Spring Break With Chuck Norris Sounds About As Lame As You Would Expect


Ever wonder what former action star and depressing self-parody Chuck Norris does on his time off (besides facelifts and hormone injections to keep the dreaded steroid induced "bitch tits" away)? Well as it turns out the meme-tastic actor is wasting time on the internet just like you! Although he is spacing out his fapping sessions with some bloggin' for the hip folks over at World Net Daily.

But what is bothering Chuck these days as he sits in his crusty Lululemons? Why, it's our nation of young fanciful strumpets who are mindlessly streaming across the border to have tequila-fueled sex with Norris' gardner, unaware of the danger that they now face. Luckily for these sluts, Chuck Norris is here to provide a roundhouse kick of truth to their cooters in his latest post all about telling women how not to get raped.

Each year more than 1.5 million students go on spring break, spending $1 billion on their spring fling. According to a University of Wisconsin study, 75 percent of those college males and 43 percent of females are intoxicated daily during that week. One in five of those college females and three in four college males are on the hunt for sexual encounters.

We will just take a moment to point out that both of those numbers sound mighty low. Perhaps phrasing the question "are you in the hunt for a sexual encounter" sounds like something you would ask Jeffrey Dahmer and not some undergrad looking to have their first three way in the Senor Frogs bathroom.

But here’s the newsflash: So are sexual predators, and several of the top destinations for spring breaks have become hot spots for sexual offenders. Any wonder why?

Not really Chuck, but as you are posting for the WND audience, slowly and completely spelling out your obvious logical implications probably is a good idea.

Remember this, too: More than one-third (35.6 percent) of youth sex offenders are those under 18 years of age. Seven percent of them are female. More than 66 percent of rape victims between the ages of 18 and 29 claimed to have known their attacker. And, according to the U.S. State Department, “rape commonly, but not exclusively, occurs at night or in the early morning hours, and often involves alcohol and the nightclub environment.”

TWO THIRDS OF YOUTH SEX OFFENDERS ARE TIME TRAVELING CRIMINALS? Someone call "Timecop" Jean Claude-Van Damme! Chuck Norris is powerless to stop this menace!

But in all honesty Chuck we are thankful that you are highlighting this important problem. Bars and the nightclub scene are beset with a number of really awful subhumans who are looking to take advantage of people at their most vulnerable. Taking the time to use your post to call out those sick individuals who rape, and to teach others not to ignore the essential need for consent before having sex, is actually a nice break from most conservative men who see rape as an inevitability...oh wait Chuck's not done...

But maybe the best and wisest thing for us to do is simply to quit risking lives and limbs for a week of self-indulgent ecstasy....

Maybe modesty rather than mania, and service rather than serve-us, should be our new goals for the next generations....

I’m not trying to be an alarmist; I’m just tired of people staring at common sense and discarding it like a joker from a deck of cards.

You know the saying, “If you play with fire …” It’s also good to remember: A spark neglected can rage into an inferno.

Time to wake up, again, America! Times are changing.

Just because it’s spring break doesn’t mean sexual predators and criminals take the week off. Fire takes no holiday.

You brought this on yourself you damn hussies. You could have spent the whole week working with Norris at his charity telling kids that they can judo their way out of poverty, BUT NOOOO!!! You had to go down to Mexico and embarass your poor family by getting yourself raped. You probably didn't even heed Norris' bullet pointed anti rape tips, like the genius "stop at all roadblocks" or the equally intelligent "Do not bring ATM cards" (only carry around a ridiculous amount of cash). Bet you feel silly now.

But seriously let's follow Louisiana's lead and blame the hippies for leading our fragile women folk into the arms of rapists with their sick promises of sinful bacchanalian parties and dastardly same-sex experimentation. Spring break should be spent sullenly blogging with your buddies Rick Santorum and Bradlee Dean. It is Norris and his friends who are all heroically making the world a better place for women by working to limit the people who get to decide what a woman does with her body to those upstanding men in the priesthood (who as we know are entirely removed from the sick temptations of rape).

So ladies stay safe this Spring Break and ignore foreign resort trips for the safety of a church where no sort of sexual impropriety or violent crime can ever happen.



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