US Men's Soccer Thinks Women's Team Deserves *More Than* 'Equal Pay,' Since They're Better

The USMNT filed an amicus brief supporting the USWNT in their fight for equal pay.

In 2019, the 28 members of the United States women's national soccer team celebrated International Women's Day by suing the United States Soccer Federation for gender discrimination — demanding equal pay, and more importantly, equal pay structures with their male counterparts. Last year, Judge R. Gary Klausner dismissed the case on the grounds that the women signed a contract agreeing to a differently structured payment agreement that "prioritized stability" and health care over per-game bonuses, as well as the fact that they actually ended up making more than the male players. However, had they been paid with the same structure as the male players, they would have earned a hell of a lot more.

Why? Because the US women's team is ranked first in the world and has won four World Cups, while the men's team is ranked 22nd and has won zero World Cups. In order to make as much as the male players do, the women have to win practically every one of their games.

The women are now appealing Judge Klausner's decision, and the men's team is standing by them, filing an amicus brief in support of their lawsuit on Friday.

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Right Wing Extremism

Charlie Kirk Can Go F*ck Himself With Any Balance Beams Simone Biles Not Currently Using

Christ, these assholes.

Who's ready for another day of opinions about Simone Biles from dumpy, mostly conservative white men who couldn't do a preschool-level somersault if you paid them?

A lot of people have had good things to say about Biles this week, and the best takes among them have been that none of us can possibly imagine what she's currently going through, and she doesn't actually owe us anything, so maybe we should all just STFU and send our love. Biles announced this morning that she's pulling out of the individual all-around finals, having taken what she called a mental health day after pulling out of the team final. She could still compete next week, but maybe she won't. It'll be up to her and has nothing to do with any of the rest of us.

We don't have a lot to add to the good things that have already been said, so we'll just agree with those pointing out that if you are the greatest gymnast in world history and your brain is causing you to forget where you are IN THE AIR while you're in the middle of insane twisting routines — gymnasts call it getting the "twisties," and you should click here to learn all about it — then it's probably best for you and everyone else if you don't break your neck and have to get carried away in a stretcher. On that last vault, she had a mental break in the middle of the air. Because she's so damn good, she was still able to land it on her feet, without the precision she needed, but also without killing herself. She had been experiencing similar troubles in the prelims. It wasn't a blip. She's going through a thing. She's a human being who goes through things.

Expert athletes, musicians — anybody who has to perform like that — will tell you that once your body is capable of doing a thing, the rest of it is mental. It's muscle memory. It's a zone they get into. If their brains fail to do their part, bad things can happen. If the skill in question is one where you literally can paralyze yourself for life if you fuck up, it's probably best to know thyself and get out of there before you literally paralyze yourself for life.

People have been comparing Biles to a Steph Curry or Tom Brady type — mostly these dumpy conservative white men bitching and moaning about "YEW DON'T DO THAT TO YER TEAM!" — but if those two athletes experience similar mental fuckups at a crisis moment, they miss the basket or throw an extremely shitty pass. A world-renowned concert pianist might be betrayed by their brain in the middle of the Rach 3 and get up and have to walk off stage without finishing. They don't suddenly end up hurling their bodies into their pianos and slamming the lids on their necks. What Biles is the greatest in the world at is uniquely dangerous, to say the least.

There's far more to say about it, but again, lots of people have already said some good things.

All that said, Charlie Kirk is a real piece of shit. This dumpy white conservative with an inhumanly tiny face that looks like a close-up of an infected ass pimple thinks he has opinions worth sharing about Biles.

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Right-Wing Sites Say It's Actually More Woke To Keep Racist Baseball Team Names

They're pretty desperate at this point, we guess.

For some conservatives, using racial slurs or whining about how it's not fair that Black people can use the n-word and they can't is simply not enough. They need, for whatever reason, to also have sports teams with racial slurs for names, and they need it desperately.

So desperately, in fact, that two prominent conservative sites actually tried to make the case that it would be more woke for the newly-minted Cleveland Guardians to stay the Cleveland Indians.

On Breitbart, Alana Mastrangelo tried to make the case that changing the name was an insult to Cleveland Spider's Louis Sockalexis, the first Native American in major league baseball, to whom the name was supposedly, possibly a tribute.

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Nice Time! Cleveland Baseball Team Picks New, Non-Racist Name!

That certainly makes things less awkward

Good news for Ohioans who like baseball but don't want to go around wearing a racially insensitive jersey in public! Cleveland's baseball club has decided to change their name from the Indians to the Guardians.

The new team name was announced on Friday with a lovely video narrated by Tom Hanks for some reason. He's from California, so I'm not sure what the connection is there, but hey! Tom Hanks! Everyone loves Tom Hanks, except for weird QAnon people.

Oh! Maybe because of A League of Their Own? Maybe it ends with him saying "There's no crying in baseball!" and I just missed that because I actually only watched the first 50 seconds?

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