One Of Our Dildocraft Is Missing.
The big political news in New Mexico this week was Tuesday's landslide-isn't-adequate-to-describe-it win by Democratic state Rep. Melanie Stansbury in the special election to fill Interior Secretary Deb Haaland's congressional seat. But while the 60 percent to 36 percent stomping Stansbury delivered to Republican state Sen. Mark Moores will have important long-term implications for New Mexico politics, it was a plain vanilla "plane lands safely" story compared to Tuesday's other, far weirder political news in the Land of Enchantment.
That story, being, of course, the attack of the DONGCOPTER at a rally for Albuquerque mayoral candidate Manuel "Manny" Gonzales III, who currently serves as Bernalillo County Sheriff. As the Albuquerque Journal notes, the rally had started out well enough, with one of the biggest crowds Gonzales has had yet in his campaign to oust "fellow Democrat and incumbent Mayor Tim Keller." (The mayor's race is officially nonpartisan, so party affiliation won't be listed on the ballot. They are indeed Dems, although Gonzales is apparently some kind of law-n-order Trumper. Damned if any of it makes sense.)
Things got weird, in the form of a new kind of SKYPENIS, only this one at a far lower altitude than the others. While Gonzales was answering a question, a quadcopter drone dangling a dildo beneath it flew into the open-air venue, buzzing near the stage. As the audience giggled, an incredulous woman in the audience exclaimed, "Is that a dong on a drone?"
Here's a link to the video, which sadly cannot be embedded. Gonzales, clearly distracted — and who wouldn't be? — commented, "We have a gentleman over here who I guess is trying to be cute."
We pause here to compliment Journal reporter Elise Kaplan for this detailed description of the drone's being disarmed, or disdonged, by the venue's owner. It's the sort of keen-eyed journalism of which Pulitzer Prizes are made.
The owner of Revel Entertainment Center yanked the flying object – [sex] toy first – to the ground.
Things then got weirder, as you might expect in a Wonkette story about a DONGCOPTER.
As soon as the aeropeener was snatched out of the sky, a dude suddenly ran in and tried to wrest it from the owner of Revel Entertainment Center, then all these other dudes piled on him, and what the absolute fuck?
The dude who attempted the DONGCOPTER repatriation was arrested and identified as Kaelan Ashby Dreyer, 20. Dreyer was booked on charges of "misdemeanor battery and misdemeanor resisting, evading or obstructing an officer," and later released on his own recognizance. A complaint written by a sheriff's deputy said that Dreyer had shouted "He's a tyrant!" and was "swinging his balled up fist" at Gonzales.
Gonzales told the Journal he'd noticed Dreyer in the crowd while the DONGCOPTER was flying around, and while he didn't see Dreyer actually using a controller, he was pretty sure Dreyer was flying the remotely piloted tonker.
During the ensuing fracas, Gonzales said, "He tried to take a swing at me and he glanced across my arm [...] He struck me and I just took a step back. It wasn't anything I was very concerned about. I've been in a lot worse situations."
The complaint notes that Dreyer said he hadn't intended to hit Gonzales, but was very angry that Gonzales was "answering a question, from the crowd, in a disrespectful way," so there's your mandatory Rashomon: DONGCOPTER remix.
OK, there's also another bit of weirdness, why not? In a presser on Wednesday, Gonzales suggested the Mission Indongable incident was the work of "political operatives" who he suspected might be working for Mayor Keller. He said the aerial endongening was "a coordinated effort, very intentional, and these people were trained."
"Those people were planted there," Gonzales said. "They went there. They didn't go over there to have a civil discourse, they were there to disrupt. And they did act out that violence. So to me, it's very intentional." [...]
"It became so distracting from the sound and everything I couldn't really get my point across," Gonzales said. "I was trying to answer one of the lady's questions that was with this group of four that were political operatives for somebody, I believe possibly the other campaign. So for me, I was surprised. And it was distracting."
Not surprisingly, Keller's campaign says nah, not us, don't be a flying dick about this. Keller's campaign manager, Neri Holguin, condemned the incident as "disruptive, rude and immature," adding, "We denounce demeaning antics and urge residents to participate in the political process in a respectful manner."
