Right Wing Extremism

F*ckin' Elite Strike Force Idiot Out Here Talkin' About Human-Animal Hybrid Sports Teams

Jenna Ellis is not a bear.

If you have forgotten, Jenna Ellis was the idiot-ass young evangelical member of Donald Trump's Elite Strike Force of election-overturning superlawyers. You probably thought of her as the dumbest one, differentiating her from Rudy Giuliani (most senile); Sidney Powell (most Kraken); and Joe diGenova and Victoria Toensing (most "hairball").

She's so, so stupid. During the campaign, she wanted to sue CNN for releasing polls the Trump campaign didn't like. She was the one who called Trump's team of lawyers an "Elite Strike Force."

And of course, she's a white super-bigot, which usually goes hand-in-hand with being dumb. One time she called Senator Reverend Raphael Warnock a "false teacher," and accused him of spreading "heresy," as if any God gave her that right, and as if Matthew 7:22-23 wasn't literally about her. She intentionally misgenders Dr. Rachel Levine, President Joe Biden's assistant secretary for Health. She's just garbage.

So don't you want to hear her thoughts on ... trans-mammal sports teams?

Oh hell yeah you do, don't lie.

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WonkTV

Oh Hey Look, It's Joe Biden And Some Basketball Champions!

Live on WonkTV!

The Milwaukee Bucks are the 2021 NBA champions, and they are goin' to the White House today, because when Joe Biden is president, champion sports teams like going to the White House. In fact, as the Washington Post points out, this is the first time the NBA champions will have shown up there since 2016, when Barack Obama was president.

Hey, remember when the football men from the Tampa Bay Buccaneers went to the White House recently and Tom Brady and Joe Biden ended up very publicly making fun of Donald Trump and it was great?

Maybe something fun like that will happen today!

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Sportsball

Green Bay QB Aaron Rodgers Got 'Immunized.' We Guess From Prosecution, Because It Wasn't Against COVID-19!

The football story that keeps getting dumber.

Hello! Tis I, your friendly resident cheesehead and football fan.

I need sports. In a world that's quickly becoming uninhabitable and a country where literal Nazis are making a comeback, sports give me the escape from reality that I need. I don't get people who say they don't care about sports because they're meaningless – it's the fact that sports are meaningless that makes them so great! It's almost meditative, to take a few hours to care about nothing but which team gets the ball past the line or through the giant U-shaped thing the most times.

Aaron Rodgers is good at football. He's a Super Bowl MVP, three-time regular-season MVP, and – and no, I'm not just saying this because I'm biased – one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time.

But Aaron Rodgers isn't only good at football. He's goofy and fun and a little nerdy. He was SUPER into guest-hosting "Jeopardy!" He went to Cal, not a typical football college. To our knowledge, he's never murdered or raped anyone or tried to kill his girlfriend.

This season's hair choices aside, Aaron Rodgers is a dream. He is delightful to root for. Especially when you consider that the Packers' last quarterback is a Trumpy asshole who sent dick pics to a female reporter and recently scammed Mississippi out of $600k in welfare money, I couldn't have asked for a better replacement than Aaron.

That's why it was even more disappointing when the news broke yesterday that, Rodgers, who contracted COVID, was unvaccinated.

"But why," you may ask, "is Antivaxxer Aaron just breaking now?" And that's a great question! Why did we all think Aaron Rodgers, one of today's most famous football players, was vaccinated?!

OH, RIGHT, MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE HE TOLD US HE WAS.

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White Nonsense

Charlie Kirk So Mad White Conservative Men Banned From Sports Now

Oh well.

Here's one more conniption for your file of white men losing it because Las Vegas Raiders coach Jon Gruden had to resign over all his racist sexist homophobic gross bad emails. Surprise, it is Charlie Kirk, and he is making the face you see above.

Kirk knows what's really happening, why Gruden got pushed out, and it's because white Catholic conservative menfolk just aren't welcome anymore in woke sports like football. This is of course by the decree of Roger Goodell, who is we guess the dictator tyrant prince of Critical Race Theory Cancel Cultures, on top of his regular duties as NFL commissioner.

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