Charlie Kirk Can Go F*ck Himself With Any Balance Beams Simone Biles Not Currently Using
KIRK: She probably coulda just competed and just kinda checked the boxes and they would've got a gold medal.
Would love to hear about Charlie's expertise in what "checking the boxes" entails for a gymnast. Of course, if Biles had ended up severely injuring herself, that probably wouldn't have done wonders for Team America Fuck Yeah's medal contention possibilities. But hey, let's listen to He Of The Unfuckable Face some more:
KIRK: Simone Biles says, "This Olympic Games, I wanted to be for myself when I came in, and I felt like I was still doing it for other people," as she cried after the team event on Tuesday. "So that just, it like hurts my heart, because doing what I love has been kinda taken away from me to please other people."
Yeah, that's the point, SIMONE BILES. You're representing your nation, you selfish sociopath. You kidding me?
Big surprise, Charlie Kirk, dumpy conservative white man, thinks a Black woman exists to please other people.
Kirk continued quoting Biles, and adding his entitled editorial comments.
KIRK: "Today, it's like you know what? I'm not going to do something and get hurt. It's just not worth it, especially when you have three amazing athletes who can step up to the plate and do it." So you know who has the gold medal? Russia. Russia. I have to go look at these 4'11" Russian Olympians chewing on their gold medals, smirking at the Americans. I'm not OK with that, but honestly that's where we're headed.
You know how Trump conservatives just hate letting Russia have the upper hand. Hate it.
KIRK: We are raising a generation of weak people like Simone Biles.
Weak people like Simone Biles, as assessed by ...
KIRK: If she's got all these mental health problems, don't show up.
This is one of the stupidest things these dumpy white men have been saying about all this, suggesting that Biles has been keeping her mental health issues a secret so she could pull a fast one on everybody and quit at the Olympics. As if this whole time she's been like LOL SUCKERS, I'm not going to win ANY gold medals, FOOLED YOU!
KIRK: Of course, she's an incredible athlete. I'm not saying that—she's probably the greatest gymnast of all time. She's also very selfish, she's immature and she's a shame to the country.
Hate selfish people who selfishly refuse to break their selfish necks so Charlie Kirk can sit on his dimply ass with a Patriot Stiffy and scream "U-S-A! U-S-A!" And if Biles were to have injured herself and could never compete again like Kerri Strug, but she got that gold for Charlie Kirk to fantasize about swinging from said Patriot Stiffy? Worth it.
KIRK: She's totally a sociopath. Of course she's a sociopath. What kind of person skips the gold medal match? Who does that?
A person who assesses their own body and mind and determines they physically cannot compete?
KIRK: It's a shame to the nation. You just gave a gift to the Russians.
It's not on the level of handing over Rust Belt polling models to instruct Russian intelligence on how exactly to steal an election for Putin and install the stupidest, most loathed human being in American history as president. But it'll do, we guess.
KIRK: Don't show up. If you're not ready for the big time ...
If Simone Biles with her four gold medals and her four gymnastics skills literally named after her is not ready for the big time ...
KIRK: ... we got thousands of young female that would love to take the place. Thousands. Simone Biles just showed the rest of the nation that when things get tough, you shatter into a million pieces.
Go fuck yourself with a balance beam, Charlie.
For other hot takes on Simone Biles that should be completely and utterly ignored, there's Piers Morgan (of course) and if you really haven't gotten your fill of dumpy white people who really truly couldn't do a simple tumble on those blue and red preschool mats without spraining their groins and subsequently being out of commission for a week, there's always The Federalist, which just can't stop writing about it.
Christ, these assholes.
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Right-Wing Sites Say It's Actually More Woke To Keep Racist Baseball Team Names
She wrote:
Soon after being signed by the Cleveland Spiders in early 1897, Sockalexis wowed local sportswriters, who began referring to the team as the "Indians," and by the end of March that year, the name "Spiders" was virtually forgotten. [...]
In January 1915, team owner Charles Somers decided to revive the local nickname — which had previously defined the city's National League club — and officially named the team the Cleveland Indians, says SABR.
While some historians claim Somers chose a Native American-esque name, in part, to mimic the Atlanta Braves — due to being inspired by the team winning the World Series a year earlier — the name "Cleveland Indians" is nonetheless the stark revival of the team's old byname.
But 106 years later, in the wake of political correctness, cancel culture, and the woke mob running rampant, the Cleveland Indians — a name presumably derived from Somers reminiscing about the period of excitement that Sockalexis brought to Cleveland in 1897 — is no more.
Oh how sad for Louis Sockalexis that he can no longer be honored by a grotesque caricature of his people, who, just for the record, were not from India. They were not "Indians." They were Penobscot. The only reason they were called "Indians" is because a genocidal Italian dude refused to admit he got lost.
Speaking of which. The first Italian-American baseball player was Ed Abbaticchio, who played for the Philadelphia Phillies. Would Mastroangelo prefer that they changed their name to the Philadelphia Dagos to honor him? Or the Philadelphia Mafiosi? Or the Philadelphia Handsome But Comically Stupid Stock Characters? That would be super weird, right? Like, even if one were not particularly offended by it, it would at least feel unnecessary. And not remotely like an "honor."
When honoring people, it's important to take into consideration what they might want. And I don't think anyone would want to be honored like this:
Over at the National Review, Nicholas Frankovich tried to argue that if the Cleveland Indians are changing their name, why is it still okay for teams to named after Northern European ethnic groups, huh?
The reasons most often cited for objecting to "Indians" never added up, as you noticed if you calculated with a close eye and an open mind. Let's run through the main two reasons, quickly.
To name a sports team after an ethnicity is to demean the ethnicity. Unless, apparently, we're talking about northwestern Europeans — Vikings, Celtics, Yankees, Fighting Irish.
If you say that it isn't racist to name a team after certain European ethnicities, I don't disagree. If you then maintain that it is racist to name a team after a people whom European settler-colonizers displaced, please explain.[...]
Over the years, to no avail, I've asked friends and foes to make explicit the logic that leads them to aver that "Indians" is a racist team name but that "Yankees," for example, is not. They've left me to do the work for them.
Frankovich has a guess. It's not a very good guess.
Since our premise is that it's demeaning to a people to attach their name to a sports team, to do so when the people in question are not at the bottom of a presumed status hierarchy has a leveling effect: The distance between them and those deemed to have suffered greater historical humiliation is reduced. The principle of equality is thereby served.
Nope, that would not be it.
The New York Yankees were actually Yankees. It would be a bit different, I suppose, if it were the Georgia Yankees and the teams merchandise relied on culturally ridiculous depictions of Yankees as vicious carpetbaggers, but that is not the case. The Boston Celtics? So named because there were a lot of Irish people in Boston and actually did honor those people. Because it wasn't a slur. It's not like they named them the Boston Micks. Their mascot is a sassy leprechaun, not a drunk priest. This is not hard.
Even in the case of the Fighting Irish? The name was chosen by Irish people. At a Catholic university.
Indigenous people were not involved in the choosing of these team names. They did not have that power. The team names were chosen not to celebrate them but to invoke shitty stereotypes of Native Americans as violent "savages."
None of this is hard, none of it is complicated. These people don't literally think that the name or the caricature "honors" a Native American baseball player and they don't actually think that naming your team The Indians or, you know, the other one, is the same thing as people in a largely Irish city naming their team The Celtics. No one thinks that.
They're just scared and they want to go back to a time when they could just say whatever they wanted always and didn't have to worry about offending anyone, which would make a lot more sense if that had ever actually happened in the course of human history.
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