Donate

Statement: Newt Gingrich Prepares To Declare Himself President

News

A statement from the Newt Gingrich presidential campaign, maybe:

While Rick Santorum waited, fundamentally, much too long to exit this race for the nomination, we at the Newt Gingrich campaign would boldly like to thank him for today's self-ouster. This beleagured nation may now proceed with the serious issues of statesmanship. Newt will move into the White House at 8 a.m. tomorrow morning.

You did not have the seriousness, or the grandiosity, or the big ideas to become President of the United States, Rick. You would have let schoolchildren go to classes instead of clean toilets all day, at your home schools. This is not serious; it is a small idea.

This is because you are not intelligent, Rick. Newt Gingrich, the rightful heir to the Julio-Claudian imperial dynasty, is intelligent by any empirical, observational, or supernatural measure. He has lectured on Histories at West Georgia College. No one else has ever done this.

So perhaps you, the ignoramus, cannot be judged -- entirely -- certainly some, but not entirely -- for wasting the American people's time for so many, many, fundamentally, many, months, and refusing to give way to the eventual Newt Gingrich royal coronation in Tampa, Florida. You did not have the mental ability to comprehend the massive failure that is yourself.

Enjoy the remaining years of your philistine life, Rick. It is now time for Newt, Newt Gingrich, to accept the Republican party's presidential nomination and defeat Barack Obama 100% to 0 % in the most important election in the history of time. It is simple math. Well, perhaps not for Rick Santorum.

It is simple math.

Dismissive regards,

The Newt Gingrich Campaign for Civilization of the Galaxy

P.S. We will do anything for a hot meal.

Not that we can't afford one ourselves.

It was their fault.

[Newt 2012]

$
Donate with CC

While Donald Trump went to make fart noises at America's foes in the EU and shit all over our traditional enemy, the United Kingdom, it seems his administration had some tough talk for those darned Britons or English or Ukies -- they have many names! -- about the UK's oppression of religious minorities. Or at least the oppression of one guy: Tommy Robinson, the founder of the far-right anti-Muslim English Defence League, and his religious freedom to violate a court order, Reuters reports.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

The House Freedom Caucus is at it again, and this time they're taking aim at fellow Republican Rod Rosenstein. Politico reported Friday that Mark Meadows (R-Cackalacky) and Jim Jordan (R-Coverup) are ginning up support to impeach the deputy attorney general. See, Rosenstein is in BIG TROUBLE MISTER for refusing to turning over all the DOJ's confidential source material on the Russia investigation so that the GOP treason weasels can selectively leak it to their pals at Fox.

Rod Rosenstein does not have time for this shit -- he's busy right now indicting all those Russian military officials for hacking our election!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

SINGLE & MONTHLY DONATIONS

SUPPORT THE CAUSE - PAYPAL DONATION

PAYPAL RECURRING DONATIONS

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc