We can't wait for the cable miniseries.
A militia leader from Washington state was arrested last week in West Virginia and will be extradited back to Washington after allegedly trying to extort money from members of his own little band of patriots. James "Russell" Bolton was arrested by West Virginia state police Thursday at his parents' home in Princeton, West Virginia, after a Washington judge signed a warrant on five counts of extortion and one of attempted theft. Bolton had allegedly left letters outside some of his militia pals' homes, threatening dire consequences if the victims didn't come up with large amounts of cash. The letters implied the threats were from Mexican drug cartels, which as we all know regularly target goofball militia dipshits.
Gee, who ever would have thought anyone in the wingnut militia movement would do something like that? Before you get all judgey of Mr. Bolton, keep in mind It's all probably a plot by the New World Order and international bankers to make patriots look unstable.
FEDERALISM FOR THE FUCKING WIN!
We have some advice for Donald Trump if he ever wants this "Criming While President" thing to work out for him. DON'T GET BORN IN A BLUE STATE THAT HATES YOU. Have Mary Trump gestate your turkey ass in Alabama next time.
The New York state Senate has just passed two bills that will likely have the effect of fucking Trump up BIGLY, and also helping Congress do its oversight job, since the Trump administration is hellbent against ever letting that happen. The first, the TRUST Act, passed 39-21, and allows the state's Department of Taxation and Finance to hand state tax returns to, say, the House Ways and Means Committee, which is currently demanding Trump's tax returns from the IRS. (They can also give them, if requested, to the Senate Finance Committee and the Joint Committee on Taxation.) Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin has, of course, responded to Ways and Means by, in essence, saying "Watch my Botoxed ass commit some crimes and refuse to give you them!"
Now, of course, state returns aren't the exact same as federal returns, but if you live in a state that has income taxes,
haha SUCKS 4 U you are well aware that those state returns have a metric fuckton of the same info as federal returns do. And where has Donald Trump been parking his big ass, and his business's big ass, all these years? New York.
Driving people to the polls is fraud? Sure why not.
Just wanted to check in with you all to remind you that the Texas Senate passed a really awful voter-suppression bill last month, since as you may have noticed, the whole thing blew up on Twitter all over again yesterday. As far as we can tell, there's not any new news about the bill, introduced by rightwing fartsack state Sen. Bryan Hughes, but we are very glad to see it getting renewed attention. Maybe even enough attention to make its passage in the Texas House a little less likely. No telling -- Texas Republicans have never liked voting, especially if poors or browns do it. And since the Texas secretary of state's attempt at a big voter purge failed in March, Hughes's Senate Bill 9 seems like the best shot for the Rs to take another swing at the ol' voter suppression piñata.
His boss needs to join him.
Tennessee House Speaker Glen Casada's chief of staff Cade Cothren resigned Monday night, and it wasn't just because he'd allegedly tried to frame a black student activist. It turns out Cothren has a repulsive history of sending racist and sexist text messages. He's also made gross advances toward former interns, lobbyists, and campaign staffers. He's a full deck of House of Cards.
The text messages are from 2014 to 2016. Cothren was the House Republicans' press secretary at the time, so in theory he should've known a better way to communicate with people. Cothren also seems to think three to five years ago is the distant past.
COTHREN: I'm just not the same guy that I was several years back. I was young and dumb and immature. There's no excuse for it at all, and I'm not trying to make excuses, but I can tell you that I have changed since then... While I'm not proud of who I was in the past, I am proud that, with God's grace and a strong support system, I've been able to achieve so much in the years since.
We normally believe that "existence precedes essence" but Cothren's actual existence is putrid and slimy. Texts show that Cothren requested oral sex and nude photos from interns like he was using a pervert's GrubHub. He told a lobbyist that he'd be up for sleeping with an older woman (charming). He also asked an intern about her underwear and orgasms. He could've just called a phone sex line, but he probably enjoyed exerting his dominance over women in the workplace. He's an asshole is all we're saying.
Mayor claims city isn't ready for black town manager because she's racist.
Welcome to Post-Racial America! It's a magical place where the president calls black NFL players "sons of bitches" but actual Nazis "very fine people." It's also where a black job applicant is openly rejected because he's black and, well, did you notice how black he was?
