South Carolina State Senator Has Had Enough Of This State University Turning Gals Into Lesbians
South Carolina's Legislature appears to be in the grip of a full-fledged Gay Panic, and not the good kind. First, there were budget cuts to punish two universities that had assigned LGBT-themed reading: $17,142 from the University of South Carolina Upstate, where the offender wasOut Loud: The Best of Rainbow Radio, a collection of stories from South Carolina's first gay radio show; and $52,000 from the College of Charleston, which assigned Allison Bechdel's Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic, a comic-book memoir by the author of Dykes to Watch Out For. Presumably, that'll learn colleges not to spend good money on dirty fag books no more.
And now, for the second act, state Sen. Mike Fair has complained about a planned performance of a one-woman comedy show titled “How To Be A Lesbian In 10 Days Or Less," explaining his opposition thusly:
“That's not an explanation of 'I was born this way.’ It's recruiting.”
In addition, saying that the instructions struck him as completely nonsensical, Sen. Fair demanded the immediate removal of To Kill a Mockingbird from school libraries.
If "state Sen. Mike Fair" sounds a bit familiar to you, that would be either because you are unfortunate enough to be represented by him (which would mean you also live near Bob Jones University, you poor thing), or it's because you read about the recent attempt by an adorable 9-year-old to convince the South Carolina Legislature to name the wooly mammoth the state's official fossil. Sen. Fair is the good gentleman who put a hold on that bill after another senator's attempt to amend it with creationist language was ruled out of order on procedural grounds. Yep, he's a real piece of work.
Following Fair's objections to the Lesbian Recruitment Play, the university issued a statement explaining what satire is:
“The title of ‘How to Become a Lesbian in 10 Days or Less,’ while deliberately provocative, is satirical in nature but has not been received as such. The controversy surrounding this performance has become a distraction to the educational mission of USC Upstate and the overall purpose of the Bodies of Knowledge symposium. As a result, we have canceled this segment of the symposium.”
We're pretty sure Fair then asked, "So they're saying it's not ten days? What, then, 20? 30? We need a sense of the timeline here."
Fair and a few other senators voted to send the school a message by voting against all of the incumbent members of USC-Upstate's board last week. He was joined in the vote by state Sen. Lee Bright, who is currently running for U.S. Senate. Bright claimed that "USC-Upstate has become a place of indoctrination not free inquiry.” Perhaps confirming that wild-eyed radical liberal gay-lovers are indeed taking over, the rest of the state Senate voted to reelect the university's board.
Should further evidence of out-of-control Gayism in higher education be brought to his attention, it is feared that the status of Sen. Fair's fit may be adjusted from "hissy" to "shit."
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