Laura Ingraham Also Too Got Humiliated On Live TV This Week
Steve Almond is the best Fox News guest ever.
If you're reading this on Friday morning, you are probably celebrating the election of our new consensus House speaker, "Some Guy Gaetz And Boebert Picked Up At The Bar At Hooters." Good luck, guy from the Hooters bar!
But we didn't want you to miss Laura Ingraham's greatest career moment this year, which happened on Wednesday night. This is also IN CONTENTION for the best Fox News interview of the week. The other one is in another post this morning, WE REPORT YOU DECIDE.
Anyway, Ingraham was interviewing an author named Steve Almond, who has some feelings about how maybe football is not such a good idea anymore, considering all the brain damage and so forth. He wrote a book on the subject.
As we said, it was Wednesday, which means it came before the incredible news that Buffalo Bills safety Damar Hamlin is awake and according to his doctors, as of Thursday, he appears not to have suffered permanent neurological damage. It's still going to be a long road, they say.
But obviously, Fox News and other rightwing freakshows have to turn this into a THEY ARE COMING FOR YOUR PENIS MASCULINITIES!!!1!111 story, to make their incel viewers shit their pants. So Ingraham invited the guy who wrote the book about ending football. She obviously thought she could use him as a punching bag.
It did not go that way.
Here's the part where Almond said the NFL would make football safer when it has an economic incentive, and compared it to how Fox News throws money at settling lawsuits when its hosts are accused of sexual harassment. Bad PR is bad PR!
Ingraham HATED that.
\u201cOh shit he went there\u201d— Acyn (@Acyn) 1672889449
Some transcript from Daily Beast:
“It’s like at Fox News when you have hosts who are allegedly sexually harassing people,” he said. “Fox News throws money at that to make that PR problem go away.”
“That’s a cute little move,” Ingraham would say shortly afterward. “I’m trying to get you to answer a question.”
She also tried to say "nobody has done more to expose" something or another, but she cut herself off. Not sure whether she was going to say nobody had done more to expose sexual harassment than she herself personally, or Fox News, or "nobody has done more to expose their penis." Probably best that she started a whole different sentence right then.
Then there was this clip, where Almond made fun of Ingraham trying to scare her fans with tales of a "mythic woke mob" that's coming for their foo'ball. She pretended to be appalled at the suggestion that her entire career is built on trying to scare her dumbfuck viewers.
\u201cIngraham: Football is not about politics. It's not about politics. You're making it about politics.\u00a0\nAlmond: That's your entire economic model. That's to scare your viewers. That's your whole gig.\u201d— Acyn (@Acyn) 1672892065
“I’m focused on the fans and what I essentially believe, which is not that any government ban is going to make football safer, and certainly not some mythic woke mob that you mentioned to try to scare your viewers,” Almond said.
Ingraham interjected that she is not “trying to scare the viewers,” and that the sport is “not about politics.”
“Oh, I think that’s your entire economic model,” Almond responded. “Your entire economic model is to scare your viewers. That’s your whole gig.”
Factcheck TRUE.
Without making the white geriatric idiots who watch Fox News shit their Depends, there is literally no reason for Fox News to exist. That's the business model.
Here's how the interview ended, with Almond again noting that the NFL will fix it when there's an economic incentive to do so, and this time compared it to the time Ingraham had to apologize after she was disgusting to a child who survived the Parkland mass shooting, which caused her advertisers to flee.
Watch how fast Ingraham ends it.
INGRAHAM: But underneath it all, you seem to have a belief that football has — has a history based in racism and a celebration of the fans of violence. And what I'm saying to you is, I think — I don't know what kind of fan base you're going to, they don't celebrate violence. They're there to enjoy the game and celebrate the talent.
ALMOND: I don't think the fans celebrate violence. I agree with you, Laura. I don't think the fans are celebrating the violence. I think they tolerate the violence and they see when somebody like Damar Hamlin is almost killed in front of them — or I remember watching Darryl Stingley get paralyzed as an 11-year-old — and I didn't stop watching football. And lots of fans don't stop watching football because they enjoy it so much because it's so thrilling. The reason that people change their behavior is because there's an economic incentive. A couple of years ago when you taunted a survivor of Parkland mass shooting, you apologized because advertisers withdrew from your show and —
INGRAHAM: Steven, nice try little buddy. Nice try buddy, I appreciate it. This is what they always do, but we're going to welcome all points of view on the show.