As for the assertion that the Keller campaign was responsible for the winged wang, Holguin said, "To suggest we were behind it is pathetic and the kind of desperation that has marked Manny's troubled campaign," which may be a reference to the fact that Gonzales is still collecting petition signatures to make it onto the ballot. The deadline is June 19.
Dreyer also denied being an operative for Keller.
"Manny Gonzales is trying to associate me with Tim Keller or radical leftist behavior," Dreyer told the Journal. "I'm not a fan of Tim Keller either and identify as libertarian."
Hmm, maybe, but wouldn't a libertarian have used a flying copy of Atlas Shrugged? Eh, anyone who loves that is already a dick.
Regardless, I think we can all agree that the attempt to recreate the most iconic scene of Acockalypse Now would have been more impressive if the copter had been an actual dong, like when a 2008 press conference by Gary Kasparov was interrupted by a far more literal DONGCOPTER. Vladimir Putin's people are evil, but they don't go off half-cocked.
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Why yes, she IS running against him in the R primary.
Last week, Idaho's wackaloon Lieutenant Governor Janice McGeachin, who likes to hang out with anti-government militias and pretends she's some sort of freedom fighter by opposing public health measures, decided that while Gov. Brad Little was out of the state, she'd just fuck around and find out if she could bring LIBERTY to Idaho.
Little had gone to a Republican Governors Association conference in Nashville, and Idaho's state constitution says that when the governor leaves the state, they are no longer governor. So last Thursday, McGeachin issued a batshit crazy executive order prohibiting all state "political subdivisions" (other than nursing homes and hospitals) from mandating face masks.
As the Idaho Capital Sun 'splained, the order applied to all Idaho "public schools, counties, cities and public health districts. It also extends to state boards, commissions, departments and divisions." McGeachin said she hadn't checked with schools or informed them of the order before issuing it.
The first that Gov. Little heard of the order was right after he'd spoken at the RGA meeting, when he got a call from Secretary of State Lawrence Denney, the Capital Sun reported yesterday.
"He says, "Brad, I've got an executive order here,'" Little said in a lengthy interview [...] in his office Tuesday morning.
"That's when I first found out about it."
Little returned to Boise last Thursday night, and on Friday morning issued a new executive order undoing McGeachin's craziness. As of yesterday afternoon, the governor and the lieutenant governor hadn't spoken. In Idaho, the two officers are elected separately; they don't run together on a party ticket. It being Idaho, you're gonna have Republicans in both slots anyway. Idaho does have a two-party system, however: There are conservative Republicans like Little, and then there are bonkers whackjob far-Right Republicans like McGeachin.
This latest madness makes us wonder whether someday, the madness in the Idaho Republican Party will get so bad that voters turn away from the Rs. If they do, they'd still probably elect a Whig before a Democrat.
For educational purposes, here's McGeachin's celebratory tweet, with screenshots of the order if you want to see it:
Today, as acting Governor of the State of Idaho, I signed an Executive Order to protect the rights and liberties of… https://t.co/xz3vnIp8RO— Janice McGeachin (@Janice McGeachin)1622132451.0
The "whereases" of the order are really some special disinformation, so let's have a closer look-see. Just keep in mind that the CDC has published plenty of evidence that masks are effective in preventing transmission of COVID-19, and that "mask wearing has no significant adverse health effects for wearers." So this is neat: an executive order from an acting state governor that flat out lies about both those points.
WHEREAS, scientific studies show that COVID-l9 restrictions on individuals and businesses such as social distancing, gathering limitations, and the use of face masks or face coverings of any design have done significant physical, mental, social, and economic harm and were ineffective mitigation measures;
and WHEREAS, serious concerns continue to he raised regarding both short-term and long-term negative effects caused by wearing masks.
WHEREAS, the remaining mask mandates issued by the health districts, public schools, school districts, and political subdivisions of this State due to the COVID-19 fail to serve a public health or safety purpose and unnecessarily restrict the rights and liberties of individuals and business in this State.
Once again: Bullshit, bullshit, and bullshit, right down to the assertion that masking is no longer needed. The CDC has said fully vaccinated people can go without masks, but unvaccinated people should continue wearing masks. And there are still COVID-19 outbreaks in Idaho, which have led some school districts and individual schools to continue their mask orders.
After rescinding McGeachin's order Friday, Little issued a scathing press statement condemning her "irresponsible abuse of power" right in the headline. Little proudly noted that he had never issued a statewide mask mandate because he believed in local control, although we'd argue that if he had, it's possible we would have had fewer than nearly 2,100 COVID deaths. But he added that he also "didn't undermine separately elected officials" who have the authority to set rules locally.
And then he got mean, calling McGeachin's order "not gubernatorial," and an "irresponsible, self-serving political stunt."
And then, like Beto O'Rourke speaking correct but very stilted Spanish, Little showed off his ability to speak Tea Party as a Second Language, saying,
This kind of over-the-top executive action amounts to tyranny – something we all oppose.
How ironic that the action comes from a person who has groused about tyranny, executive overreach, and balance of power for months.
Why yes, McGeachin did recently announce her plans to run for governor in 2022, and while Little hasn't formally announced he'll run for reelection, that certainly sounded like a stump speech there.
On more practical matters, Little also pointed out that, as written, McGeachin's order could have endangered people, since its blanket ban on non-hospital mask mandates would have prohibited requirements for masks to be worn by "social workers visiting homes of at-risk individuals, or workers in our state testing lab, or employees at congregate facilities" [he means prisons — Dok] that are particularly vulnerable to outbreaks of infectious disease.
No, he was not done. He noted that the order conflicted with other state laws, and added, "This is why you do your homework, Lt. Governor."
At that point, we wondered whether a representative for the Federation of Corporal Punishment Advocates might step in and say "enough, already!"
Now, Little did tell the Capital Sun that he had tried to call McGeachin Friday morning to let her know that he'd be rolling back her executive order with one of his own (or as he put it in the statement, taking action to "clean up a mess" caused by her "flimsy executive order"). But he hadn't heard back from her by the time of the interview Tuesday. He added that while they've managed to be "civil, but maybe not cordial" during the pandemic, "It's no secret it's going to be a little tougher going forward."
Without elaborating, Little said McGeachin's executive order will affect his decisions to travel out of state in the future.
"Obviously it will factor into some of my calculations," he said.
For her part, McGeachin doesn't appear to have responded directly to Little, although on Tuesday, she tweeted that she had acted "to uphold my sworn oath to uphold and protect the rights of our citizens in Idaho," citing the US and Idaho constitutions, and the "rule of law in Idaho."
We're not so sure we agree with her constitution work there, because over the weekend, she'd appeared on a rightwing podcast to explain how, according to her understanding of those documents, all the federal land in Idaho actually belongs to the state. Guess she's not gonna let Ammon Bundy steal her thunder!
Also too, last night she appeared on the Tucker Carlson Insurrection Hour to inveigh against "anti-white indoctrination" in the schools, so really, she's already way finished with her little executive order stunt.
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This is your surprised face!
Over the past month, Texas has really been bringing it with the terrible and nonsensical anti-abortion laws. Mississippi hasn't slacked off either, and is getting its 15-week abortion ban dreams reviewed by the Supreme Court. But we haven't heard from good old Ohio since April when the Sixth Circuit gave the state permission to prosecute doctors for performing abortions if patients say they are having them because the fetus they are carrying has Down syndrome.
The dry spell is over and we are beginning with two separate bad Ohio abortion bills. Oh joy.
The first isn't a statewide mandate, but Lebanon, Ohio, has voted to ban abortion and declare itself a "sanctuary city for the unborn." There are no abortion clinics in Lebanon, Ohio, so that actually shouldn't affect anything whatsoever.
A southwest Ohio city became the first in the state Tuesday to enact a measure outlawing abortion and declaring itself "a sanctuary city for the unborn," setting itself up for a likely legal challenge by opponents who call the ban unconstitutional.
The vote by Lebanon City Council was unanimous — after one member quit in protest. The Cincinnati Enquirer reported that that member, Krista Wyatt, said she could no longer associate her name with the body "as a respectable, decent human being."
No abortion clinics are located in Lebanon and none are planned. Mayor Amy Brewer said the ordinance sends a signal that the community would not welcome such a facility. Abortion remains legal in Ohio and the rest of the country following a 1973 Supreme Court decision that women have a constitutional right to seek an abortion.
Of course, this measure will not be providing medical care to all pregnant people so as to ensure that the "unborn" are born healthy — which would certainly be helpful in a state with such high infant and maternal mortality rates. It applies only to abortion, because if a fetus dies due to a lack of medical care, that's just God's will.
