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State of the Union Address Drinking Game

We love drinking games. They are a truly American past-time, combining both the competitive spirit and a gleeful descent into sloppy self-absorption. We also like not working, so we salute the creators of the State of the Union Drinking Game, who have done as little as possible to make the game current to this year. Way to go, guys! (More time for drinking, are we right?) Still, we’re a tad doubtful that simply adding some reference to Mars will get you sufficiently sloshed to appreciate W.’s fine oratory. So, some edits and additions. For instance, rather than


IF: They show a former member of the Bush Administration (i.e. Paul O’Neill, etc.)

THEN: Take three drinks

We think it should go:

IF: They show Paul O’Neill

THEN: Take three drinks

IF: Paul O’Neill’s head is still attached to his body

THEN: Finish the bottle

IF: Bush mentions "changing the tone in Washington"

THEN: Take one drink

IF: Bush mentions "changing to tone in Washington" and the camera pans to Mitch McConnell giving Russ Feingold a noogie

THEN: Take two drinks

IF: Bush rides a Segway onto the house floor

THEN: Take three drinks

IF: Bush successfully rides a segway onto the house floor

THEN: Do a shot

IF: Bush asserts the existence of a democratic, free-market Iraq,

THEN: Invest more in Halliburton

IF: Bush vows to pass a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage

THEN: Tell your fraternity pledges that they can take the butt plugs out of their asses now

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