Hoschton, Georgia, is 50 miles northeast of Atlanta. It's also 30 miles north of Athens, where we attended college and women of all colors rejected us based solely on the content of our character. Hoschton is 90 percent white, and the mayor is 100 percent racist. Theresa Kenerly reportedly told a member of the city council that she pulled Keith Henry's resume from consideration for city administrator "because he is black, and the city isn't ready for this." This was in March ... of 2019.
The state of Georgia was ready for a black woman governor if her opponent hadn't fixed the election. Kenerly thinks raggedy-ass Hoschton with its population of 1,870 can't cope with a black city administrator? Is it the town from Blazing Saddles?
And now everyone knows he's a racist POS :(
This past March, Vanderbilt University student Justin Jones was arrested for disorderly conduct and misdemeanor assault at the Tennessee state capitol. Authorities claim Jones threw a cup of coffee into an elevator, striking House Speaker Glen Casada and Covington Rep. Debra Moody when Jones and a dozen others showed up to protest the Nathan Bedford Forrest bust in the capitol. Forrest was a Confederate general and an early Klu Klux Klan leader, which is a benign way of saying "traitor and domestic terrorist." Still, coffee is hot (unless you're drinking it cold like a sucker) and shouldn't be tossed at people, even Republicans.
Jones was banned from the Capitol building and order to have no contact, caffeinated or otherwise, with Casada. Later, Nashville District Attorney Glenn Funk filed a motion to revoke the divinity student's bond. The motion claimed Jones had sent an email to Casada's chief of staff, Cade Cothren, which copied Casada and violated the bond conditions. One problem: The photo of the email the DA received was dated March 1, a day after the no-contact order, but Jones had the original because it was, you know, an email. The actual date was February 25th, days prior to the alleged coffee-hurling incident.
BRB, moving to Washington.
The state of Washington has passed the Long-Term Health Care Trust Act, a first-in-the-nation law that will establish funds that workers can access when they need long-term care. It's a start toward dealing with the problems faced by families of the elderly, and especially at helping older people who don't have family to help care for them at all. The bill passed both houses of the state legislature in late April, and Gov. Jay Inslee, who backed it from the start, will sign it.
Starting in 2022, a new payroll tax of .58 percent (that's 58 cents for each $100 in income) will go into a state fund available to any qualified Washingtonian. People who are self-employed can opt in to the system, too. The Intercept explains the details:
The per capita average income in Washington is about $37,000, meaning that the average monthly contribution would be about $18. Those who pay into the program for three years, or for a total of 10 years including five consecutive years, will be able to access the benefit, which, at present, maxes out at $36,500. In 30 years, as it's indexed for inflation, the benefit will be more than $88,000.
Applicants would be assessed by the state Department of Social and Health Services; if they need assistance with at least three "activities of daily living," they could then access the benefit and use it as they need -- to help pay for in-home care, respite care for family members, home modifications for accessibility like a wheelchair ramp or railings in a bathroom, meal delivery, or even paying a qualified family caretaker.
Steal big. Steal little. Steal all damn day long.
Clearly the federal government is going to do fuck all about Trumpland's rampant crime spree. Bill Barr is spiking the Mueller Report into the end zone, with an assist from Republicans in the Senate and heavy cover from Hannity and Howler Monkeys. And the entire executive branch is lining up to resist oversight by shouting CONGRESS IS ILLEGAL and ignoring all subpoenas. Thank Crom for the state of New York! If Donald Trump wanted to commit all the crimes, allegedly, he should've headquartered his business in Missibamatucky and built that Trump Tower right next to the Piggly Wiggly in Real Murica. But instead he parked his ample haunches in the land of Letitia James, who is no doubt impressed with Tuesday night's Washington Post story about wage theft at Trump's garbage palace golf club in Briarcliff Manor, New York:
His bosses at the Trump country club called it "side work."
On some nights, after the club's Grille Room closed, head waiter Jose Gabriel Juarez — an undocumented immigrant from Mexico — was told to clock out. He pressed his index finger onto a scanner and typed his personal code, 436.
But he didn't go home.