Yeah, little buddy, NICE TRY. You sure did SUCCEED at reminding everybody what shit-mouthed gargoyle trash Laura Ingraham really is, NICE TRY LITTLE BUDDY.
Fucking asshole probably scoffed herself to sleep the last two nights after that interview.
In related news, here is Noted Masculine Person Matt Walsh explaining why girls can't possibly understand Man Things like football, not the way Noted Masculine Person Matt Walsh understands them.
\u201cDaily Wire host: "Football is not for women. There might be some women who get into it. But it's not really for women. It's not for you. You don't understand it. You're not meant to understand it"\u201d— Jason Campbell (@Jason Campbell) 1672950760
You can tell Matt Walsh oozes masculinity by his ill-fitting clothes, his gross, ungroomed shitbeard, and his Supercuts haircut.
It's a Man Thing, you wouldn't understand.
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Happy New Year To Everyone Except Scumbags Using Damar Hamlin As Prop For Sicko Anti-Vax Fantasies
Vile humans are vile.
Last night, during "Monday Night Football," something awful happened. Buffalo Bills safety Damar Hamlin, 24 years old, made a tackle, and then collapsed as the result of a severe and seemingly sudden cardiac event. He's in critical condition. The game was suspended and then postponed, though there was a time last night when the ambulance was on the field when it was still unclear that would happen.
There are many doctors on Twitter, and though they are not Damar Hamlin's doctor, some have offered that what happened looks like it could be something called "Commotio cordis," a rare arrhythmia that can happen after a blow to the chest. It apparently happens most often with baseball or hockey players who are young. (Think of a very fast baseball or puck hitting the chest.) There are other possibilities. We will find out when we find out.
What not one real medical expert has suggested is that Damar Hamlin collapsed because he was vaccinated against COVID-19. However, America's vilest and stupidest people are committed
to a conspiracy theory that people are just collapsing and/or dropping dead everywhere because of the vaccine, despite how they have no actual evidence of anyone collapsing/dropping dead from the vaccine. So they're pretty sure that's what happened. They're particularly obsessed with fostering a fantasy that young, healthy professional athletes are dying in droves from mandatory vaccines.
It's sick. These people are sick.
Here's a sampling. Some of them think they are very cleverly speaking in code, but you'll let us know if you're confused what they mean, OK?
\u201cThe MAGA anti-vax ghouls waste no time.\u201d— Ron Filipkowski \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\udde6 (@Ron Filipkowski \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\udde6) 1672715151
\u201cThe freaks are already out in full force trying to capitalize on Damar Hamlin\u2019s injury to push anti-vaccine conspiracies\u201d— nikki mccann ram\u00edrez (@nikki mccann ram\u00edrez) 1672715431
\u201cusing vague double speak doesn\u2019t make it any less disguising and opportunist\u201d— nikki mccann ram\u00edrez (@nikki mccann ram\u00edrez) 1672715431
Garbage. Just absolute garbage.
We have a theory why these people are so committed to this conspiracy theory, and it's that many of the low-information (mostly) white people spreading it are unvaxxed people who have lost unvaxxed family members and other loved ones to COVID. When so many of us were getting vaccinated and COVID started transitioning away from a daily fear and into a daily annoyance, these people and their families were still becoming gravely ill and dying tragic, lonely, pointless deaths. They're ashamed to admit it. Humans really hate to suffer the humiliation of admitting they were wrong, and we imagine that tendency is only stronger if their mother or their father or their brother or their sister is dead because of it.
So they invent fantastical worlds where their loved ones died of something else, and The Liberals are out there just dropping like flies, because they took the vaccine.
"Coach" Dave Daubenmire has been a prolific and batshit spreader of anti-vax conspiracy theories, and he's been in overdrive the past 12 hours. An example:
Read that and read the rest of the posts from the senile old white Boomer goat, but then
read the comments from the everyday lunatics who follow him. Read them in light of our theory. Read them in light of the number of preventable, unvaccinated deaths that have happened in the last two years. Read them in light of the fact that the American people are being little bit lazy about keeping their vaccinations current.
And of course, read them in light of the fact that these fucking pigs are willing to take very real tragedies and use them to bolster their delusional fantasies. As with other unhinged rightwing conspiracy theories, the lies detract from very real issues and the very real grownups trying to solve them. (For instance, the way QAnon obsessions with saving imaginary children from imaginary trafficking hurt actual child trafficking victims and derail real child trafficking investigations.)
You know, in case you thought we were being sympathetic. We aren't.
