Part Time White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham Just Awesome At Whatever Job Is
White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham had planned to never do the job she apparently won on a radio contest. During her rare public appearances, Grisham argued for her own down-sizing. She insisted that the president lies to Americans perfectly well without her help. Unfortunately, House Democrats rudely interrupted Grisham's extended senior skip day with an impeachment inquiry into Donald Trump's fun-sized treason. Now she has to put on shoes and defend the extortionist in chief.
Last Friday, Grisham booked herself a return visit at the "Fox & Friends" propaganda spa and happy ending massage parlor. She claimed Democrats were throwing a "temper tantrum" over the 2016 election. She was hitting all the tired Republican talking points on impeachment until co-host Brian Kilmeade brought up Mick Mulvaney's disastrous press conference. The White House (acting) chief of staff might've bombed at open mic night, but Kilmeade correctly pointed out that it's technically Grisham's job to face the press with bad observational humor ("Did you ever notice how Democrats are still super pissed about the 2016 election?").
Grisham: Dems throwing 'temper tantrum' trying to undo 2016 election www.youtube.com
KILMEADE: Stephanie, why didn't you do the press conference yesterday? Why did Mick Mulvaney? And will we see you do these press conferences, which is traditionally what the White House press secretary does?
Grisham smiled but you could tell she'd decided that Kilmeade wasn't receiving his usual generous, post-interview tip. She said if the president ever asked her to "go out and take that podium" (it's not a podium -- SER), she "happily" would consider doing her job. But -- and this is hilarious -- she doesn't see any need to put herself out there after "what happened" with Mulvaney. She has her own complicated legal history. She can't risk spontaneously confessing to crimes on live TV.
GRISHAM: It was again more theater. It was about people wanting to be on TV and making names for themselves. Mick was there for 30 minutes. He took probably 40 questions. People were talking over one another. He did a great job.
That's right. Mulvaney answered 40 questions and only confessed to a crime once. He easily passed the driving test. Friday night, Anderson Cooper mocked Grisham for repeatedly dismissing White House press briefings as "theater" (as though theater isn't the best thing EVER).
COOPER: Oh Stephanie, you've got to increase your vocabulary... Theater now has been used twice. I mean, Grisham clearly doesn't get to Broadway enough if she, you know, thinks those press conferences are theater. Maybe on one of these seven days of the week she's not doing her job, she can catch a matinee of "Hamilton."
Cooper also compared the press secretary's story-telling skills to John Grisham. This seems to have inspired Google searches for "Is Stephanie Grisham related to John Grisham?" She is not. This really hurt (Stephanie) Grisham's feelings, and she responded in a mopey email to
GRISHAM: I think CNN has lost sight of the fact that we are human beings. Just as Anderson Cooper has a job to do, working for a company he is proud of, so do I. I also imagine he has a personal life, where he has to juggle quite a bit - and the same goes for me.
The reference to Cooper's "personal life" is weird, but he's on television several times a week. Grisham doesn't do anything. She's not even juggling a single item. She was probably mad that she was forced to work on the weekend.
Grisham's "we're only human" spirit barely lasted a few days. Wednesday, Trump tweeted a sober warning about so-called "Never Trumper Republicans." This is an example of the communication Grisham thinks Trump does just fine by himself. He obviously doesn't need a competent press secretary. No, he needs a team.
Grisham appeared on "Fox & Friends" again this morning, and you'd think she'd take the opportunity to smooth things over for the president. Trump's staff probably have standing orders to never apologize for his dehumanizing statements, but she could at least pretend the tweet didn't say what it obviously said. C'mon, lady, insult our intelligence like a common Kellyanne Conway. Kilmeade gently tossed Grisham a softball over the plate, and she just stared at it like it was extra shiny.
White House Press Secretary Says People Who Are Against Trump 'Deserve' to be Called Scum www.youtube.com
KILMEADE: The president yesterday called the Never Trumpers "scum." Does he regret that?
GRISHAM: No, he shouldn't. The people who are against him and have been against him and are working against him since the day he took office are just that. And the fact that people continue to try to negate anything he is doing and take away from the good work he is doing on behalf of the American people, they deserve strong language like that.
The White House press secretary's official position is that only "human scum" would have a problem with the president's lawless actions. He's giving us WALL, y'all! Grisham is really bad at the job she barely does, and I don't think, in this case, practice will ever make perfect.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).