MURDERRRRRRR.


[contextly_sidebar id="ccFLXsLB4YbpPJjj5j7ccq2Z5JZTWaCh"]Y'all, we were getting worried. Antonin Scalia's pillow murdered him to death on Saturday, and conspiracy theories have been raging ever since about how Barack Obama probably was the master of that pillow, killing Scalia in his sleep to open up a vacancy for Jeremiah Wright and Saul Alinsky and his real dad the Muslim Devil to sit on the court. THE USUAL STUFF.

But nobody had blamed Hillary Clinton. Until now. Write a whole bunch of stupid, Morgan Mayhew of Liberty News Now:

[H]ow in the world could the death of a Supreme Court justice on a remote ranch in Texas be linked to Hillary?

Well . . . because of her own words and campaign desperation.

Just weeks ago, on January 26th, an enthusiastic supporter in Ohio publicly asked Hillary if she would be willing to name Barack Obama to the Supreme Court.

Her response?

Hillary responded with, “What a great idea . . . he is brilliant and he can set forth an argument and he was a law professor. He has got all of the credentials.”

[contextly_sidebar id="2PCEAJ0NYrRhOjiScAhtmc46uuGsESFm"]Pffffft, Mr. Mayhew has obviously forgotten that Barack Obama is probably going to declare martial law and install himself as dictator for life, so he won't have time to be on the Supreme Court. Oh, just fooling, he's not going to do that. (OR IS HE?)

Mayhew continues:

[L]ike all evil plans, someone has to die to get the ball rolling.

Enter Antonin Scalia.

The vacationing justice was relaxing in an area so remote; his death certificate was signed over the phone.

Scalia’s own protection unit, the ever-present U.S. Marshalls, were hours away only to find him dead with a pillow over his head.

To add even more speculation as to Justice Scalia’s death, no autopsy will be performed. [...]

[I]n the world of the Clintons they somehow have managed to get away with murder and more for decades.

Murder you say? Yes . . . Benghazi . . . Waco.

Hillary did WACO? Holy fuck! Mayhew lists a whole bunch of scandals the Clintons have been accused of, like Whitewater and "Lewinski" [sic], and then delivers the smoking gun of why his jizz-sharting, paste-eating conspiracy theory is the super-smart bestest jizz-sharting paste-eating conspiracy theory of all:

While it is admittedly a massive stretch to believe that Hillary Clinton had Antonin Scalia snuffed out to benefit her presidential endeavors, real life events sound even more absurd.

[contextly_sidebar id="wECoMKE7UJxirRoMAlZVOolc6O1zmD9x"]Whew! All is well with the world. We mean, for real, Hillary Clinton might be our next president. This is the woman who, according to insane wingnuts, murdered Vince Foster and made it look like a suicide; is at least half responsible for the Clinton Body Count; and who did FOUR DEAD AMERICANS in Benghazi by sending emails to Huma Abedin about where they're brunching this Sunday after their usual bout of making lesbian while watching "Meet The Press." How in the HELL did it take this long for somebody to accuse Hillary Clinton of murdering Scalia?

Maybe they're so focused on their Obama conspiracy theory -- plus being mad at him for deciding to skip the funeral, probably out of guilt -- they can't even remember to wildly speculate about whether maybe Hillz did it. But this guy has finally answered the call. We're glad somebody still has enough faith in Hillary to suggest she’s got the stomach for SO MUCH MURDER.

For the record, Scalia's son Eugene would like all these dumb cockgobbling conservative wingnuts to please STFU with their conspiracy theories about his dad's death, as he is currently grieving and says it is very "hurtful." And we are inclined to agree!

Unless Hillary is the real killer.

[Liberty News Now via JoeMyGod / The Hill]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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