SOTU Drinking Game: You've Already Lost
I've been neglecting our mandate: drinking rules for the State of the Union tonight. (Incidentally, Wonkette herself will be live-blogging the SOTU tonight. You know, for those of you who don't have TV, radio, or high-speed internet. Oh and also she'll be nude. I think. Or maybe she said lewd, I wasn't really listening.)
As always, if you haven't started drinking already, you're never gonna win. Also, please join us in drinking the Purple Finger, which is 1 part cassis, 1 part grenadine, and 1 part vodka. Freedom never tasted so sickly sweet—but you're warned, the hangover is a bitch.
·Every time "Iraqi vote" referenced: 1 tiny sip. (Pace yourself on that one, seriously.)
·"Mandate": touch yourself to gay porn magMandate.
·John McCain spits on floor: chug-a-lug!
·Mentions "WMD": smash bottle in face.
·Says "Plowing through": titter like a girl.
·Tricky one: "On Monday, we will reveal details..": 2 drinks.
·Annual fave, "status quo": 1 smack on the head.
·Whenever Cheney sneers like Mephistopholes: 1 drink.
·Social Security reverse psychology: Bush says "insecurity": 3 drinks down the wrong tube, resulting in choking among the uninsured.
·"Spreading freedom": slather on some freedom.
·Names "Barbara Boxer": fall off couch in shock.
·Mention of twins: hump couch.
·Every time Condi is pictured while clearly doing Kegels: 1 shot of chai tea.
·Bush unable to prevent himself from breaking into hysterical laughter: drain all nearest bottles.
·Hillary faints, again: 1 oyster shooter.
·Mentions "Iran": stop drinking and start fucking packing.—CS