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TEARS


We apologize in advance for this post, because it is going to reduce you into a puddle of Oprah-crying on the floor of your office or your porn dungeon or wherever you read Wonket from. You see, there is a guy named "Joe Biggs" and he is a "reporter" for the Alex Jones Infowars Panty-Pooping Website, and he makes extra money by making HILARIOUS T-SHIRTS THAT WILL MAKE LIBERALS CRY, like the one above!

"Joe Biggs" is having a great day too, because a gay website said that shirt is the most homophobic shirt EVER:

Now, you are obviously stupid and liberal, so you don't understand the remarkably clever humor contained in this t-shirt. The "L" stands for "liberty," the "G" is for "guns," the "B" is for "beer," and the "T" is for "boobyknockers." This is a t-shirt that will be very upsetting for homosexuals, except perhaps for Rush Limbaugh's lesbian farmers, who are totally into liberty, guns, beer and breastesses, or so we have heard.

The website where you buy this t-shirt and many other t-shirts that are so upsetting we can't post them here is called Tactically Offensive, and it offers the following guarantees for its products:

"Our American-Made Products Proudly Attack Safe Spaces, Trigger Social Justice Warriors, Defend Manliness From Skinny Jeans, and Are Guaranteed to Piss Off EVERYONE You Meet."

"With Every Purchase, a Social Justice Warrior Cries"

Whatever you need to do to prop up your obviously failed masculinity, dude.

But maybe these shirts really are that powerful. Because we are a sadist and we like to see you cry, we will now go back on our word and show you some other shirts "Joe Biggs" is selling, if that is even his real name.

A mean Hillary shirt, a TOTALLY CLEVER play on words about guns having lives that matter, and a picture of what "Joe Biggs" probably imagines a vagina comin' at him might look like, were that to ever happen in his life.

Are you bawling and getting triggered in your skinny jean safe space? Yes, obviously. What's even more terrible is that all the shirts say "The Most Patriotic Way To Say Fuck You!" on the back.

Oh well, since you are so upset, the only way to cure this is obviously to buy one of Wonket's Hillary Clinton t-shirts, or another lovely item from Ye Olde Wonkette Apparel And Knicke-Knacke Shoppe, to wipe away your pathetic sadness.

[Towleroad / Tactically Offensive]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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