Instead — on orders from his bosses, Juarez said — he would stay on, sometimes past midnight. He vacuumed carpets, polished silverware and helped get the restaurant at Trump National Golf Club Westchester in Briarcliff Manor, N.Y., ready for breakfast the next day.
All off the clock. Without being paid.
"It was that way with all the managers: Many of them told us, 'Just clock out and then stay and do the side work,' " said Juarez, who spent a decade at the golf club, before leaving in May 2018. "There was a lot of side work."
Finally, an immigrant the GOP can sympathize with.
The GOP of Kootenai County, Idaho, went on record last week with a unanimous resolution to let an Austrian far-right figure come to the USA so he can marry his sweetheart, Twitter troll and rightwing irritant Brittany Pettibone, a resident of Post Falls. What? A white nationalist in northern Idaho? How novel! You know how it is with love -- sometimes the Coeur just won't stay in its d'Alene.
Oh, Indiana. The state what wrought Vice President Mike Pence and also this guy I met one time who told me I was the first "ethnic white" he'd ever met. It sure is a place! And it is a place that is going to be a very unsafe place to get a second-trimester abortion very soon.
On Wednesday evening, Indiana Governor Eric Holcomb signed two really bad anti-abortion measures into law, both of which will go into effect on July 1. The first, House Enrolled Act 1211, bans dilation and extraction abortions -- the safest abortion method for abortions after 13 weeks, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.
Wow! That sure seems like a counterintuitive thing for people who claim to love life so much to do! I would think they would think the safest method would be best! you might say, if you are but a naïve babe in the woods. But you would be very, very wrong. Because the pregnant person's life is not what matters here.
Why are they banning this method? Because, like pretty much all surgical procedures, it is easy to make it sound really gross:
Failure upward is always an option.
Excellent news for America's failures, bunglers, clods, and sadsacks! There's always a rewarding career waiting for you in law enforcement, just as long as you don't start piling up a record of fuckuppery until some point after you've gotten your first job as a cop, according to an investigation of crappy sheriffs and police chiefs across our great land by the USA Today network. Records of police misconduct tend to be hard to find, and lots of small-town police departments either don't bother to do exhaustive vetting, or simply can't afford to be choosy. So it turns out that cops who get fired for all sorts of disciplinary problems sometimes end up running their very own cop shops -- and screwing up royally there, too!
The report, based on "misconduct records from hundreds of police departments and state licensing boards in nearly every state" as well as interviews with municipal officials who came to regret their incautious hires, explains:
Misconduct that might disqualify someone from being hired as a rookie cop hasn't stopped officers from taking the top jobs at law enforcement agencies throughout the USA.
Many ended up running small forces in places without the inclination to do basic background checks or without the wherewithal to penetrate the secretive and haphazard systems that can hide police misconduct even from the police.
The reporters identified "32 people who became police chiefs or sheriffs despite a finding of serious misconduct, usually at another department." Eight of the top cops had actually been guilty of a crime, and others had extensive records of misconduct like
That's right, they put a helmet on him.
Poor sad Milo Yiannopoulos. Having fallen from what passes for the heights of alt-right glory, he's now reduced to begging people to please show up and be offended by him, like in that old Onion story about Marilyn Manson going door to door hoping to shock people. And even that grift isn't working so great for Yiannopoulos, it turns out, since he's been left in the lurch by the sponsors of a talk at a community college in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Were it anyone else, we'd suggest he might feel some empathy for the average subcontractor who did work for Donald Trump, but we suspect he'd look at us blankly and say, "No, this was ME getting stiffed. How could this happen to ME?"
Yiannopoulos announced his latest sad news in a post on Instagram, a truly insufficient medium since it doesn't let you see the tears and impotent rage:
Such a sad fellow, and SO ILL USED! Poor lad can't even blame "The Left."
I regret to announce that my sponsor for the Oklahoma events has failed to produce the funds needed for the events, and left me in debt to designers, lawyers and admin staff. I couldn't get a response out of him for days after three missed payment deadlines and today he confirmed he's dropping out entirely! Ho hum.
Thank goodness, Milo knows who's really suffering here. It is him, HO HUM. Also, his throngs of adoring fans!
