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Stephen Colbert thinks the NFL is a pretty cool organization. "It's America's top forum for discussing issues of domestic violence. And I understand the employees also get together and play football on the weekends." This, of course, brings us once again to the story ofAdrian Peterson and his kinetic discipline methods, which left his four-year-old son with injuries all over his back and legs, and left Colbert "nostalgic for the days when [NFL] players were accidentally shooting themselves through their sweatpants." But Colbert's main focus Thursday was "Fox News' Senior Nerf football chucker Sean Hannity" and his perfectly well-adjusted display of thwacking his belt on his desk to demonstrate how his father whipped him. "And I've never been to a shrink."


At the spanking display, Colbert exclaimed, "Pumpkin Patch! Pumpkin Patch!" then turned to the audience and explained, "I'm sorry, it's just, 'pumpkin patch' was the safe word that Sean and I agreed on."

Colbert agrees with Hannity that Peterson definitely went too far, and accepted Hannity's assertion that being whipped with a belt has no negative effects: "After all, Sean's dad whipped him with a belt and he never needed to go to a psychotherapist. He just has to have them on his show three times a week." And by golly, there's a strong case to be made that all those much-deserved thrashings helped Sean Hannity become the mature, sane, even-keeled person he is today:

Mentally, he grew up to be a psychologically healthy adult who cleaves desperately to strong authority figures, lashes out at any perceived weakness, and takes his belt off on live TV. Still, perfectly normal.

Enjoy your Saturday Clipbait!