It also won't be doing anything else, for now, because abortion is still legal whether Lebanon, Ohio, likes it or not.
Meanwhile, the state at large is trying to pass a "Born Alive" bill meant to make it illegal for doctors to abort babies that have been "born alive" during an abortion despite the fact that this is already covered by existing homicide laws.
"Born Alive" bills are the "Have you stopped beating your wife?" of anti-choice legislation. Were a pro-choice legislator to vote to approve them, it would be tantamount to asserting that it is currently legal for a doctor to kill a child that has been "born alive" during an abortion (it's not) and that this is a thing that regularly happens (it's not). Of course, when they vote against them, as they should, anti-choicers then get to go, "This person thinks it's okay to abort children that have already been born!"
It's something they desperately need to pretend is true in order to get more people on their side. And the fact is, it works. Because unfortunately there are people out there who truly are stupid enough to think, "Oh well, I used to be pro-choice but then when I found out that meant supporting smacking a newborn baby over the head with a hammer repeatedly in order to kill it, I changed my mind."
According to the lawmakers trying to pass the bill, what they're really trying to do is simply collect data so that they can prove that this is a real thing that happens in Ohio.
[State Sen. Terry] Johnson said while the bill has punitive aspects for physicians, it is primarily a measure to "provide a reporting system" for abortion procedures in which the baby is born alive after a "failed abortion," which research shows could only happen closer to the full term of a pregnancy. Full term is considered 40 weeks gestation.
In Ohio, abortion is legal up to 22 weeks gestation.
While he said data has settled the dispute in the General Assembly last year that cases of "born alive abortions" were rare or non-existent across the country, Johnson also said the new bill was necessary to find out if it occurred in the state.
"We don't want to overlook the fact that we would like Ohio to determine whether this actually happens in Ohio or not, and if it does, we can record it and we can take a cold, hard look at the results of that," Johnson told the Senate Government Oversight & Reform Committee.
So he knows it doesn't happen in the country at large, but still thinks it might be happening in Ohio?
While Senator Johnson admits that infant homicide is already illegal, he insists that the reason he doesn't have any proof that this actually happens in Ohio is because there's not an official reporting form for it.
When asked about current law on infant death, Johnson acknowledged that federal law already makes infant homicide a criminal offense. But when asked to provide an example of occurrences in Ohio, Johnson said the state doesn't collect that data.
"In states where they do have a reporting form and where they do pay attention to this, they can gather data and they prove that it happens," Johnson said. "How would we know in Ohio? We don't check it."
Exactly how is it that he thinks this is going to work? A doctor is going to stab a newborn baby in the head and then ... fill out a form saying "I just stabbed a newborn baby in the head"? Because usually people who commit crimes don't fill out forms admitting to said crimes for statistical purposes.
Johnson is also wrong about there being no mechanism for reporting what happens after an abortion — state law requires that physicians not only report abortion numbers for the purposes of compiling statistics, they are also required by law to report any post-abortion complications. One would assume that a fetus being born alive during the procedure and then cruelly murdered by a bloodthirsty doctor would be included in this category.
The purpose of this law, again, is not to address an actual problem that is happening in real life, but to make anti-choicers feel good and to make people on the fence believe that not only are post-birth abortions currently legal, but that pro-choicers wish for them to remain legal. That is all.
It seems as though there should be some kind of law requiring that legislation address only problems that have been proven to actually exist, but unfortunately there is not.
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Who knew that Mixed Martial Arts might not prepare a bro for local office?
After just six months in office, Tito Ortiz, a former UFC fighter inducted into that sport's hall of fame, resigned Tuesday night as mayor pro tem (essentially a vice mayor) of Huntington Beach, California. After being elected on an anti-mask platform, calling the COVID-19 crisis a "plandemic" at his swearing-in, spreading Donald Trump's big election lie, and then crying a whole bunch about being victimized by cruel partisans, Ortiz will now serve as a warning to children that being on TV in a made-up sport (calm down, all sports are made up) doesn't mean you're fit to hold a position of public trust.
We had never heard of Mr. Ortiz prior to being assigned this story, and we'd just like to take this opportunity to thank Our Editrix for the chance to learn about a lunkhead whose idiotic behavior deserves to be made fun of and quickly forgotten, at least until he ends up hijacking an ice cream truck and crashing it through the doors of a federal building, leaving several bureaucrats overcome by sprinkles.
