Meet Tamah Jada Clark, a “Floridian-American” sovereign citizen who brought a whole new meaning to "swearing before the court" when she recently filed an obscenity-filled court document titled "Notice: To F*ck This Court and Everything that it Stands For" after a judge dismissed a lawsuit that she'd filed. Clark had claimed that her civil rights were violated five years ago when she was arrested in a failed attempt to break her boyfriend out of prison.

Clark's April 20 rant is a masterpiece of Sovereign Citizen logic, explaining to U.S. District Court Judge Willis B. Hunt that she didn't believe for one minute he even has the power to dismiss her case:

We're not entirely clear what she's getting at here, because, as in any good legal document, she just launches into a refutation without quite saying what it is she's refuting. But one thing is clear: the judge is an "old, IMPOTENT geezer" and also a "F*cking b*tch." It's nice of her to respect the court by adding those asterisks, at least (we've smooshed a couple of the pages together here, to save space):

As for the judge's reasons for dismissing her case, if he thinks he can dismiss her, well then she can certainly dismiss him:

The court "takes judicial notice" of blah, blah, blah... Yep. Whatever.

We're just waiting for her to announce her candidacy!

Elsewhere, Clark explains that she knows her legal stuff real good, because she studied up for a whole month on what's really going on in this country:

Look here, old man, when I told you I AM Justice -- I meant it. It took me about 1 month to study the history of the world and to learn the history and inner workings American jurisprudence, literally. I was born to do this here. Don’t you know that your FBI and CIA have been trying to recruit me since grade school? Lol. But they’re unscrupulous losers like you, so it won’t be happening.

Instead, I will educate the People, and hopefully one day, if we are lucky, why will rise up against you oppressive, lying traitors and hang you all for the crime you have committed against us all.

You see, Judge Hunt's stupid ruling doesn't even apply to Tamah Jada Clark and her family, because she is a citizen of Florida-America, not the fictitious entity over which Judge Hunt supposedly has jurisdiction. After all:

[Federal law] applies specifically to federal citizens ONLY; we are not federal citizens. Answer me this, genius: if the original states were in existence before the federal government -- with their own constitutional provisions for protecting their citizens' unalienable human rights -- then why would state citizens need to claim protection for those rights under the federal constitution? They don't. That makes no sense. At all.

Oh, wow, she nailed that one. Federal court precedents also don't apply to Clark, because, duh, the case he cited was tried in Washington DC, and therefore applies only to people who live in Washington DC, while she is a citizen of Florida. "Our domicile is right here in Florida. You're an idiot." Just look around at the peninsula being swallowed by rising tides -- does it LOOK like the District of Columbia, stupid? As a mere federal judge, Hunt can't dismiss her case, because she is a free Floridian, who was "born in Pensacola, Florida and have a legal right to be in the USA, though I am not a citizen or national of the United States.”

You might at this point wonder why Clark even bothered to file anything in a federal court in the first place, since she is not subject to its rulings, but shut up, you are old and ugly, bitch.

This is easily one of the most important legal documents we have ever read, and we're quite impressed, especially because Clark attaches a 25-page supplement explaining why no one is required to pay taxes. It is from her website, which we could easily read all day, but we won't, because we fear we may have already numbed several parts of our cerebral cortex already.

We're not entirely sure Clark will prevail in her quest to overturn her conviction for planning to break her boyfriend out of jail, however, since there isn't a single word in her document about the gold fringe on Judge Hunt's flag, which means he only has the authority to try cases involving ships at sea.

If she missed something as obvious as that, she clearly needed to study for at least another month.

[RawStory / Scribd /]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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