Fuck them.
\u201cYou are absolutely the biggest piece of human garbage that can possibly exist right now. I literally think you are done now\n\nUsing this tragedy for your BS lies is sick\u201d— Adam Kinzinger #fella (@Adam Kinzinger #fella) 1672715729
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Matt Walsh Having Heart Palpitations Because US Men's Soccer Team Doing Gay Rainbow Flag Thingie
America's manly conservative white men have found a new thing to blubber about.
The midterms are over, so now conservative Republican white guy types can get back to what really matters: litterboxes and the children who use them.
Just kidding, litterboxes are so October. They have a new thing.
The US men's soccer team is going to have a rainbow on its crest during certain parts of the World Cup in Qatar. It is a direct response to fucked up, vicious anti-LGBTQ laws in that country, and human rights concerns in general. This is the most important thing ever, to big tough alpha white conservative guys. And having yelping conniptions about things like this is very popular with the American people, as we saw from last week's midterm results.
Here is Matt Walsh, a man whose boss is Ben Shapiro, whatever that is like, and he is WOW upset. Is that rainbow crest treason? Sure why not, if you are so weak inside that some rainbow colors on an insignia give you heart palpitations, then yes, sure, you betcha.
“The corporate gay pride stuff is just sheep’s blood on the door signaling that they are the chosen people so the angel of cancellation passes them over."
Is that why they do it? Also is that a proper use of Passover as a metaphor, or is that kind of antisemitic?
“But as far as symbolism goes, I think it is appropriate that they should change the colors of the American flag with the colors of the LGBT flag.
“I mean, it’s horrendous, it’s traitorous, it’s treasonous — if I was in charge of the country, they wouldn’t be allowed back into the country — but it’s also appropriate."
The US men's soccer team shouldn't be allowed back in America? Because rainbow?
“Because the LGBT nation, LGBTistan we may call it,
May we?
is, after all, the country that corporate America as well as the United States government seeks to represent.
"Now, I've often said that the alphabet club is a religious cult. And it is that, certainly. But maybe, on second thought, it's better understood in this way, as a country. It has its own flag, its own national holidays, its own myths and traditions, its own sports teams, and it has its own government too, which is formerly known as the United States government.
“Now some people predict that we will eventually in the future become two countries, there’s going to be some civil war."
The one with the gays and the government and the corporations vs. the one with Matt Walsh in it?
All of this is just excessively normal and well-adjusted, by the way.
"What does your dad do all day?" "Rages attransgender children and says Black Little Mermaids are unscientific and talks about how teenage girls are made for getting pregnant." "Oh, huh. OK, well, my dad is normal."
"But the point is we’re already two countries. There’s one that salutes the Pride flag and despises the American flag, and one that salutes the American flag and has no use for the Pride flag."
What about the one that loves both of them — no, we mean actually loves the American flag, like a grown-up — and thinks dumb conservative white losers humping the flag while Lee Greenwood provides the soundtrack, while simultaneously supporting a political movement that seeks to impose white fascist Christianity on the rest of us, is just about the most anti-American thing we've ever fucking heard?
“At this point, it’s only a matter of making the split official, I suppose. Something that we will probably never do, but we should.” – Daily Wire host Matt Walsh, on the rainbow crest adopted by Team USA for the World Cup.
Cool, we get all the cities and the infrastructure and the shipping routes and the culture and the military and the woke corporations (i.e. all the companies that matter) and the rivers and the tax revenue and the education and the people who are good and funny and nice and true and Matt Walsh's country gets whatever's left.
Have fun never driving in to Nashville from the suburbs ever again, weirdo. (The Daily Wire losers live in the Nashville area, because Los Angeles was too woke or something. Nashville is also an extremely blue city full of people who hate them, despite how it has been gerrymandered out of electoral existence. Ben Shapiro moved to south Florida.)
To review: Matt Walsh is having a weapons-grade toddler meltdown about the US Men's World Cup Soccer team putting rainbow colors on its crest. That is the grown man activity he is engaging in this week.
If you are desperately seeking another allegedly alpha type white conservative guy shitting his Underoos over this, Jesse Kelly from iHeart is inconsolable, claiming some veteran friend of his is blubbering at him on text about it, saying things like this:
KELLY: Screw this country. I wish I'd never served. Jesse. This is not what I fought for. This is not what we fought for. I'm ashamed I ever fought for this. This is a despicable country that deserves whatever it gets.