In his resignation speech at last night's City Council meeting, Ortiz insisted that he had been the victim of "character assassination" by the media, which very unfairly reported things he'd said and done. He said that the last straw was that his children were being "attacked," by which he presumably meant accurate reporting on his sons being sent home from school for not wearing masks, and bringing a bogus document claiming they were exempt from mask requirements based on "religious freedom." (We'll just note that the Orange County Register, at least, didn't include the boys' names, ages, or the name of the middle school they attend, only the district.)
Here's Ortiz in his operatic debut as Pagliacci:
TITO RESIGNED 🎉🎉 https://t.co/Zcnz9fuMm3— 👽🦋🌎🌹🌈 (@👽🦋🌎🌹🌈)1622599868.0
"To put it simply," Ortiz said, "this job isn't working for me." It's unclear whether the lone person applauding as he stood to leave was a fan, or just glad to see him go.
From the start, Ortiz made a nuisance of himself by constantly making an issue of his refusal to wear a mask, as well as his stance opposing vaccinations. Just days after the election, well before his December swearing-in, Ortiz
tried to attend a [City Council] strategic planning meeting at the local library, but was barred from the building by the mayor because he refused to wear a mask. Ortiz's anti-mask stance was part of his campaign platform, so he called into the meeting from his car instead of going home and getting a mask.
Eventually, the City Council voted to continue holding meetings remotely because Ortiz continued to refuse to wear a mask for in-person meetings.
In a January incident, Ortiz got into a tiff with a local burger joint, TK Burgers, after he was refused service for not wearing a mask.
I hope Tito continues to post these reaction videos whenever he gets denied service or kicked out for not wearing a… https://t.co/tsMTleko0D— Borrachinha Depot (@Borrachinha Depot)1610925575.0
So they won't let me order unless I have a mask to come in. First time all year I've actually been forced to wear a mask. But I'm not wearing a mask. TK Burger, you lose my business, you lose HB's business.
His pissy reaction, oddly, did not win Ortiz scads of adoring followers or inspire a boycott, but instead resulted in a surge of mask-wearing customers at TK Burgers. Ortiz eventually apologized on Facebook for his "bad decision," saying he understood how difficult things have been for small businesses, and that he "would never want to ruin that business," at least after trying to ruin that business and beclowning himself.
Oh, but that was just small (fried) potatoes compared to Ortiz's next imbroglio, in which the OC Register discovered he had inexplicably filed for unemployment compensation in February, although the story broke in late April.
Naming the city as his employer, he gave his first day of work as Dec. 7, 2020 – when he was sworn in after comfortably winning his seat in the November election. He stated that his last day of work was Feb. 9, 2021, although he still serves on the council.
On the portion of the unemployment application that asks for a "reason for separation," Ortiz listed, "Still working part-time or on-call – related to the coronavirus (COVID-19)."
NBC Los Angeles confirmed with Mayor Kim Carr that Ortiz had not been laid off:
He's been receiving the same amount of wages and hour. It's my understanding that city council members are not eligible for unemployment, particularly when they are receiving their full salary.
Oh yes, and then there's this tidbit from the OC Register story: Ortiz owns
two Huntington Beach businesses – Punishment Athletics clothing store and Punishment Training Center gym. He has a house in Huntington Harbour worth about $4 million.
Guess some people really are tempted into a life of idleness by those great big $300-per-week emergency unemployment benefits, then.
In its story on Ortiz's resignation, the Register dutifully notes that Ortiz has "denied that his unemployment claim was improper, saying the allegations were politically motivated."
At last night's City Council meeting — the first in months at which masks were no longer required — Ortiz complained that "From day one, when I was sworn in, and I was met with hostility and judgement," and that he'd been "the sole focus of character assassination each and every week with multiple news stories and leaked personal information, all of which were to slander and defame my name."
And then he went on to whine about the "attacks" on his family, and his fears for their safety, although he didn't actually provide any examples of their being endangered by anything other than his insistence that the virus is fake news. That threat, too many people have learned, is all too real.
In conclusion, as with that Florida gentleman named Pork Chop, we're glad to have learned this guy existed, and equally happy to be far, far away from him, the end.
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