Something About A Dick In The Eye, Who Even Knows!
Hi Wonkers, how are you, we are fine! No, really, we are fine. Despite being ad-free and ENTIRELY reader-funded, we made payroll this month for our little mommyblog/independent news site with a cherry on top and EVERYTHING, and didn't even have to scream and weep and gnash at you! Of course, every month we put up our moneybeg and DON'T wail that we are going to the poorhouse to die of diphtheria, you fuckers are like "WELL, GUESS YOU'RE NOT DYING OF DIPHTHERIA THEN, GONNA JUST GO SPEND MY WONK MONEYS ON NEW SHOES FOR THE CAT."
I mean, do what you want. It's your cat.
But here is the thing, and it is a lovely thing: In just two weeks (!!!!1!!!!1eleven!!!!) Robyn and Stephen will be joining us full-time, and I am so excited I can barely stand it. We'll be able to pay them a proper living wage instead of an okay freelance one, and excellent healthcare, and we will have so many posts covering so much news, and we'll even be able to break off and do longterm projects and ... I don't know, one of these days we will do a podcast. I have never listened to one, because I don't have a "commute" or "do exercise," so NOT IT.
Last month, when I yelled at you that of course you should not go (further) broke trying to give Wonkette moneys, but SURELY that didn't apply to the MORE THAN NINETY-NINE PERCENT OF YOU who were NOT GIVING US MONEY, a whole bunch of you joined up. In DROVES I say! DROVES! So now there are only more than ninety-eight percent of our regular readers (and since Facebook put us on its pretty hate machine, there are no more casual readers -- you're ALL regulars!) who must have simply forgotten to join up!
So now it is Christmas. You have sent your check to the ACLU and St. Jude's, maybe a little RAICES, maybe a food pantry in your area. (OH, THAT'S JUST US?) You are feeling a little generous. You are thinking sure, you got a fiver a month for your Wonkette, because Wonkette does the living wages because of YOU, just like a liberal! You put your money where your mouth is, I'm just sure of it! YUH HUH, YOU DO TOO!
There I am, a cockeyed optimist!. OW! MY EYE!
Get it? Like Mark Halperin put his dick in it. :(
Where was I ... dick in the eye ... oh yes, CHARITY and BENEFICENCE and LOVE.
If you haven't yet joined your faithful co-terrible ones in supporting us, please, really, do! our poor one-point-five-percenters should not have to carry all our weight.
Three hundred to four hundred thousand of you will read the site this month. Twenty thousand of you will read this post. At least 16,000 of those will not (yet) be sustaining supporting give-Rebecca-money donors even though I am REALLY GOOD at redistributing it for you!
Please. In this season of giving, help me help you help me help ... someone. Including me! But also others. LIKE THIS EVIL BABY! Don't you want someone to love her out of her future life of crime?
This post will stay up forever.
Thank you. We love you. And godspeed.
What time is it? OPEN THREAD.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.