OK. Does it make the military stronger or weaker, to have guys in the corner hyperventilating about rainbow flags on soccer jerseys?
Jesse Kelly immediately described what his friend looks like with his shirt off:
And I want to make sure you understand something. If you ever saw him shirtless and I hope you don't, but if you ever saw him shirtless, you would see the biggest – it's actually really cool – all black and white, biggest American flag on his left pec you've ever seen.
Okeydoke. Now we know about Jesse Kelly's upset friend's patriot nipples. Important info.
Kelly just blabbered on and on and on, and by the end he was saying that "I will be actively rooting against Team USA. I'll pick another country that doesn't embrace this degeneracy at the World Cup," because that is what men like this have been reduced to. Reduced to rooting against soccer teams and their own country because we guess they are worried it will make them or other people gay.
Totally normal, these are definitely the kinds of guys we want influencing America's children, guys who become actively hysterical when they see rainbow shapes on soccer jerseys.
[Media Matters / Media Matters]
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Just Another Blog Post About Everybody Hating Ted Cruz
Typical day on internet!
Is this indeed just another everybody hates Ted Cruz blog post, as the headline says? Watch this video of Yankees fans screaming at Ted Cruz as he was leaving a game, and you tell us.
\u201cTed Cruz getting out of Yankee Stadium was a beautiful moment for New York\u201d— The Levine Machine (@The Levine Machine) 1666587335
Haha, turns out that's exactly what this blog post is.
Now, some people might be inclined to think this was just good old sports-type ribbing, as Ted Cruz is a Houston Astros fan and the Yankees were playing the Astros. And it's true, these ARE the the types of things sports fans say to rival fans:
- FUCK YOU, YOU RACIST PIECE OF SHIT, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU MAN, YOU FUCKING SUCK, DUDE! YOU GO TO FUCKING HELL, DUDE!
- REMEMBER WHEN TRUMP CALLED YOUR WIFE UGLY? REMEMBER THAT? REMEMBER WHEN TRUMP CALLED YOUR WIFE UGLY AND THEN YOU NOMINATED HIM? FUCK YOU!
- YOU FUCKIN' PIECE OF SHIT! REMEMBER WHEN THOSE INSURRECTIONISTS WANTED TO MURDER YOU?
- YOU UGLY PIECE OF SHIT, GO TO HELL, GET THE FUCK OUT OF NEW YORK!
- TRUMP CALLED YOUR WIFE UGLY AND YOU LOVED IT! YOU UGLY FUCK, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
- EAT MY DICK, YOU ASSHOLE!
Look, either you understand baseball or you don't.
So yeah, the Yankees fans were just real mean to Ted Cruz. They flipped him off a bunch. They booed him. They told him to go back to Cancun.
And then he went on "The View" the next day and everybody was mean to him there too.
\u201cAccording to @SteveGuest, the part here that is bleeped out was somebody in the audience at The View yelling "Fuck you, Ted Cruz" after which they were forced to go to commercial.\u201d— Greg Price (@Greg Price) 1666626498
You know what nobody did to Ted Cruz, though, not at the Yankees game or at "'The View"? Nobody made him hide in a supply closet with the mops and the buckets and the other cleaning supplies because he was scared for his life. That American hero at the Yankees game might have screamed one million times at Cruz about how much he obviously loved it when Donald Trump called Cruz's wife ugly, but that man did not threaten to hurt him.
No, that was Trump's terrorists on January 6, even though Cruz spent that entire day trying to overthrow the American government in Trump's service. Cruz revealed in his new crap book that nobody's going to read that he had to hide in the closet with the congressional pool noodles and floaties to stay safe from the terrorists. We guess those invading white guys just couldn't be counted on to know exactly which members of Congress were seditionist just like them. We all saw that video of Josh Hawley running like a little weenus, clearly he was scared Trump's terrorists might be lacking in discernment and accidentally attack him.
And Ted Cruz was scared of the same thing.
But even in that supply closet with the blue foldy mats the senators take their naps on, even there Ted Cruz did not think twice about trying to continue overthrowing the government in order to obey the authoritarian wishes of the man who called his wife ugly:
"Several members of the group argued that in the face of the riot, we should suspend our objections and vote to certify the election. I understood the sentiment. But I vehemently disagreed with it. I urged my colleagues that the course of action we were advocating was the right and principled one."
Ted Cruz wouldn't stop hurting America even when he was scared. That's just the kinda guy he is.
[Newsweek]
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