has done to me??? A week at Wonkette and 47 hamburgers???
Well, it's been a fun week, but my fingers hurt, my eyes are bleary, and I can't get "macaca" off my mind, no matter how hard I try. So, with no more photos to crop, papers to read, or Marines to mock, I'm throwing caution to the wind and cutting out early. Hey, just like I used to do at my last job!
Thanks to Alex for getting my back this week when I was asleep, drunk, or taking a two-hour lunch break (also just like my last job!), thanks to Messrs. Denton and Steele at Gawker Media, thanks to our intrepid tipsters, and a special thanks to The Man Who Won't Be President for making it easy for me this week. Without your golden tongue, sir, I would have had to write about real news, and nobody would have wanted to read that. Right?
I wish I had a personal blog to point you towards, but I don't, because blogging's for nerds. If you must, you can check me out at Polite Magazine (which will be published sometime before my death), or buy my DVD at the Harmony Joyride store. It's cheap and funny and features a shitload of fake moustaches. I might be back if they stay desperate over here. God, I hope not. Until then, I'll be spending my days in drunken incoherence. Hey, just like this guy: