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Startup Tech Bros Will Break Their Chains And Fight For Stock Options, Just Like Rosa Parks

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Were you wondering who the people facing the most difficulty in America are today? Is it the homeless or critically ill people with no healthcare? Haha of course not. It is tech bros who aren't getting enough stock options, and the time has come for them to rise up and fight for what is theirs.


Yes, Virginia, there really is something called a "Startup Employee Equity" rally, and it is where overprivileged douchebags come to wish that they were MORE overprivileged douchebags and pretend that working for several times minimum wage already is just like slavery, because what they really deserve are stock options.

Chris Zaharias paced the stage at a recent rally in Palo Alto, Calif., barely able to contain his rage, with a clear message for the audience of 200 frustrated workers.

He called for nothing less than a collective uprising, which he said would need a “Rosa Parks moment.”

The people, united!

“Stocks are the only way engineers can get rich and retire. Remember that,” Zaharias said. “To live here in Palo Alto, you need about $1 million dollars in equity gains. And given that only one in five startups are going to amount to something, you need to get that to happen.”

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