The Soybean Farmer is this year's nostalgia-scented mascot of middle America, effortlessly replacing the Rugged Steelworkers who took the title in 2017 when they replaced the Scruffy Coalminers, who had the honor of playing the "Real American Blue Class Mascot" for Trump's 2016 White Nationalist presidential run. Far be it from us to say that they don't deserve the vaunted position as "The Only People Who Matter." How grateful they must be to receive Trump's attention for five minutes at a time, even though he fucked them over, since they super support him no matter how much he harms them. INDEED, as recently as August, the Soybean Farmer Army was willing to go full Valley Forge to prove their loyalty to King Don as the first SOLDIERS on the front lines of Trump's deadly trade war. Now their crops are rotting in the fields because the price of storage is too damn high. Welcome to MAGA!! Happy Thanksgiving! Line to get your faces off forms to the left!

Many of us figured out pretty early that foreign powers would try to target retaliatory trade tariffs at those areas in the nation that house the MAGA Tribe. We expected them to pour on the pain until Trump cried uncle, gave the fuck up, and pretended his trade war never happened. (Didn't work out that way, because Trump doesn't care what happens to his supporters.) Since Trump still hasn't learned shit from this experience, he is literally ruining the lives of his biggest fans by keeping this war going for no goddamn reason at all.

From Reuters UK:

U.S. farmers finishing their harvests are facing a big problem - where to put the mountain of grain they cannot sell to Chinese buyers.

Surprise!! When nobody wants to buy your shit it piles up. We are sure you don't mind very much since you STILL SUPPORT DONALD. Maybe you like being used as mascots and props, taken for a million rides, promised money (they have barely gotten any of a promised $15 billion) to relieve your financial woes, and looking stupid as your money crop rots. The farmers had been hoping they could say goodbye to all that and see an end to the tariffs before everything went to shit. Well, too bad, so sad, shouldn't have voted for Ivanka's dad. He's a criminal, maybe.

U.S. farmers planted 89.1 million acres of soybeans this year, the second most ever, expecting China's rising demand to give them better returns than other bulk crops

Oh, this is really fucked up when you think about how loyal those farmers are to that Ratchet Ass Trump. They planted MORE soybeans than usual, but Trump just had to fuck that up because he's too stupid to know he doesn't know a fucking thing about a fucking thing.

For Louisiana farmer Richard Fontenot and his neighbours, the solution was a costly one: Let the crops rot. "No one wants them," Fontenot said in a telephone interview. As he spoke, he drove his tractor across a soybean field, tilling under his crop. "I don't know what else to do."

Um? Didn't you get your portion of that $15 billion in farm aid? NO? WHY THE FUCK NOT?

From NYT:

"This was supposed to make sure farmers were not the victims of this trade policy," said Jim Mulhern, president of the National Milk Producers Federation. "I think most agriculture producers feel that the payments have not come close to making up for the damage for the tariffs."

Maybe STOP SUPPORTING TRUMP until he actually does something to help you for real, like ending his trade war?? To go from supporting Trump in his trade war "TO THE DEATH!" to panicking and screaming like "HOW much did you say grain storage fees are?? REALLY??" is actually a refreshing change. You see, dear readers, many of these farmers actually believed that shit Trump was saying about how "good and easy" his trade war would be. Still waiting for the "good" OR "easy" parts.

"I've never seen things this bad," Altom said. "I know several farmers who hired lawyers, to see if they can sue over the pricing and fees issues

Uh oh! Looks like even farm country might eventually realize how good they had it under Barack Hussein Obummer. If Trump keeps this up we might never have a white man as president again! YAY!!! They need a break anyway. Misandry sounds relaxing.

Honselman is banking on a resolution to the trade war before this spring

Really? You STILL believe Trump is going to do ANYTHING to help you actually prosper? Well, ok. Let us know how that turns out for you, because Puerto Rico is still barely clinging to life and he is NOT HELPING.

This is why we are not pleased with the Soybean Farmers. The problem (Trump! Trump is the PROBLEM!) is super obvious to all and sundry, yet they still cling to the hope that letting him use them as props and mascots will somehow make him give a shit about fucking them over. It won't.

Let us be the first to remind you of that OTHER time we were not pleased with them after we happened upon a video of some jocular and unbothered Soybean Farmers who were willing to DIE. They were just having a freaking blast discussing what Job-like tribulations they were willing to suffer as casualties in Operation Bigly Tariffs for MAGA. When asked how long they would support Trump and his dumb stupid foolish idiotic trade war, one guy said, "TO THE DEATH!!!" and the other ones giggled like a bunch of Heathers who knew a secret, and DID NOT DISPUTE what he said.

Now, we here at Wonkette knew that shit wasn't even the slightest bit funny, and were very mad that they laughed even a little bit at that horrible plan. Death by Trade war sounds fucking terrible, just like pretty much every other death besides "old and in my sleep," but, lol, hahaha, giggle giggle, "TO THE DEATH" might be exactly what happens to their farms if they don't stop listening to King Dumbass. Because he's stupid. They need to wake the fuck up and smell the Trumpsterfire that's already burning down their lives and start Resisting.


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Follow Wonderbitch aka Bravenak aka Bianca DeLaRosa, loves her jobs as Social Media Manager for Wonkette more than Sarah Huckabee Sanders loves lying to America. Bianca also moonlights as a Witch (THE BAD KIND!!) and is a Freelance Goddess of All Things Ever. Be very nice her because she likes to curse people, especially mean people. You can find Bianca on Twitter @Wonderbitch81, or email her at


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