Staycation Itinerary For the D.C. Unemployed

It's been a week now since the Great Shellacking of 2010, a night when librul Washingtonians refused toleave their homes and slept spooning their “Yes We Can” posters. Well, Obama managed to get his sad self off the couch for a trip to Asia, and Nancy Pelosi is working through her sadness by avoiding reality, but what can those who worked for campaigns and/or losing candidates do now that they are sad AND unemployed? Well, the nice thing about the burger-and-small-plates metropolis that is D.C. is that it is made for unemployed people.

D.C. may love restaurants that serve small portions of food for lots of money, but the bulk of D.C. culture is based around cheap things -- drinking the cheapest beer there is, enjoying cheap food and drinks at happy hours, and enjoying free (or at least relatively cheap) cultural activities.  All of these classic -- and affordable -- D.C. activities are much easier to enjoy when unemployed.

Advantages to being unemployed in D.C.:

  • You can actually take advantage of happy hours: Happy hours in D.C. are made for unemployed people and/or alcoholics. Why else would they start at 3PM and end at 7PM, when most people don't get off work until 6PM? The happy hour at Firefly starts at 3PM and includes select drinks for just a dollar; Ceiba's happy hour goes from 3-6PM and includes $5 cocktails and half-off bar food; the "Big Easy Happy Hour" at Acadiana goes from 3:30-6:30PM and also includes $5 cocktails and half-off bar food. Plus, since most happy hours are only available at the bar, when you're unemployed you can get actually GET A SEAT at the bar.
  • You can enjoy museums and other free(ish) activities without the company of interns, tourists, and other annoying people: There is so much free culture to be enjoyed in D.C. -- including Fotoweek D.C. -- and you'll have the places practically to yourself, while those employed slobs toil away at legislation and such.

  • When restaurants give away free food, you will actually be able to get it: In D.C., people stand in line for free food all the time, but at some point they have to give up and go back to work at their well-paying government jobs. But if you’re unemployed, you can spend hours waiting in line for free cupcakes, ice cream or coffee, and there definitely is no shortage of free food giveaways in this wealthy town: the new Chick-fil-A in Arlington will be giving out a year’s supply of food to the first 100 people in line on November 17; Crumbs Bakery in Penn Quarter will be giving away ONE THOUSAND cupcakes on November 19; and the IHOP in Columbia Heights will be giving away a short stack of buttermilk pancakes to each of the first 1000 guests in line on November 23.
  • You can be first in line for food trucks: Employed people have to sacrifice precious porn downloading time to wait in line to be served cheese, tacos or pasta from a truck, but with your new unemployment, you can get there right when the trucks park, so as not have to waste your day waiting in line for food.
  • You can still eat fancy food: Lunch deals are a great way to eat fancy food without having to give over the last of your monies: The "Lunch Crush" at Proof features a choice of six entrees paired with a glass of house red or house white wine, soft drink, or iced tea for $12; Bibiana's lunch deal offers pasta, sorbet and red wine for $15; and Dangerously Delicious Pies offers a slice of savory pie, a side salad and drink for just $8.

Or, you can always just throw a temper tantrum and, if it it works, stay at your job FOREVER.


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