Sorry to the hundreds of fans who have been writing excitedly over the past few weeks. Doesn't look like these speeches will happen now.
Oh, and the "designers, lawyers and admin staff"? Yeah, sucks to be them! Maybe he'll pay them. Or not. In any case, now Milo can look forward to his next adventure in grifting. Maybe a dinner theater production of To Kill a Mockingbird, with Milo playing all the parts, including Brett Kavanaugh.
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Oh SHIT they're scared.
Last month, a Republican congressman from Kentucky dared Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to try and sell her Green New Deal to the hard-working coal miners in his district, and wouldn't you know it, she readily accepted! And then the Republican, Andy Barr, started finding excuses to rescind the invitation -- not the least of which is the minor detail that his district doesn't have any active coal mines, oops! Of course, that's not the reason he gave. It's almost as if Republicans ENJOY looking like idiots, innit?
The foofaraw all started in a March 27 hearing when Ocasio-Cortez replied rather sharply to a Republican who insisted that only a "rich liberal from maybe New York or California" would worry about climate change. The freshman congresswoman wasn't having a bit of that nonsense, and pointed out that poor kids in the Bronx suffer the highest rates of asthma in the country, that the environment affects everybody, and it's a bit of a problem.
'How about if we just send all Democrats to jail?'
Just a little more than a month after a federal judge told Texas not to try purging its voter rolls of suspiciously brown people based on very bad drivers license data, the state Senate is back with a whole NEW load of voter-suppressing fuckery, once again in the name of fighting "voter fraud," which is exceedingly rare to start with. This time the vehicle for reducing turnout is a steaming pile called Senate Bill 9, which passed Monday and will now head to the state House. SB 9 will treat submitting "false information" on a voter registration form as a "state jail felony," even if the incorrect information is an honest error -- like writing the wrong zip code. And that's just for starters!
So that's fun!
It seems like lifetimes ago, because it probably was, because time has no meaning in the hellscape in which we live 24 hours a day, but a while back Alabama elected a Democrat named Doug Jones to be its senator. They had a big GOP primary for the special election to fill Jeff Sessions's old seat, and despite how there was a relatively normal GOP person in the run-off, Luther Strange, who was already serving as the appointed senator, they instead chose certifiably batshit professional victim Taliban Jesus ranger Roy Moore as their nominee. When they found out Moore might have a wee kid touching problem, or at least used to might, back when he was a fully grown man 10 years out of college who perved all over high school girls, ALLEGEDLY -- he was a real charmer, unless you were trapped in his car after your shift at the diner, ALLEGEDLY -- they just doubled down and decided all those accusers were fake news, probably paid by the Washington Post.
And so it was that, by the hair of its chinny-chin-chin, Alabama had a special election where voters turned the fuck out for the Democrat Doug Jones.
A new Mason-Dixon poll takes the pulse of how Alabama is feeling about that decision and what it might do in 2020, when Jones is up for re-election to a full term. You want to just start drinking, or do you want to read the rest of this post? Because while Jones has a 45 percent approval rating (44 percent disapprove, 11 percent have no idea what goddamn day it is), a solid 50 percent say they want to put a Republican back in Jones's seat. This being Alabama, that's not a gigantic surprise.
And whom would Alabama Republicans like to stick in there?
NRA = weak sad poop.
A new law restricting firearms ownership by domestic abusers takes effect in Pennsylvania today, and it's a real improvement over the measure it replaces. Gov. Tom Wolf, who signed the law last October, called it the state's "first law in 14 years to address gun violence." He added that he hoped it would be just the first of several needed reforms, including universal background checks.
Now, firearm ownership by people convicted of domestic violence is already illegal under federal law, but the new law, Act 79, provides extra safety measures by requiring that defendants subject to a final protection from abuse order (PFA) give up their guns and ammunition. In addition, those convicted of misdemeanor domestic violence have to turn their guns over to law enforcement within 24 hours of the conviction. The previous state law allowed them 60 days to give up their guns. (What could have gone wrong with that?) Also, victims can request an automatic extension of the protection order if it goes into effect while the abuser is in jail, meaning victims will have at least 90 days of protection if the person is back out on the street.
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