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He ain't scared


Guys, we think Stephen Colbert has found his "Late Show" voice. Wednesday night, he went all out, going after the assorted morons, paste-eaters, conspiracy theorists, Russian tools and future national security advisors named Michael Flynn responsible for the flood of bullshit propaganda that's literally making America dumber, helping us just barely elect tyrants, and inciting know-nothing freaks to shoot up pizza places in DC, because they think Hillary Clinton and John Podesta are banging children in basements that do not exist. Sneaky Hillary, doing child sex rings in basements you literally can't go to, because they're not there.

Oh yes, Colbert told the story of #PizzaGate up one side and down the other, naming Alex Jones, Wikileaks, the untouchable virgins who populate Reddit conspiracy threads, and oh yeah, he went straight after Michael Flynn and his idiot son too, telling them all, and we quote, to "GROW THE FUCK UP." Hell yeah, he said that on the television! We are always telling you to WATCH THE VIDEO, but you'll really want to spend 10 minutes on this. Shall we have video time together, and after the video, we'll tell you all our favorite quotes from it? OK!

Here are the best quotes from this entire video:

  • "Where'd this conspiracy theory start? Apparently some 'alt-right' folks were combing through Clinton campaign emails hacked by Russia and published by Wikileaks, and noticed there seems to be more references to pizza and pizzerias than they expected, which can only mean one thing: SECRET SEX RING."
  • "A lot of uninformed, gullible people fell for the Clinton-Podesta sex ring theory, people like Trump's pick for national security advisor, Michael Flynn, who tweeted out a link, writing, 'New Hillary Emails: Money Laundering, Sex Crimes w Children, etc...MUST READ!', introducing it, 'U decide.' OK, then I decide a guy who spreads this bullshit shouldn't be in charge of national security." (DAMN, GIRL, DAMN!)
  • "According to some folks on Reddit, I'm in on #PizzaGate. Because at the end of my election night special, I talked about pizza, which they called all caps 'CREEPY'! This is insane. I have no part in the #PizzaGate conspiracy ... IS WHAT THEY WANT ME TO SAY."
  • "Look around the country. Wouldn't you agree we need some more adults? So Wikileaks, Alex Jones, and the sub-Reddit sub-geniuses, and I mean this in the nicest way possible: GROW THE FUCK UP."

AWWWWWWW YEAH. Colbert just TOLD YOU FOOLS. Especially you, Michael Flynn, you delusional jackhole.

Again, watch the whole video, 'cause we said so and we are your real dad, according to John Podesta's pizza emails.

[h/t Towleroad]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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